Wife has no sex drive...long read, please help!

[EvilEvilKitten]

I fail to see how "courting" a woman who is sneering at him and making him feel "less of a man" is going to help. She may think he's "sucking up to her" which would only cofirm her already poor opinion of him.

So unless he's willing to become totally dominant and perhaps even monstrous by DEMANDING his due - his choices are very, very few.

[kinkypair]

I was somewhat in your wifes position a ew years ago. I dont have children, but the stresses of life overwhelmed me. I became depressed and with that lost my sex drive COMPLETELY! It was pathetic! I had sex with my boyfriend MAYBE once a month and when I did it was very boring for me and I couldnt wait for him to get done and get off me. After awhile of this I went to see a therapist on my own. Depression causes a complete lack of sexual interest and there really isnt a way around it medically. If you go on anti depressants they also have the side effects of lost interest in sex. The only thing that did help me get my interest back was him infact "courting" me. I treated him like garbage and he would do little things for me all the time. He was always telling me how hot I was, how much I turned him on, taking me out for dinner, going to the drive in. He made being home much happier which relaxed me and made me want to appricate him more. It was great in bed after that! EvilEviKitten may be right... you may be beyond being able to handle this alone, but what could alittle more trying hurt?

[hemmer]

I was simply saying that he might try it if he's not given up already. He seemed pretty upset in his post, yes, but he also seemed as though he didn't necessarily want to get a divorce and that infidelity was a last resort. It would really be nice if we had her point of view but we don't. I don't see how suggestions from others (which is the reason for his post) is going to hurt him any more. Whatever he does, I wish him the best of luck!

[constantlylearning]

I agree with you Hemmer. I was thinking a different approach may actually help
and change things up a bit. From the tone of the thread, it doesn't seem that
the approach that is being taken presently is working very well.

[constantlylearning]

And hey what's wrong with a little romance anyway. The world needs more of
it.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Presently he's being nice, reasonable, trying to discuss it, etc. and we see how well that is working - it isn't. So more of the same is NOT going to work any better. Therefore: time for another approach. Break the pattern of behavior. Let it ALL out and lay it down. Then ignore her. Let her rant and rage about it. Too damn bad. Perhaps next time, she'll talk like an adult and tell the truth.

[hemmer]

I'm beginning to think that the need to be right is far overpowering your desire to help. A suggestion is a suggestion. That's all. I think that everyone in this thread wants what's best for him, so let's not argue about what's right and wrong.

By the way...have we had an update?

[constantlylearning]

Have seen NO update. I agree that most want the best for him and have
the hope that things will work out. There simply seems to be different
opinions on how to achieve the desired result. Great posts Hemmer.

[HardNgood]

I just finished reading a book called "When Venus and Mars Collide"...an outstanding read and a lot of the issues are caused by the chemistry in our bodies...for the love of geebus...go rent, borrow or purchase a copy of this book...it is an awesome insight on why people interact in different ways at different times of the day...JUST DO IT!!

[zaq]

Hello,

Thanks for all the comments. Sorry it's been a while, time goes by pretty fast. I really don’t want to get a divorce; I would like to work things out.

Anyway, we did the marriage counseling. About 3 years ago I finally went to one (on my own) with the recommendation from my doctor. I went for about 2-3 months before I finally told her about the counseling. At that point I wanted to leave and told her so. Along with the lame sex there were other issues I couldn’t take anymore. She said didn’t want the divorce and would do anything to save it. The sex returned to what is was before (but only lasted about two months) and we decided to go to counseling together. Even tried reading that book “His Needs, Her Needs” on the recommendation from the counselor. I think we went for about a 5-6 sessions before she quit.

After that, no more sex drive again but other areas did improve. Don’t get me wrong, I am not the perfect husband either. I do get busy at times and sometimes the house is a mess when she comes home. But I do not think I deserve what is happening. I do tell her that she looks great, that I love her, etc. I am not derogatory or demeaning to her in any way, nor have I ever been. Ok, so she is stressed about the bills, job, etc. I can take that excuse every now and then but after two + years I have had it!

The kids start school again in about two weeks and I was thinking about going back to a marriage counselor.


Thanks,
Zaq