01-28-2008, 09:37 AM
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Need advice: Marriage depends on it
Please bear with me...this may be a long post but I need help...desperately...
Quick summary to catch people up: I'm 24 and got married last year to a girl I knew for 10 years I met through an online game. When we were dating, we'd talk about things we like, kinks, sex stories, fetishes, whatnot. At this time we were both involved with someone else. When we turned 18, we ended up breaking up with those we were with and decided to begin "dating". During this time our discussion on sex and our desires in life became more common. We got engaged and married two years ago...and since then the girl I thought fell in love was, in fact, not the girl I married... Here's what happened... Issue #1 While engaged we went out and bought a small condo in a very nice area with the idea that when she transferred jobs from her state to mine, she'd be made manager and paid at least 15$/hr. That's the words of the manager himself. When she moved out here however, she found out (or claims) the papers never went through and she'd have to talk to the manager. She claimed he was never there and gave up after 2 weeks. The first 6 months of our marriage had her not working or working for a couple weeks before quitting her job. She had 4 jobs in 6 months. When she was home all day, she did nothing; my condo was trashed all the time so when I got home from my warehouse job, I was greeted with piles of dishes, shyt on the floor, and my wife sitting in front of the TV or on the computer drawing...She finally got a job but after I had to borrow 12,000$ from my parents to maintain the rent...and sadly, it is seeming like she is going to quit this one as well...and I dunno how long it'll be until she gets a new one. Issue #2: She has little respect for my parents. I've had issues with them in the past, but that doesn't excuse the fact that when she learned she may need to be in the hospital for knee surgery, she told me "I do not want your parents there period." Even after all the help they've given us. She thinks they are pressuring and putting guilt trips on her because of her job history. I couldn't believe she'd have the nerve to say that after they bought her a car and helped us keep our condo... Issue #3: The BIG ONE. This is what hurts me a lot... She isn't the girl I married...all those sexy erotic true-stories, all those kinks and fetishes she told me while dating...She made them up...She admitted recently that she did a lot of things with me because I wanted to. She didn't want me to think her not adventurous so she went through a lot of things to make me happy. Examples of this are: She'd shave her pussy for me but now admits she hates doing it. "Looks like a pre-teen pussy. It's disgusting!" She used to draw me erotic pictures but now admits "I feel like I was pimping out my art. I hated it." or "I wish I never took those pictures for you. I felt disgusting." The worst part is this: I want a family...She knew this before we even got serious. I knew she didn't want kids. Before we got serious, I said to her straight out. "If we ever dated, would you ever want kids? I cannot be with someone who dun wants kids." Her response was; "With you...I can see myself as a mother...so yes." A year later she is flip-flopping on the idea; "I don't know if my career (she wants to be a rancher) will give me time to be a mother. I won't have time for kids. I don't want to talk about kids. Stop bothering me about this. you aren't being fair." and the list goes on... As far as the kinks go; they were lies too. We used to check out erotic art all the time but she finally admits that not only does she hate it, she doesn't want me to look at it ever again... My babes is a molestation victim so sex has always been akward for her, but she never shown any of these signs when we were dating..Not on this level...I don't know what's going on anymore I don't know what to do anymore...I have some dear friends who think I should divorce her and the idea scares me. I don't want to break her heart; she does a lot of nice things for me like fix my fav meals,visit me at work and keeps me company, buys me flowers and love notes...but is this enough? I am not sure...I don't want to be 30 and discover she doesn't want a family period...I don't want to waste my life... Please...I need advice... 
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01-28-2008, 10:23 AM
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Geezuz dude...DIVORCE her IMMEDIATELY! you would be doing a DISSERVICE to your children if you ended up having them!! If you think she's a slob now...wait til she has kids and winds up giving you every excuse in the book!! Get the divorce NOW
__________________
Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble
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01-28-2008, 10:31 AM
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Just leave...Divorce her and never look back because obviously she isnt handling this molestation case the right way....I mean as far as never got it worked out...she needs counseling, and you need a better person....
Let me ask you something...is marrying a person who has lied to you for over ten years...about herself...her likes...her dislikes...and even kids....really worth a love note and flowers and visits at work? Is it really worth getting your favorite meal cooked worth coming home from work...eating it, then cleaning all the stuff up?
__________________
Taught a room full of children how to Cat Daddy, Reject and Vogue! Mission Accomplished!
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01-28-2008, 11:46 AM
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You love her...thats perfectly understandable...and that will keep you from seeing the bad...your only options are counseling...or divorce...plain and simple
__________________
Taught a room full of children how to Cat Daddy, Reject and Vogue! Mission Accomplished!
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01-28-2008, 01:12 PM
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DIVORCE ASAP....This is way beyond molestation it's severe depression & psychosis...
__________________
Our backgrounds & circumstances may influence who we are but we are responsible for who we become. 
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01-28-2008, 01:13 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Our backgrounds & circumstances may influence who we are but we are responsible for who we become.
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01-28-2008, 01:28 PM
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Now is the best time for you to walk away, lesson learned. Once there are children involved, it makes it a lot more difficult. I know that the thought of divorce is painful, but think about it this way: stay in the marriage for another ten years, find yourself in the exact same position (only having wasted 10 years of your life, as opposed to starting over and meeting the right girl for you).
Believe me, I know; I've been there. Good luck.
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01-28-2008, 01:47 PM
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Dude, been there. The girl suggests watching a porn vid and trying out what we see, then the next day she says she just did it because she thought I'd like it. Too situation and I can't say what to do, sorry. Just don't feel too bad, you're not alone.
__________________
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door. - Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
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