Very confused... I think I still love my ex?!

[Jonnor101]

I split up with my Ex girlfriend of 2 years about 6 weeks ago...

We split up because I had enough of her jealousy and trust issues. Most times I went out with any of my pals resulted in an argument... I'd never been unfaithful to her before, and have never given her reason to think I would do so. Wrongly, I let her continue to treat me like this without saying anything... Until I reached the final straw and ended it.

Now this may sound like a contradiction, but at the same time we got on really well... I think she is very attractive and the sex was always really good. Everything was great apart from the jealousy and resulting arguments.

About 2 weeks ago I started seeing someone new, she's very attractive, has a great personality and we've had sex a few times and its been very good. Things were going really well until a couple of days ago, I started to feel like things were moving along a bit too fast - I then suddenly felt very weird and guilty for seeing someone new... and out of nowhere, haven't been able to stop thinking about my Ex since...

(I told my Ex as soon as I started to see this new girl)

After I started feeling guilty, I felt compelled to call my Ex and told her everything that happened. She said she was shocked that I started seeing someone else so soon and that I had already had sex with them... I told her how awful I felt... I ended up blurting out that I still had feelings for her (My Ex) We talked for quite a while and she was actually nice to me on the phone and said she wasn't mad or upset, just shocked that I had started seeing someone else so soon... She even gave me advice and told me to just tell this girl the truth that I'm not ready for a new relationship and take some time to sort myself out and decide what I want.

...and now I'm feeling very confused... I think I am still in love with my Ex...

I thought I was ready to move onto another relationship, but now I can't stop thinking about my Ex? It's just come out of nowhere. Then I'll stop and think of all the arguments we had... and that breaking up with her was the right decision.

I feel awful, I need to make a decision fast - I dont want to string along the new girl... she doesn't deserve it, her last boyfriend treated her like dirt and cheated on her loads of times... I dont want to mess her about.

I'm not sure what to do.

Sounds really selfish, but I feel like I may have ruined any chances of ever getting back with my Ex now that I've been with someone else...

Part of me feels like I want to get back with my Ex, but then the other part of me feels like I made the right decision to begin with, and I should continue to see this new girl because I do like her and I know she is good for me... I am just a little concerned that we have moved along too fast...

Should I continue to see the new girl but take things more slowly?

Shoud I end things with the new girl and just take time to sort myself out?

Even if I did want to get back together with my Ex, I dont think she would be interested after I had been with someone else...

Probably a very stupid question, but do I still love my Ex? I just dont understand where these feelings have come from all of the sudden.

I've probably just repeated and contradicted myself numerous times... but if anyone can make any sense of the above, I would really appreciate any thoughts/comments you have...

Thanks... and sorry for the long post!!!

[Ducy]

You still have feelings for your ex yes...I mean just because you dumped her doesnt mean you dont care for her. I think what you are going through is a sort of seperation anxiety. Your so used to great sex, someone you love and getting complained to when you dont check in and such (Jealousy) And here you are now totally fine, having good sex, like a girl and she isnt being jealous.

What you should do, is make the girl aware of the situation if you havent already. Take a step back, and clear your head. I mean there is no reason to not see her anymore, but what you are going through is more of a withdrawal type thing.

I got dumped, and I was actually really pissed so I was glad but then around a month and a half to 2 months later I started feeling like I loved her still...it eventually went away. Happened with both of my relationships. First one was similar to yours (only 8 months) second was a year and a month.

Also you should realize there is no need to get into another serious relationship. You can have fun date around and stuff. Just be honest with this new girl since you seem to care about her.

My advice...no more friends with the ex...just slowly edge out of that friendship.

[sera300]

The ex is shot on trust & jealousy issues--majorly insecure. However she is correct about one matter a relationship.

The other one [new lady] is the rebound one. So you rushed. She is a woman, knew you were just out of a relationship, and should have known to keep seeing other men.

Now you; so you went on--no big deal. Hopped into bed; most do. No love; yeap.

Why you called your ex & felt guilty? She is your ex & knows you well. Both are free to date others and to sleep with whomever. Keep dating many women, keep unattached emotionally, meaning no your not in love. Have fun and leave the ex alone.

[Jonnor101]

Thanks for the replies.

Yes, the Ex is very insecure. I couldn't imagine not being in contact with her though?

I'm happy to say to the new girl things are moving a bit fast and slow things down a bit...

I still care alot about my Ex though...

I guess I just need to do as said, take a step back and see what happens...

[Brandye]

You may or may not still love your es-. And if you keep confiding in her regarding your new sexual interests, you will make it more difficult for each of you to resolve your current feelings - whichever way they go.

[lnt1103]

Let me quote you something an old bf told me:

You still love the ex...um, don't take this personally, but DUH. Of Course you do. You spent (in my case 4 1/2 years) together, and became that close and meant that much to each other. There would be something wrong if you DIDN'T feel this way. But there's a difference between love and IN love. You care that she's ok and happy and wish her no harm, even think of her fondly. That's love/caring about/whatever. And there's nothing wrong with that happening while you're IN love with someone else. IN love is different. IN love is thinking lifetime commitment. You need to figure out which of the two this is.


And speaking from the experience of the end of that 4 1/2 year relationship, I personally think you need some time to figure out who you are without Ex around and get comfy in your own uncommitted skin before you settle down long term with someone else. Mean time, explore plenty of options.

[constantlylearning]

I think (only an opinion mind you) that it is terribly difficult for someone else
to determine whether or not you are "in love" PERIOD. Change is difficult for
a great number simply because it is "different." INT1103 has several good points
that are with merit and are (in my opinion) worth absorbing. The thing with LOVE
is that there is no guidebook or manual from which to gain knowledge rather it is
something that simply has to be experienced to gain any useful insight. Probably
would make things much simpler to be able to turn to Chapter 2 paragraph 3 of
a text full of knowledge. Or even a CliffNotes version might help. LOL. But with
all the trials and tribulations aside---it's not a bad ride. Hopefully, you will see the
path you need to follow. In the meantime, Good Luck.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Probably but not for the reasons you might think - what you're in love with or regretting leaving behind are the hopes and dreams you originally had for that relationship. Nevermind - the feeling will pass.

[constantlylearning]

EEK has a valid point with her the "hopes and dreams" comment. Maybe it is
the shattered and broken dreams that suddenly seemed to sift away as the
relationship concluded. That is a viewpoint that really does have a great deal
of merit not only for the OP but........