Communication problem

[pinkbenzgal]

I just want to know is it ok for two people in a relationship to go days without talking (so much as a phone call or text messages) when they don't live together?

[dancingdoc2]

Better that than seeing each other at school, then going home and spending an hour or more on the phone with each other, often with large amounts of silence.

Better that than calling one another several times a day, also. Doing either seems clingy and needy.

I do not know that going "days without talking" is necessarily productive, much depends upon the circumstance. A case and point: my better half has been visiting a relative and his family in a city several hours away since Thursday and I won't be talking to her until she returns late tonight. No big deal.

People traveling on vacation, away for months in the service, etc., often go days or weeks without direct communication; although, letter writing certainly keeps the lines of communication open.

Now, having given these examples, if the two of you are not in a long distance relationship, then what is keeping you from communicating? Preferable to a long winded phone call would be a "quickie" in which you just leave a message or tell each other directly that you are thinking about her/him and little else, except to say something like "I look forward to this weekend", or something appropriately similar. Sometimes a few days apart makes the time together more meaningful.

Please give us more information, and then we can hopefully give you a better answer.

[Browser]

I find that when I'm swamped with work (like this week, hey), it's often better if I don't contact whomever I'm dating or sleeping with for a day or so. That makes the re-establishment of communication a positive thing instead of having weeks of frustrating, limited contact. Be sure to let her know you're not ignoring her and that you care, though.

[lustforlove]

what docs said has got me almost worried. me and my boyfriend have a routine of having about a half an hour phone call every night always before we go to bed. Of course there are occations where we could not talk for a few days, and i'm fine with that, but thats normally how we role. Is that sign of an unhealthy relationship? I always thought it helped us keep up with each other, as we rarley get to see each other.

[dancingdoc2]

Dear lfl,

Fear not, for as you describe your connectivity, it seems perfectly healthy. Don't read between the lines of what I said, read it verbatim. Teens see each other at school and then go home and talk for hours on the phone. That's needy and clingy. If you are separated during a vacation or work, and cannot telephone, write, or t/m conveniently, then as along as the relationship is solid it will survive the passage of time because both individuals want it to. It's only when one or the other is insecure and worries that "what if" s/he does this or that. If something is going to happen, it likely will regardless.

If as you say, you cannot see each other frequently or regularly, then I see no harm in talking each day for a half hour or so.

[lustforlove]

ah cool i thought it was fairly healthy, i guess i should start actually listening to my own instincs about things like that and not rely on others to tell me whats wright.

[Mr. Saint]

I am a little dysfunctional in relationships because I am a little crazy. Some times I get involved with some proof I am writing and will stay in my office for well over a week. Once I was in a relationship when this happened and I stopped calling her for over a week. We broke up a little later. Don’t forget to tend to your relationship. As long as you are both alright with having periods when you don’t talk then it is probably fine. Just make sure that the other person knows you think and care about them.

[Nicholas92]

I dont think there is a rule on this... Although that might be sort of a good thing since there is really no way to get sick of each other.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Pink - it is fine.

[Gorgeous Mistake]

I'd say it'd depend on your age and maturity level of both partners. In some cases whimpy men who have not grown balls will stop calling their "girlfriend" as a sign of break up, for they do not want to face the whole break-up scenerio. This is true the other way also, a chick signaling break up with a guy. I've always faced by breaks ups but I've had friends who have been through this and done this.