No quickies

[funinthesun]

Both my gf and I have very demanding schedules, though we love our work. Since the first time things became physical(even at the making out stage) it lasted at least 2 hrs, and usually 3-5 from the start of kissing to getting up for a shower or falling asleep. The sex is great, and we usually only stop due to physical exhaustion since she can have multiples and I have a negligible refractory period if any.


Unfortunately, she only wants to start something if we both have at least 2hrs of free time and nothing important to think about for a few hrs after that because "she doesn't want to feel rushed or not think straight for whatever comes after". We both are in our 20's and have very, very high libido and go at it a couple times a day on holiday breaks, but during the normal months it's very difficult to get that amount of uninterrupted free time more than a couple times a week. Those couple times are usually on back to back days, so it's 2 days of great sex....5 of nothing. She's horny all the time as well, but just won't do it without a certain amount of time.


To make matters worse, I was in a bad accident recently with some nerve damage that flares up and occasionally have to rest on the slower days instead, and combined with work schedules, sometimes don't get that free time for both of us when we're both healthy for 3-4 weeks. This wouldn't be that big of a deal if we lived far apart and only saw each other every once in awhile, but we see each other and sleep together almost everyday, and it's extremely frustrating for me to be turned on frequently, know she is, yet often be stuck frustrated and confused.


The relationship outside of sex is great as well and we each make time for each other throughout the week for little things that go a long way to know someone cares. In her previous relationships she never enjoyed sex and thought she couldn't orgasm, so her only good experiences were the long ones we've had.

Anyone have any feedback on how to end this cycle? A week's a mild annoyance, a couple frustrating, and the occasional month without it because she wants to hold on to all sex being mind blowing marathons is driving me nuts, even if I am lucky to have that with someone.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by funinthesun

Both my gf and I have very demanding schedules, though we love our work. Since the first time things became physical(even at the making out stage) it lasted at least 2 hrs, and usually 3-5 from the start of kissing to getting up for a shower or falling asleep. The sex is great, and we usually only stop due to physical exhaustion since she can have multiples and I have a negligible refractory period if any.


Unfortunately, she only wants to start something if we both have at least 2hrs of free time and nothing important to think about for a few hrs after that because "she doesn't want to feel rushed or not think straight for whatever comes after". We both are in our 20's and have very, very high libido and go at it a couple times a day on holiday breaks, but during the normal months it's very difficult to get that amount of uninterrupted free time more than a couple times a week. Those couple times are usually on back to back days, so it's 2 days of great sex....5 of nothing. She's horny all the time as well, but just won't do it without a certain amount of time.


To make matters worse, I was in a bad accident recently with some nerve damage that flares up and occasionally have to rest on the slower days instead, and combined with work schedules, sometimes don't get that free time for both of us when we're both healthy for 3-4 weeks. This wouldn't be that big of a deal if we lived far apart and only saw each other every once in awhile, but we see each other and sleep together almost everyday, and it's extremely frustrating for me to be turned on frequently, know she is, yet often be stuck frustrated and confused.


The relationship outside of sex is great as well and we each make time for each other throughout the week for little things that go a long way to know someone cares. In her previous relationships she never enjoyed sex and thought she couldn't orgasm, so her only good experiences were the long ones we've had.

Anyone have any feedback on how to end this cycle? A week's a mild annoyance, a couple frustrating, and the occasional month without it because she wants to hold on to all sex being mind blowing marathons is driving me nuts, even if I am lucky to be have that with someone.

It seems as if you need to set priorities in your relationship. If it's going to be Making love, then you need to make enough time both of you to ge there. If it's a skip night then it's a skip and cuddle.

[Brandye]

No two people have perfectly matched, or timed, sex drives. Making the relationship successful means some compromises. For the male, ejaculation is a physical imperative. For women there is no physical imperative, only desire or willingness.

In periods of cohabitation with males, we recognized this. I was happy with one or two langorous love making sessions a week; men need more than this. As we said good night, I always checked for signs of arousal. If it was noticeable, I took him any way I wanted - digitally, orally, vaginally - and it only took a few minutes. In return, I got a long, intimate, feeling session usually on weekend afternoons.

Those ten minutes each night were a great investment for me and really did not cost me any sleep. With both males, we had equally stressful, long hour commitments. We made it work for both of us.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Both of you have issues here. You're too "all about me" and she seems to think delay/anticipation makes the sex mindblowing. Both are wrong.

If you are paying attention, each and every time even with the same partner is subtlely different than every other time. Every time is mind-blowing in its own way. Small changes can have huge effects and those changes do not have to more than just a slight shift in technique.

Quickies are really not all that satisfying - not to a multi-orgasmic woman. "That's it?!?!" she asks in dismay. Then she starts looking for another three men to help you out. Not what you want is it? Sure, as a treat now and again but on a regular basis - no.

The best thing to do is to make room in your schedules for sex. 2 hours just before bedtime sounds ideal. You two should be able to do that easily.

[Brandye]

One of the many beauties of being is a woman is the ability to thoroughly enjoy sex with no expectation, or immediate desire, for an orgasm. Life is an exchange and I am willing to participate in a few quickies to get the intimate love making less frequently.

Negotiate. Too bad we women hold the stronger hand in these negotiations but that is reality and a mature woman can hold her advantage in check. Your friend does not sound really mature.

[SugarAddict]

Just happened to see this tonight:

http://www.asylum.com/2008/03/06/sho...ike-it-longer/