update, things are getting worse!!

[lost1056]

please read my previous post then you'll be caught up.

i said before that i didnt have anything bad to say about either of them, thats changed. my husband is so different, he hit me a few weeks ago for no reason (since then this has happen more than once), because i frustrated him about something. and now he's sneaking around talking to his ex-girlfriend.. but i cant say too much about that. the other marine is still the same, i see him every once in awhile and i cant help but think how badly i messed things up! i know its terrible but he was just at our house earlier while my husband was at work, we just talked and he told me i was beautiful and amazing (i mean what girl doesnt want to hear that?!?!) so of course im thinking wow, he's sincere but is it really worth losing my marriage and home i've created with this other man???
its like my husband has mood swings he cant control, one second he'll hit me and the next he's talking about how he wants to have children and be together forever. it makes me want to throw up!! because the second i start thinking ok this is it! im done! hes that sweet guy i first met then i feel guilty.

what should i do?!!? any advice would be helpful

[sera300]

First forget the other guy. Take him out of the picture, do not cling to a man to make YOU happy, find it within yourself first.

Your husband? Hit you? THE MARRIAGE IS DONE. WALK OUT THE DOOR, NO CHILDREN, & DIVORCE HIM. This will never change, it will only continue to escalate until he has you believing it's your fault he had to hit you. Yes, they are always so sorry, sweet, and they will repeat it. Hopefully it does not lead to your demise.

[Massdebator]

What sera said. I wish I could think up something else to contribute, but I've got nothing. Sera's response was pretty much as blunt as mine would have been. Just get out of that situation and don't look back. Both paths you're looking down are unhealthy and are just generally bad news.

[dungadude]

I have been married for 6 1/2 years, but within the first week of dating I told my wife that if I ever hit her leave me. No matter how much she loved me. Leave me because if I hit her once then that meant I have the potential to do it again. In addition, when I care for someone I would rather make sure they are safe than be with me. I have never hit her and never plan too (minus the arm fling in the middle of the night, but she gets knee in the middle of the night, so I guess we are even ). But, seriously, look deep in yourself and ask, would he hit me if he really cared for me? And as for the other guy, when he deployed, he made no effort to contact you. I have been deployed to 13 countries in my 15 years of service and everyone that I was involved with I made every effort to contact them (letters, post cards, telephone, and e-mail).

So in my advice, leave them both in the dust, build your self-confidence and concentrate on yourself for a while. Do not look for anyone or you will just find Mister wrong again. You will find the right person one day when you least expect it.

Good luck and take care of yourself self above all else.

[goof'schik]

ok, you need to get as far away from both of these men. I have been hit, where I lived if there are signs of violence (black eye and bruising on my arm) then the other goes to jail. the county prosecutes, this was also 14 years ago. He wanted to go take his new girlfriend out and well I stood in his way (this I found out later). She bailed him out of jail, brought him to all the court hearings, visited him the 90 days he did (he pled that "he put his hands on me in anger") and then set up house with him. Two years later he hit her. She was smart and he was prosecuted then too (i found out all this on line). His brother and sister want nothing to do with him, he's gotten that way with them too in their homes, putting his hands on them. Now he was in his 30's when he hit me, don't know if there was anyone else before me and I don't care. The only reason I look for him on line is to get an idea of where he is so I'm not.
You need a break from ALL men, clear your head, get your life back to where you want it to be and then you can think about dating. Don't let one man or any man do this to you. Love, been there

[EvilEvilKitten]

OF COURSE he's hitting you - you told him it was okay for him to do so by staying with him! Stop being a wimp and get your ass OUT of there! Get yourself a lawyer with fangs down to his/her kneecaps and divorce this man taking him for all he's worth!

[dungadude]

I agree 100% with EvilEvilKitten. Being in the military myself this guy gives us a bad name. If you report him to his first sgt the military will help protect you while your lawyer takes care of him. No mn that hts a woman deserves to e with anybody, but himself.

[dancingdoc2]

Will the Military help protect her? I just watched a program on Oprah about this concerning a wife who was raped and the military establishment including the psychologist just laughed it off. I do not recall the statistics but the percentage of military prosecutions are far below the civil sector.

I certainly do hope the military will help and that the information on Oprah was old and this guest's experiences not the norm.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Oprah is interested in ratings. Yes, the military will protect her and prosecute him - at no charge ot her, btw. She will have to document by calling the MPs, going to the clinic on base etc. Getting with the man's commander and first Sergeant is a good place to begin the process.

[dungadude]

Well what Oprah didn't tell you is that most of the cases that she referred to were when the spouse only told the troops supervisor. These supervisor care more about manning, or better yet the lack there of, with the lose of a valuable team member. They sweep it under the rug. If you get the MP's (Army, Navy, Marines) or SP's (Air Force) involved they will call the offenders first sgt/commander and that point the Office of Special Investigations (OSI) gets involved. If the person has a clearance, it is suspended. The individual in most cases is given a no contact order by their commander, which in turn is turned over to the local authorities as well for any actions they see fit.

If this does not work the victim, can go to the clinic on base, base legal, chaplains, or family support center and get the help they need.

What pisses me off about Oprah and most news agencies is that they only tell you about the 1 - 2 percent that did not get help. They never tell you about the vast majority that is helped and receive the support they need.

Unlike the civilian sector of justice, in the Military you are guilty until proven innocent.

Do not believe everything you see on TV. Do some research and you will find most of what you see on TV is very small portion of the truth. They only tell you what they want you to hear.