The divorce Results: More stress and hell

[SadPup]

Well...I told her. Through a letter though a lot of people told me not too. However instead of staying away for the evening I came home to discuss the matter to her face. What followed was a week of hell. She went through stages of vicious anger that resulting in her saying mean things (like I am a selfish brat, how her parents are angry and wanting to sue me for the cost of the wedding, how she is going to fight this tooth and nail and force me to stay together with her or ask the judge to send me to jail for wanting a "non-legal" divorce), to her being down right depressed.

She honestly thought the divorce issue was because I wanted to make her hurt instead of me wanting to escape the hell that our marriage was causing. She said I didn't care about her, how I was just a selfish bastard but she shut up instantly when I told her all the work I did behind the scenes with my parents and friends to make her feel wanted. After that she was practically begging me to return...


However because of how I acted (by not letting her know shyt was bothering me, how I hid my emotions from her, and wrote her a letter) I told her I'd give her this one more chance. She has to prove to me she can be a responsible adult for once in her life. For a month and a half I am separated from her while she looks for and keeps a real job (real meaning something that pays more than min wage) and proves that she can handle things without being dependent on me...

This isnt working. She hates being by herself and it's caused her to stop eating, not drinking enough water, and tons of stress on her body such as severe periods (She even thought she had a miscarriage), kidney problems (due to lack of hydration) and horrid cramps. She cannot sleep nor even tries.
She has worked hard on the emotional aspect of our relationship which i am proud of her for but still isn't responsible. She spent over 100$ on books and horse shyt causing our finances to go back to the negative which resulted in me being ticked off once more.

Again, I am proud she is workin on emotional but she has yet shown she can be responsible. Sadly enough, I don't know how to believe her on things. Some of you know how she hates children and said to my face "I rather have horses than kids". She now claims she only said that because she was angry at me. Now, since the divorce was brought up, she tells me she wants kids and will wait untilI graduate college before we plan it. How can I believe her though when she told me and our friends how much she cannot stand the idea of being a mom.

*sighs* So now I am seeing how very dependent she is of me and that personally doesn't make me comfortable. It's been two weeks since the seperation and while she said she has had 2 interviews, no results have come from it, and with each passing day she seems getting worse physically and mentally with this dependency. I am worried and very concerned...

your opinions my friends?

[sera300]

See the emotional swings and the manipulation? If you stay w/her this will be your life--HELL forever. I realize you do not like seeing her hurt, but you have let go & are not planning on giving her a chance. Get to an attorney, ignore her hurtfulness, and look at the behavior, is this a woman to have a child with????????

Realize she will say anything to keep you around, and try almost anything, then you will find her old self coming back--once stated to me; when you see this behavior people do not change.

[sera300]

On yeah--FYI stop your college education if you are planning on a divorce. Drop out at the end of this semester. Divorce and return. College degrees are subject to marital distribution unless you reside in Cali. which is a community property state meaning everything is split 50/50.
Can move to the state of CT, reside there for a year, and file for a "no-fault" divorce; done in 3 months.

[Ducy]

Hey sera,

College degrees are subject to marital distribution

What exactly does that mean? That one party would get a higher alimony (or something) because the former has a degree?

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Ducy

Hey sera,



What exactly does that mean? That one party would get a higher alimony (or something) because the former has a degree?

It means if it was obtained during the marriage, actuaries will figure the estimate income value of it add the value over how many average working years remaining until standard retirement. The court will award half that sum to be paid to other spouse over the years. Unless both parties obtained their degrees of equal levels during the marriage.

I hung my ex on this when he tried to go after separate property. I said in essence, you degrees are worth 2.4/m to me, prefer to sign the papers and go away? He was hanging me on what was held and felt I should be paying him spousal support. That turned the tables. I opted out of everything, wanted nothing, just back-payment for bills he left which I had to make on his behalf. These were not legal fees either. He left me with $17,000 of accrued bills. I left him his pension and degrees, I went on with life.

[constantlylearning]

Sounds like negotations I get myself involved with....... YIKES.

[constantlylearning]

Sounds like negotations I get myself involved with....... YIKES.

[sera300]

Lucky you It's just a contractual agreement in the end. That's all it boils down to, unfortunately, no room for emotions.

[constantlylearning]

Glad I never dealt with it then. Again, PEOPLE LIVE HAPPY LOVE LIVE
it is so brief you will blink your eyes and suddenly 30 years will have flow
by. Don't let these years be filled with sorrow.

[sera300]

No room for sorrow, you just let time heal the pain, continue to live and to enjoy life for all it has to offer. Life is what you make of it & happiness is all in ones mind. Roll with the changes and don't repeat mistakes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnOP1WKTiLc