How To Know When Its Over

[Lyon]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for bout 15 months now, but last 3 months things have been very different we dont seem to spend as much time together, and we dont have as much fun as we used to and I just feel like I'm a friend more than a boyfriend and I kinda feel the same to her its weird, we've both bin trying really hard to make things work but to be honest i dont feel the same way towards her that i once did, I'm hoping its just a phase. It got me thinking though about how other people have decided that there realtionships were over just after a bit of advice from people who have been through it. Any body got any thoughts or wanna share there experience's off how they knew there realtionships where over, would be a help to me, thanx.

[dancingdoc2]

Regardless of your ages, this sounds like a classic case of starting to date and then stopping with the first warm body that pays an interest in us. Even if you have dated others, my guess is that you did not date many people. Even you have dated many others and this girlfriend seemed like the one to devote more time and attention to, perhaps now is the time to continue and begin dating others.

This is the whole purpose of dating, to sample what humanity has to offer so that when Mr./Ms. Right does come along we will be better able to determine this. By dating lots of other people we are exposed to many different personalities, characters, ideals, goals, morals, religious values, quirks, interests, likes, dislikes, etc., so as to be better prepared to recognize what it is that we wish for our significant other when they step into our life.

I recommend sitting down together and doing an analysis of your relationship in a polite and courteous manner, no fighting no arguing, and seeing if there is any way to proceed forward. If not, then parting as friends. The dating process is just this. Two people come together in order to become closer than what is possible as friends. If giving the relationship a good honest try for a period of time it looks like it isn't working, then understand that it is time to continue the dating process and to try, again--and again.

[gorgeous_mistake]

People just depart from eachother in time. I don't really think there's anything you can do to fix it. I know I get bored of boyfriends.. then they seem more like friends.

[sera300]

Usually at the 12 month mark people really re-think what they are doing and where they want to go. Love changes...you at times are good friends and throughout time, history together, & accomplishments together, keep you in a relationship since these strengthen it. Other times, over years, you become overwhelmed with a deep feeling of love & admiration...you find your relationship makes changes. If you are feeling distance? Most likely it's ending and she is unsure still or not certain how to tell you. Try backing off & see what happens.

Additionally; the first year the brain produces chemicals which causes a feeling of deep love; this is why I recommend never marrying anyone until you have 2 good years under your belt together...

[Ducy]

Yea the first year is usually the bonding stage, you build as much of a relationship as you can, get as close as you can, and then any time after that is working on it and making it stronger.

Me and my girlfriend actually started talking and we both agreed we were getting bored. Both with each other and dating (cuz were both broke lol). Which was a relief because we both felt better and actually got closer. (Come to find out it was because neither of us said much because we both thought we were making the other angry lol. Simple miscommunication.)

I would say if you really want to keep together, talk. I mean tell her how you feel. Maybe she feels the same. It could be the way me and my girlfriend were. We felt bored because we stopped talking to each other in fear of upsetting one another. Could be the same reason your not talking as much.

My first relationship...I knew it was over when:

I was never happy. Always angry (because she was a b1tch)
She cheated on me with my best friend...twice.
AND tried to tell me how it was my fault because I wouldnt have sex with her.
Finally I found out she was breaking up with me a lot because she thought it was a game.
I blew over 700 dollars in 3 months and I didnt do enough for her.
Threatened to kill herself if I did.

*No I didntt break up with her hoping she would kill herself, I just realized how pitiful she was. And how I was in a pretty abusive relationship.

[browneyedgirl]

Wow Ducy, you sure know how to pick a winner! Man suicide threats, cheating, ingratitude...

In response to the OP, a talk is definitely necessary. About a year into a relationship I think is one of the hardest times in a relationship and starts to really test whether you want to be and should be together. I have never been in a long term relationship that I had to leave, so I can't really give advice on that. But I will do the reverse of what Ducy did - I'll tell you why I know that I want to stay in my current relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years and I know that I want to spend my life with him because
- I have never doubted that I love him and he loves me
- I have never doubted that I want to make him happy and he wants to make me happy
- He has never been truly mean to me nor I to him. We have gotten into silly arguments but we have never participated in throwing insults at each other or questioning each other's character.
- We argue very rarely, and when we do we can always resolve our issues within a day or two if not sooner
- He does sweet things for me without my asking and I for him
- We have a fulfilling, enjoyable, and exciting sex life
- Waking up next to him just feels so right
- I have always felt totally comfortable with him and know that he loves me for who I am
- We can make compromises for each other

I guess what you want out of your relationship depends on where you are in your life and what your long term goals are. I guess the big things for me are feeling fully loved, fully comfortable, really being happy with the idea of spending your life with this person, and feeling compatible. Too many people try to stay in difficult, unrewarding relationships. I think you just need to reconsider how you really feel about her and talk about where you want the relationship to go.

[Ducy]

What can I say Browneyed, Im a romantic

My relationship is the same way as browneyed. We both really love each other, we have had some arguements, but they are usually done by the end of the day.

The one different thing, I think that really has helped us solidify our relationship is the fact that we have endured sooooo much stress and so many problems from other people. (Pyscho mom, and you wouldnt even believe the other things if I told you)

[Lyon]

Thanx every1 very very helpful post's its nice to see people giving well thought out and sensiblie advice, i really am grateful. To keep you guys up to date, we have tried talking but we end having full blown arguments and my gf is very fiery and stubon, it only takes one wrong word and she blows a fuse and wont speak to me for like a week or even longer sometimes, I'm a bit soft really. Were both in our early twenties so still live at home but my parents are going away this weekend and I'v asked her to come spend some time with me, sleep over go on a few dates nothing to intense just like when we first started dating and have a nice enjoyable time together whilst discussing things over the weekend and then see how we both feel. I thought that was the right thing to do and very mature thing, her response was 'I'll have to see'. Think that somes things up at the moment, I'm really trying hard but she dont wanna know and when we do talk she accuses me of not caring. So have decided that if she doesnt make any attempt to come over and spend time or talk to me, and just doesnt generally try I will end it. Thanx again for all ur help keep the post's coming, ill keep u posted.

[gorgeous_mistake]

This all sounds too familiar.

Have you spoken to her about her temper.. maybe about trying to have her tone it down? Don't be soft.. she'll eat you alive. I know when I encounter a vulnerable, soft guy, I will take advantage.. it's horrible I know.. but they're so fun to play with! But seriously, just ask her to try a little.. and to look over what she gets mad at, I know she's stubborn but just say "Babe do you know what you just got mad at me about?" It'll kinda help her over look herself.. well it should.

Her not speaking to you for a week.. come on!! What is this.. Kindergarten? Getting mad and then playing the silent game. That's ridiculous and you need to tell her that. You're not her little boy to have you waiting around, you're a human being! Just because she feels hurt or upset does not give her the excuse. I bet when that happens it's almost over nothing huh?

It's very good to talk face to face. Hold her hand, sit her down, look at her when she's talking to you or make her look at you when you're talking to her. Pick her chin up. Kiss her on the forehead once in awhile.. make sure she feels at ease and not ready to blow.

By the way, don't play the blame game!! Just.. no.. don't! Like no.. well you did this to make me do this and then you said that. It's not about any particular fight, it's an analysis of your relationship.

It shows that you're trying hard, just make sure she's worth the time.

[EvilEvilKitten]

OK Lyon - drop her now! Why? Because she is holding you hostage! You are so afraid of her losing her temper that you will do ANYTHING to keep her happy and on a even keel. And that's BS. This is NOT a healthy relationship at all. How can you possibly be happy walking on eggshells all of the time wondering when this atomic bomb is going to go off on you? Enough!
Yes, your "relationship" is over!

Now get over to her and piss her off so badly that she drops you! That way she will not be hunting you down afterwards! This is easily done - just contradict everything she says. Then erase her from your life entirely.

(Um-gorgeous mistake - won't work, honey. Not with this kind of girl.)