Finding something out finally

[Sweetness12]

I am engaged to be married. I will be getting married to this man in August of this year.

I love him dearly, and something I found out last night has nearly broken my heart to the point of leaving him.

In september of last year, we did one of those breaks I guess you would say, but we just didn't go out and do stuff during that week. I still thought we were b/f and g/f.....we still texted and talked on the phone like nothing was wrong..and I even went to his work to see him a few times (he worked at a gas station)
well last night we got into some Tequila and the truth about that week came out.
During that week, he thought we broke up and he slept with someone else...
He said one time, and he used a condom, it still hurts my feelings to think about it and I have thought about it all day... i still dont know what to think about it....

Has anyone else had a similar situation and if you have could you please help me?

Thanks

Rachel

[oedipussy]

OK Rachel, don't worry - I saw the whole thing on TV.

I agree with Ross. You were ON A BREAK! It was just a misunderstanding - don't make a big deal out of it. You two were meant to be together!

[EvilEvilKitten]

And your point is what?

He slept with someone else and yet he's still with YOU; not her, but with YOU.
Seems he has made his choice: YOU!

What are you worried about?

That he might do it again? I cannot say if he will or not. Neither can he. You also cannot guarantee your fidelity either - not really.

The only question that really matters is: Do you want him for your husband as he is right here and right now?

Your answer tells you what to do next.

[sera300]

Poor communication. A split is just that. Forget about it there are more issues in the world then this. FYI: At least he was truthful. People screw up in general over time, make mistakes, learn from them, so you throw out a good relationship over meaningless sex while split up b/c you failed to have the proper communication?

Forget what happened it's history---prior to marriage work through your communication & trust.

[Sweetness12]

Well, It was just bugging me and when he got home from work, he knew something was up and i told him that it was bothering me. He said not to worry about it because It didn't mean anything to him.... That he was doing it to get me off his mind... which is understandable i guess...

Everything is well now.. It was just on my mind is all.
Thanks everyone.

[sera300]

If you split, all is fair. My ex-fiance & I did for a while, then we got back together. I knew he was out & I am sure he knew I took up with a friend. It was a topic which we did not discuss b/c it had no bearing upon our relationship nor our future.

It really did not matter in the big picture of life. Trying to keep the relationship on a positive paths is all which mattered. Not who slept with whom while apart.

Obviously we split for good again, we remain friends, and this is not any subject of discussion. I do not care who he is dating...just that he is well. We have had dinner a few times, talk as friends, and that's it. Jealousy will get you no where. People stay planted where they wish to be...

[EvilEvilKitten]

If it didn't mean anything to him, which was obvious, then why bother saying anything at all? He should carry his own guilt silently - he's a big boy now - isn't he? It is not always best to confess, according to the literature on this subject. If it would severely disturb your partner - then shut up and keep it to yourself.

[Sweetness12]

I guess because he had been drinking that he didn't think it would matter...and the whole subject got started up with the topic of sex partners... Who did he know that I have slept with, and who did I know that he slept with.. it was a stupid drunk conversation I think... It wasn't anything to be talking about really, but it came up with "you remember that week we split up?" and then all hell kind of broke loose.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Considering what is before you in this life, Sweetness, esp if you have kids - this was nothing! Not even close to being "all hell let loose"! I tell you, your life will get far more interesting!

Relax, hun - both he and you are only human.

[Sweetness12]

Understandable. I'm just pessimistic and negative when it comes to things like that because I have had it happen to me before more than once *no, not by this guy..but a stupid mofo who is long gone now*

I'm skiddish about it... but everything is good now...