Help! Feedback, serious responses for serious issue

[milf1958]

milf1958
Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2
Rep Power: 0


Help! Feedback, serious responses for serious issue

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Hello to all! Am new to this site, my first post! Am so grateful for this post, I'm hoping I will get feedback from any and all. If this post reads very sporadic it is because this is a very emotional issue for me. To give background I am turning 50 in July (midlife crisis? lol) have been with SO for 8 years. He, 55, had 5 way bypass 1.5 yrs ago. He is also diabetic. I know both of these factors play a major role in his ability to achieve and maintain an erection. Having said that, we may have sex once a month, it use to be 7+ times a week. Sometimes when we do have sex he will not have orgasm. This has been a problem for about 6 months. He has Dr. prescribed cialis but... he also takes a product called libido-max daily. Having ask other males about the libido-max I understand over the counter products can be almost worthless, however he is on his 3rd bottle of l.m. having finished off a bottle of different product and switching to the l.m. I assume it must be doing something for him. Obviously it isn't benefitting me worth a damn. I might interject that a bottle of 6 cialis just disappeared couple of weeks ago.
The reason I am posting on the porn thread is because I highly suspect internet porn to be the root of why I hardly ever get laid. Or maybe not. We do live together, he does run errands etc, gone for periods of time. I'm not overly suspicious or jealous in nature so I don't/haven't kept "tabs" on him. The reason I believe this is an internet issue is because he doesn't get strange phone calls, isn't gone enough, I don't believe, to have an actual relationship with another woman. I am vascilating between confrontation in a non-confrontational manner or investigating further. If he is literally having sex with other woman he is history. Period. I did observe him taking the libido-max just before he went to work one day and he was openly nervous about it. That suggests a guilty conscience to me. We work at the same place, I've worked there for 3 years, someone would tell me if it were a work related relationship. I feel confident in that. We have very high surveilance and one of the surveilance supervisors very much wants to have a relationship with me. He would be sure I found out.
Have I given enough background/info? Am I really asking anything? I don't even fricking know. This is a very emotional issue for me.
Ok, I need to also say I don't believe our sex life is really fullfilling for SO. He is very into anal, I'm not. I will do anal just to please him but even that has failed recently.
I guess I am in need of your intuitions as males, feedback as sexual people and hell, that's all I can think of. I'm exhausted now.
I am seriously so frustrated over all of this I am about ready to **** the next guy of legal age who approaches me.
Thank you for listening and for your educated responses...........milf

foot note:had originally posted this in giving up porn thread and was advised to move it to this section. I copied and pasted it and it worked!

[Mandie]

I'm not male, milf, but I felt I had to respond. The thing I thought about is, once you do have an answer about who/what he is using the pills with, what next?

[milf1958]

Mandy, I suppose I should have made it more clear this was a post for male and female, I think women can be intuitive and have their own experiences to share as well.

Whatever the answer is, something has to change. I don't know if it is a mid-life crisis or what but my sexual urges and desires are in a hyper gear which is why I said what I said in f*cking the next available male of age. lol

I am turning 50 next month and I do have feelings and insecurities about it. I recently changed my hairstyle and make-up and I am getting hit on right and left. I really apprecitate the attention and am grateful for the male/female interaction but I am getting nothing from SO so I am very vulnerable. I have never cheated on anyone in my life and really don't think I would or could but this is really, really hard.

My basic phylosophy is if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's a duck. I just don't know what duck I'm dealing with. If it is someone else, I'm through. If it is an internet thing then it has to stop. Sex is a very big deal for me. I love it and I'm not going to go without. He has had issues because of the high blood pressure and diabetes. I have done my best to help him deal with it. If he couldn't perform I just tell him don't worry about it, let's snuggle, try later. If he couldn't ever get an erection again we would have to deal with it. Orally, masturbation, whatever. But I am not going to just of without and be frustrated all the time because he is doing something else to satisfy himself. F*ck that.

Anyway Mandy thanks for responding, just talking about it makes me feel like I am getting closer to a decision and resolution. I'm just trying to get my ducks in a row to decide how to deal with it. ....thanks again........milf

[lnt1103]

As far as 'looking and quacking like a duck', my first and most flippant response is to ask the duck. This convo should be happening with HIM. You two are 50 and 55, been together 8 years, you should have the communication thing down by now.

I'm sorry if that comes out harsh. But seriously, just talk to the guy. One option that comes to my mind is post-op performance anxiety. People wonder if their ticker will hold up to the excitement after open heart surgery, especially when we're talking about a quint-bypass.

Have a compassionate, understanding, honest talk with him about all this in a context where sex isn't on the table at the moment. Share with him where you're coming from and ask him to honestly share with you where he is coming from.

[milf1958]

Int1103 did someone step on your tail? that was my first and most flippant response.

Int1103 are you male or female? Did you not actually read my post? or do you have short term memory loss?

SO and I have had conversation about this. He is HIDING the male enhancement pills. He just happened to be popping one in his mouth just before he went to work. I know when he takes prescribed meds and where they are kept so it caused me to investigate.

I am looking for people who will take this seriously, thusly the "serious responses". I am truly hurting over this. I would like feedback from the information I have provided.

I don't intend to get into a pissing match so unless you can provide usefull text I won't respond again. thanks..........milf

[lnt1103]

I'm a female and you're right, this is not a pissing match. But no where in your OP did it say you'd spoken to him about it, and in fact to quote you directly, you were 'vacillating' about doing so. My point was that talking to US isn't going to glean any info from HIM, so stop vacillating, sit the man down, and have it out with him.

[TnL329]

I agree with lnt, you never said you sat down with him. If you did sit down and still did not get the answers you needed, then sit down with him again, and try to get the answers you need. Cuz you can never get the answers you need from a forum, you can only get them from him.

[volkslove]

so far from what I have read of your first post that scenario is one of many possibilities. However, another possibility is this:

I am a type 1 diabetic and I know I have a limited time before probability dictates I should have a complication. Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is a real possibility and being a man one of my greatest fears. ED does have a big psychological effect on men no doubt and it appears he may be coming to grips with this as a possibility. Does he always manage to become erect after taking the pills and even so is he able to cum when he does? Being erect is not the same as having an orgasm to say the least. Your partner may be trying all ways and means to not only have an erection but also cum. This may explain the Internet and taking pills (he may be trying to masterbate to reach orgasm). He may not want you to participate because he feels awkward or embarassed. For me being able to cum is important for my partner so that she can feel that sensation and makes the act of love making full. Unfortunately for you talking about it openly can be shameful and embrassing to him. The needs that you express to him may also be applying stress which does not help the situation much. All this depends on the individual and how they react, but even saying "its alright try again later" can cause stress. You have to try and talk but you may not get a straight answer easily because it is a sensitive issue. But you need to talk to him without the angst and frustration. You need to be calm.

[milf1958]

Volks,
thank you for your input. I do understand the diabetes and high blood pressure have an effect on a males ability to gain and maintain an erection and have an orgasm. If that is the sole reason I rarely get to have sex I can live with that.

What I don't understand is if you can masturbate to orgasm can't you have sex? I know you don't have to be completely erect to masturbate and it might not be as great to not be fully erect but personally I will take it any way I can.

I don't know if it sounds like I am a shrew or what but trust me I understand the male ego and how fragile and frightening this can be. We have had other dialogue about this and I assure him we will work it out...somehow. I know I can't create miracles but I've told him I'm not going to look somewhere else. I did the best I could explaining in my first post, I wasn't kidding, I was exhausted to get it finished.

One of the reasons I posted is for the very reason you said, he may not be upfront with answers to my questions. But...if he is hiding something (internet sex) he isn't going to be truthfull. I'm just the sort of person to research and ask questions before I have the talk. I have searched the internet about the health issues. I don't have any male friends I could ask and would feel like I betrayed him if I did talk to someone we knew. Does this make things more clear? If I know what I should be hearing then I can know that I have the truth.

Anyway, I am exhausted again. Seriously it is all I can do to keep from crying just to write this. I just need to gain as much information as I can. My biggest problem with the male enhancements is he is on his second or third bottle of the same one so I am thinking it must do something for him and nothing is happening with me and he hid it. It's not like I don't know there is a problem.

Thanks again, milf

[lnt1103]

Please don't hear this as antagonistic, but rather compassionate, as that's how its meant:

Sounds to me like the conflict that's really going on inside you is 'do I stay or do I go?' Sounds like some little voice is telling you to go, but you've been with him for so long he's all you know and some other little voice doesn't want to be without him, and you want someone to unconfuse you and tell you which voice to listen to. Unfortunately, the only one who can decide that is you.