Cheated on...really need help.

[pjm1990]

First before i continue, i'll explain what happened.

To put it as short as possible, my girlfriend of 1 year and 2 months was cought (by me) sending messages on bebo to another guy saying she really likes him lots and she feels bad because she has a bf (me) and stuff like she really likes him because he makes her laugh so much and he's soo nice and really going all out with it...
Your probably all going to say "this isn't cheating, it's flirting" well in my opinion, flirting on someone OTHER than your partener IS cheating.

So i don't know what to do, i don't know whether to give her a second chance or not, i almost ended it last night...shes lied to me plenty of times and now this and im having REAL trust issues with her...im so confused please help me im really sad and hurt

[Massdebator]

Seems to me that your girlfriend is playing both you and that other guy. She could be pulling him along so she can date him if the relationship with you ends, or any number of things. I wouldn't consider flirting over a messenger service "cheating" but I would say it's a warning of things to come. She's being manipulative. I wouldn't continue the relationship because of the trust issues. She's not interested in an exclusive relationship anyway. She wants the freedom to play, although she should've been more mature about it and told you how she feels.

[sera300]

PJM:
Cheating only comes into play when married--why? Until then you are just getting to know the other...there is no true commitment.

Perhaps it's time for you both to date others.

[DVDBear]

Originally Posted by pjm1990

So i don't know what to do, i don't know whether to give her a second chance or not, i almost ended it last night...shes lied to me plenty of times and now this and im having REAL trust issues with her...im so confused please help me im really sad and hurt

You've been together over a year and you're having real trust issues? Most likely time to move on then. Without trust you've got no foundation to build anything lasting with.

[Ducy]

Just walk out...you really have no relationship. Like DVD bear said. Without trust there is no relationship...flirting sucks, and it would hurt me too. But it is NOT cheating. unless you and your gf sat down and said okay, so cheating is this, this, and this, then it is not cheating

[constantlylearning]

Again, simple respect seems to be the issue here. The old deal of doing unto
another as you would have them do unto you. These are not novel concepts.
Commuication coupled with honesty will probably shed a great of light onto
this situation and then that will hopefully light the way to which path should be
followed next.

[pjm1990]

constantly learning ure message read like a chinese cereal box man...sorry...and sera your opinion on cheating having to be married. wrong. so so wrong.

wont be coming here for advice again...

[EvilEvilKitten]

PJM - stop being a child! You came here for advice - NOT to have your ideas validated with a rubber stamp.

You two did not exchange vows - therefore there is no 'cheating' as infidelity means breaking vows. Get over this possessiveness before you drive another lady away from you. Or didn't it cross your mind that maybe YOU pushed the lady away to the point where she began looking elsewhere for what was missing in her relationship with you.

Instead of wondering if you should "give her a second chance" - you should be wondering when she's going to kick you to the curb and why.

[Ducy]

haha wow...pmj I hope she ends it cuz your imaturity is ridiculous. So someone didnt come to this page and say oh yes you are right its cheating dump her and your gonna run and cower.

Flirting is subconcious, I mean I am naturally a flirty guy. I try as hard as I can to not do it if I am on a date. (Wel flirt with someone other than my date of course.) Its not cheating. Sex is controllable. Sure people have sex while asleep but that is a lot different.

Your idealogy is too narrowminded. What next, calling a guy is bad? Not asking for permission to go to a party is cheating? Ha dont be so butt hurt over advice. Trust me it will help save you a lot of problems later on. Cuz 99.99999999999999999999999999% of the time it works

[EvilEvilKitten]

Males get possessive far too easily. Even in the swing world, the men all want to be a lady's #1 man - her husband. It isn't quite the same of course, since she can freely take lovers. But the position of husband gives a man status and security. The other women, even those who swing, feel more relaxed around a married man as opposed to a single man.

Anything that threatens that status and security is seen as a threat by immature/insecure males.

PJM's attitude is understandable but it also brands him as a man no woman should select for her husband...not yet... maybe in a few years.

A mature male would sigh, shake his head ruefully, and tell her "quit teasing the boys and come to bed, honey".