How much of your sexual history do you tell your SO?

[sarah_rsl]

I was much more sexually experienced than my husband when we met. As he's not ever going to sleep with anyone else and as there's certain things we don't do sexually I'm going to remain the more experienced.

Early on in the relationship I told him in general the various things I've done, just to be up front. Basically I made clear that i enjoyed the vast majority of them that I wasn't ashamed of anything, I was in a relationship with him now and I was willing to move on. So he knew for example that I'd had sex with women, group sex and so on.

A little while ago he asked me about what happened when I had group sex, He can view things quite analytically and sometime doesn't really think about how appropriate a question is. It made perfect sense to him he was curious about group sex and I was the only person he knew who had done it. Anywho just to tease him i grilled him for ages about why he wanted to know, the idea of having group sex doesn't turn him on nor does my sexual history titalate him. I know he wouldn't make any negative judgements about anything I told him because his mind doesn't work like that.

It was a fairly interesting conversation. Like I said the idea of group sex didn't appeal to him but he said he was interested in that side of my life before I met him. I have from time to time answered other questions he's asked but I'm uncertain where to set the limit.

Anywho what does everybody else think?

[lnt1103]

Mine knows at least basics about everything, and I'm always willing to answer anything he asks. What he doesn't ask, my guess is he prefers not to know, if you follow me. In fact there was a time before we were together that we were friends and he had to listen to me about a different guy-which I regret to this day, unfortunately I think I unwittingly hurt his feelings and may have put some pressure on him. But he won't admit that to me.

I guess for me there need be no limit. If he can't know, if there are things you can't even tell him, then who? And I mean that in every respect, not just sexuality.

[lustforlove]

I answer any questions my boyfriend has about any of my past experiences (not that i've had all that many and neither has he) but i dont just tell him things like thatrandomly he has to ask first and i do him. So some things i know about him some he knos about me, but i have to say i'm not fussed about his past and he isn't mine. You know we're living in the present what's the point in dwelling in our pasts?

[EvilEvilKitten]

ALL of it!! Every last scrap! Every detail! Dates, times, places, feelings, reasons - ALL of it!! ONE piece at a time. There's no rush.

If he runs: congrats! You have lost a lout. The unworthy man has run like a timid mouse.

If he smiles and thinks yeehaw!: congrats! You have found a man! Now go and have fun.

This is just one way of separating the men from the mice.

[chetbr]

My wife and I are both second time around after previous marriages. She also had a threesome in previous marriage and I was/am curious and we discussed. Its not something she really wants to do again, but we have discussed it in the past and now "discuss" it sometimes in bed, but only as fantasy talk. I'm an engineer and can be pretty nerdy also, but at this point it just heightens the fun. If he is the sort to hold thing and obsess you will have issues with this forever, but if he's interested in a vicarious way just have fun with it

[Yariome]

I agree 100% with EEK except I would like to add on one thing to hers.

If the guy learns to ACCEPT it although does not want to experiment you have also found a real man.

[EvilEvilKitten]

It doesn't matter whether he himself wishes to experiment. A man knows that who you are is in part because of your experiences in life - including interpersonal experiences. If he can rejoice in, not merely accept, who you are now - then he's a great guy!

[raez]

yes, in total agreement with EEK and others.. beware the man (or woman) that asks the questions but can't handle the answers

However, I'm not one to divulge info willy-nilly. I figure if he wants to know, then he can ask, otherwise, I just leave things in the past. But in turn I also know that if I ever feel the need to tell him anything, I can. And vice versa. Personally I don't care what he's done in the past. I'm more concerned with what he does and wants to do with me now.