Lack of sex

[lustforlove]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

What did you think the back seat of cars were for??

Already made children surley, not making them. oh and i guess for guys to pick up prostitutes. But then it's not really my thing doing it in the back of a car, would probably make me feel like a prostitute.

[plax_max_34]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

What did you think the back seat of cars were for??

Yeah, this seems like my only option at the moment. But she lives in Queens, NY, and it can be tough to find a private spot near her house. Everywhere you go there's people walking around, busses zooming by, police on patrol. We do have one spot that we like to go to for blowjobs, and we did once have sex in my car at that spot. But unless I can get her really turned on, I feel that she may have inhibitions about having sex in my car in a place like that. As I said, it has been a while for us, and I want to get her comfortable with sex again. Unless she is really into it, I think the backseat of the car would either make her nervous or make her feel trashy.

It's also tough to find a spot near my house, although not as bad. I live in the suburbs, and there are houses everywhere. We can't fool around in front of someone's house, she would never go for that. There are maybe one or two semi-private spots that I can think of right now, but the cops in my town have way too much time on their hands, and I feel that they would love to bust up a young couple going at it in a car.

[plax_max_34]

Originally Posted by lustforlove

Already made children surley, not making them. oh and i guess for guys to pick up prostitutes. But then it's not really my thing doing it in the back of a car, would probably make me feel like a prostitute.

I'm afraid my g/f might feel the same. She has been an adventurous lover in the past, but again, it's been a long time since we've done anything, and the back seat is a risque situation to throw her into. Although she might go for it if she's feeling turned on enough, I think she could shoot me down just as easily.

[EvilEvilKitten]

OMG - even your parents did it! Yeah, yeah - eons ago but still - not like it is anything new. Heck, ask your great-grandparents about those buggy rides.

You know - if you keep it light and fun, instead of all heavy and romantic, no one feels "trashy" and if she's not asking for money in return then she's not a prostitute - whatever she might actually be doing sexually.

[plax_max_34]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

OMG - even your parents did it! Yeah, yeah - eons ago but still - not like it is anything new. Heck, ask your great-grandparents about those buggy rides.

You know - if you keep it light and fun, instead of all heavy and romantic, no one feels "trashy" and if she's not asking for money in return then she's not a prostitute - whatever she might actually be doing sexually.

Yeah, that's always a possibilty. But for starters, I'm not really sure how to keep sex "light and fun" with my girlfriend. Usually, to get her in the mood, I'll whisper something dirty into her ear and start kissing her neck, you know things of that nature. Progressing from making out to whatever we end up doing. That's usually what I mean by talking about romance. I can't just say to her, "Hey, I've got some condoms in my car. Want to go fool around?" I essentially tried that two weeks ago and it practically brought her to tears.

Something I also haven't explained here is that my girlfriend might have a different perspective on sex. I think she was abused by a boyfriend when she was younger, and her family once made her feel really terrible about losing her virginity. (I posted about these issues in the women's forum early today. Go there for more details.) Despite those things, we had had a healthy sex life, and as long as I didn't treat her like an object or take sex too lightly, there were no problems. Still, I think deep down, she has still not recovered emotionally from some of the things that her exes have done to her.

I appreciate your advice, and I still think I might be able to talk about my sex life with her, and possibly do something in my car, but these new issues are something I will need to address eventually as well.

[sarah_rsl]

I think you need to take account of your circumstances, when you plan your sex life. Sure you like to be vocal when you're having sex, but I'm sure if you practice some self control you can adjust. It doesn't have to be a huge drama.You seem to have strange notions about an idealised form of sex, and when you're not able to meet them you're just resorting to masturbation or oral sex.

I spent a good portion of my life living with limited privace and space. my partners and I planned accordingly and I always had a really great sex life. You can do the same if you just engage your brain.

[ho8er2]

Hi
lack of sex is the worst and i kno whow you feel. I do what i need to do and try to keep in mind that its not me.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes, the girl was abused re: sex. If she has not gotten professional counseling for it, she is not healed and she won't heal.

Losing her virginity is the best thing to do with it! Lose it! It is a terrible handicap. Unfortunately her experience was not a good one and her family needs to have certain things explained to them. "Thanks from her future husband for making sure our sex life will suck," being one of them.

With that kind of a background, no, she will not be able to enjoy "Fun & Light sex" because she has already paid a heavy price for it. Now sex will have to "a grand passion" and full of importance instead of play, joy, and delight.
Damn shame too because it didn't and doesn't have to be that way.

[dlb]

Unless you are living with the parents because they are unable to care for themselves you should move out!!!!!

If you are living with parents because you are unable to care for your own selves...well, this is not the correct forum for that.

[plax_max_34]

Originally Posted by dlb

Unless you are living with the parents because they are unable to care for themselves you should move out!!!!!

If you are living with parents because you are unable to care for your own selves...well, this is not the correct forum for that.

We're still in college. We're both pretty much broke right now. I would love to get my own place, or get a place with her, but that might be a few years.


Kitten, in response to your post, is there anything I can do to change her views on sex now? You said it "didn't and doesn't have to be that way." Is there still hope? Can sex still be light and fun for her someday?