maybe you can help

[me81]

okay i have been with the same guy for 3 yrs now we have a kid together and we just got back together after this big drawn out drama episode. i have a problem with trying to initate sex cause i feel like when i do he always shuts me down, but then he tells me that i don't initiate it enough. i am confused he says that he wants me to wear thongs more often and dress up more and wear make up and that would make him want me more. we have sex alot a couple times a week. when we were talking bout getting back together we did it everyday i could tell that he wanted me that passion was still there but now that we are back together i just don't feel it anymore. we have alot of issues besides sex...but i am just confused on how i can do my part to enhance this between us. we live together and it is hard when you have a 15 month old baby, but i really would like some advice both from men and woman. i find it that i am just not really motivated to go all out and fix myself up just to have sex lol between working going to school and taking care of a baby its hard and tiring.

[sera300]

It sounds as if you are ready to be his dress up Barbie, you might have a chance. Really though, I would re-consider the relationship as a whole since you are not married and had a recent split. It sounds as if you are keeping something which is not working sort of together.

Works, school, and a baby, and then play dress up? If he wants you to take some time to pamper yourself find ways he can relieve you of some of your work so you can. Next time you are out shopping with him, go into Victoria's Secret, let him hold the baby, pick out some garbs you like, and let him pay the tab. See what happens. All the garment bills add up when you have the costs of baby foods, doctors visits, school, and baby clothing & toys. Not to mention upcoming educational needs--I assume you pay for the majority of them.

[me81]

i totally agree with you! and he does help pay some things but i think he really just wants to live in this fantasy world were woman are done up all the time. but i don't think he understands that i dont feel like doing that when i have a day off or just to have sex. i am not really sexual like that anymore. I don't enjoy it really unless he is giving me oral but that is rare cause it takes me along time to orgasm so i feel like he is timing me everytime (don't know if he is or not says he is not) but i will take your advice thanks.

[dancingdoc2]

Why not leave your baby with him for a day while you go off and pamper yourself, shop, have a day with the girls, whatever. It should give him an idea of what your life is like. He needs to understand that it is well recognized that a mother and housekeeper holds down the equivalent of two full time jobs; add a job outside the home and it is up to three. Many young fellas do not understand this and need to pitch in and share the responsibilities for home and child.

Secondly, fix the problems in the relationship and this should help in the romance department. This is different than sex. If one or both of you need help with this aspect of the romance department then we can work on it later.

[sera300]

Any one who is a single parent I give a lot of credit to. Anyone who has no children or is not the sole care provider to a child cannot comprehend what goes into it. I watch dual parent households, where there is equal child care involvement and that alone is tough to make time for yourself as a parent.

I do not have children often have watched my brother & sister-in law's girls for a day or overnight. Later, I was asked to care for two, they wanted to go on vacation. I thought great! 2 weeks and they are very good ladies. Wow, end of the first week, even with relief at times with baths/dinner from my parents stopping up was tough. Then they left me for a few days with the now three [all under 8]! I wondered where my life went, suddenly I have more baby seats, running to places, etc. But I get to return to my single life at the end of a day/week/2 weeks.

I cannot imagine what you go through to work & get to school. Clearly he does not understand; I was just happy to get a 5 minute shower in peace and quiet, not worrying what one was doing to the other or if the baby began to cry what was happening. A good full day of sole responsibility is great for him to experience, especially when mom is not around. It's easy to stroll in and help but another deal to be the sole care provider. You are better to get him involved now v. waiting.

I agree with doc, give him a full day and go out. Resist the urge to run home/call home, to be sure all is okay [as moms tend to do] since he is the father!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Your guy is an IDIOT! Why weren't you using condoms and BCPs??? Now you find yourself saddled with a totally stupid man and a no doubt lovely baby!
Keep the baby and ditch the man! Invest in child care, your education, so you can get a decent job and can pay for help around the house.

You seriously need to get tougher on your men!
Playing "dress me up like Barbie" _PFFFT!

You are NOT a toy babydoll for him to play with. You are a living, breathing, thinking (presumably) woman. Time for you to act like one and kick his dead ass out.

[CleverName]

Honestly, I agree with EEK. You can find someone better, you just need to move on, from the sounds of it.

[raez]

HE SHOULD LOVE YOU AND BE ATTRACTED TO YOU WHETHER YOU ARE IN YOUR SEXIEST LINGERIE OR A PAIR OF SWEATS AND GRUBBY T-SHIRT WITH BABY SPIT UP ON IT.!!! it is nice to dress up for your guy from time to time, but it should be because YOU want to, not because HE expects it.

The way he is treating you as mentioned before, like a "dress up barbie" and his apparent ignorance of how much work you have to put in every day to get by is not just indicative of problems in the bedroom but problems with how he treats you in general and therefore, problems with the relationship. Don't try to force a relationship that isn't working out or making you happy, its better for everyone involved, including your baby. People can only change so much, and only if they really want to.

Sex isn't your problem right now, the relationship is. Better sex won't make for a better relationship in this case, it will just make the relationship revolve more around sex and the other problems will still exist. Being his sex-goddess wont make him more respectful of you in other aspects of your relationship. You need to ask yourself if you really love this guy, and if he really loves you, then go from there to either fix the relationship problems or end it.