Long-term Relationship Problems

[bigeric]

Hey everybody, I need a little advice/help with somehting. I've been dating my girlfriend for just under 4 years, practically living together (in college, spending the night with each other 2-3 times a week). Here lately, in the past month or so, it seems like I've been thinking about other girls a LOT, which I've never been one to do. It also seems like we have been getting mad at each other over every tiny insignificant thing, but she denies that it happens. I hoped that the summer apart would make it a little better, but if anything it got a little worse.

It seems like this is probably common among people in long-term relationships and married couples, so how do you guys work on it? I mean I don't even want the sex for the emotional value anymore I don't think, it's just..sex...and I don't like it at all.

thanks for any advice!

[sera300]

Perhaps you have found that the relationship has hit the end? Or you have become habits? When married for years you find new ways to entertain yourselves...allowing your sex life & emotional relationship to fall is a sign of an underlying matter. Need to look through that part first.

Honestly, if unmarried, at this point now; you became a couple and are seeing the relationship burn out.

[bigeric]

Yeah, we took a break for about 2 weeks and it killed us both- I guess I sort of feel like she's my best friend, but nothing more because we hardly ever kiss like we used to and stuff like that.

I may let her know that it's not working and that we need to try seeing other people...

[sera300]

Originally Posted by bigeric

Yeah, we took a break for about 2 weeks and it killed us both- I guess I sort of feel like she's my best friend, but nothing more because we hardly ever kiss like we used to and stuff like that.

I may let her know that it's not working and that we need to try seeing other people...

Best friends are a good beginning for your foundation; however, feeling as if there is nothing more? Have to find out why? Incompatabile or did you both become complacent? There are times where you have to make an effort to find time for romance, assuming those feelings are present, in the long haul you shift throughout live as friends & lovers. If none are present, and she & you became a habit, have to ask...are you really in love. And if so do you have plans to marry or to continue status quo [with no certain future as a couple]?

Seeing others is fine if marriage is not eminent, at times it firms up what you want for both of you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Talk about doing evrythig wrong, you bigeric are a master at it!
Taking a break, need to see other people, talking about it - you killed it!

How long did you expect her to wait?

Look, you have been dating more or less exclusively for years, almost living together and then - poof? NOTHING.

So she's done wasting time on you and will now go and find a man who isn't afraid to MARRY HER.

[constantlylearning]

Half in or half out. Neither scenario will work for very long. Probably owe
it to yourself and her to decide which direction to go.

[Mandie]

Originally Posted by constantlylearning

Half in or half out. Neither scenario will work for very long. Probably owe
it to yourself and her to decide which direction to go.

True, if not half-in half out, though, maybe you can spice up the sex and be playful. That makes it fun, innocent, and a together thing again.

[lnt1103]

No, I'm with EEK on this one. 4 years and suddenly you need a break? Out of the clear blue sky? Sorry but if I were this girl, the trust has turned to dust. Actually, I was this girl in high school, and the trust WAS turned to dust.

[TnL329]

I have to wonder how old BigEric is. From my experience, and I am not all the old, people go thru a major change around the time they end college. And that change can bring difference outlooks, different passions, and all kinds of differences. I am a big believer that people can just grow apart around that time. I also think that no one should get to involved and get married or anything till after they go thru that change.

[constantlylearning]

Truly doesn't it boil down to simply being honest and forth coming with your
feelings. Doesn't someone who has shared a portion of your life deserve at
least that? In other words, if you do or did have "love" for someone doesn't
that "love" at least command some semblence of respect even if that "love"
has faded away??