Breaking it off before college, but...

[Mickeyd]

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for over a year and we're both seniors in high school. We fell in love with each other, but at a recent family gathering of mine in which my girlfriend attended, we had a long talk about our future and what we see each other doing regarding college. We live in New Jersey and I'm going to Boston College on a baseball scholarship. About 5 months ago, when I got the scholarship, she was very upset because she knew we couldnt go to college together and she really wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

Our conversation was very serious and we mutually agreed that it was going to be near-impossible to keep our relationship going through college (which was our intention). The reality is, when we're at college, there is absolutely no way we can know what the other is doing. We realized that it would be way too stressful to keep our relationship going.

Ever since this conversation we had though, my feelings for her have kind of lessened. I'm not sure if it's natural because of the fact that I now know that we have no future together (although there's always that small chance that destiny will take its course and we could end up back together in the future) or what it is.

For instance, tonight talking on the phone, she asked me if I love her as much as I used to. At first response I said yes, but then I realized, I wasn't very sure because of the conversation we had about our future.

I need some help on how to tell her my feelings without breaking her heart. I don't graduate for another 6 months and I still want to stay with her, but I want her to realize as well that I'll always love her, but we also have to enjoy the rest of our senior year.

Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

[EvilEvilKitten]

How to break it to her that you do not love her as much as you had when you thought you two were going to spend your lives together? Well, you have a choice: tell her exactly that and sound sad and upset about it because it doesn't reflect well upon you, OR just do not say anything or treat her any differently and let time and college take its toll so she accepts it as a natural outcome and 'not meant to be' which doesn't reflect well upon you either but might not hurt as much.

In other words - the short sharp let down in hopes she'll get over it quickly or the long slow ease down in the hopes that she'll get over it sometime.

Face it - what you felt/feel isn't love (which abides regardless) but affection/infatuation/lust - all of which are fine in their own way. You two just mistook it for love.

[SugarAddict]

I agree, if it was TRUE love, I don't think your "feelings" for her would subside so easily.

Ever hear, where there's a will...there's a way? You two didn't even attempt to make it work. You just kind of gave up. Sure long distance relationships aren't easy, but sometimes they work out.
Not that there is anything wrong with that...but like EvilEvilKitten said, don't confuse LOVE with affection/infatuation/lust. They are completely different.

[bWg]

I know a few couples that have lasted through long-distance relationships, because of college and because of other issues. They are doing fine.

I also agree, you gave up much too easily, but it might have been for the better, because maybe you've realized your true feelings.

[thedeparted00]

Very rarely people go off to college, best off to separate ones since you learn about those who share common interests. BC is tough, and many rarely make it past Thanksgiving holiday. Your feeling are correct...what were you seeing since many do change when exposed to a full life. Her jealously is just an attempt to demonstrate insecurity. If it's meant to work out it shall...in the end.

People require space to grow. And loving another does allow for that.

[oedipussy]

Yeesh - some of you have NO clue whatsoever. These two are doing the right thing - reality hit them and they decided not to live in denial and break it off. You don't meet your life partner in high school...

Long distance relationships? That's just a security blanket for those who are afraid of the future, unwilling to move on with their lives, insecure, clingy, co-dependent, or all of the above. It's only delaying the inevitable - a breakup. When all is said and done people usually realize that all they did was waste valuable time clinging to the past when they should've been out experiencing new things...

[EvilEvilKitten]

Some do, oedi, but it is very rare.

They can still hang out together but they both have to internalize the knowledge that this is it as far as they are concerned.

[SugarAddict]

Originally Posted by oedipussy

don't meet your life partner in high school...

You don't?

Well...I dunno about my LIFE partner, thats what we hope for anyway, but no one can predict the future.
But I met my boyfriend of (currently over 5 years) in high school...

One of my friends parents also met in high school and are happily married over 20 years...So it's not impossible.

Neither are long distance relationships I'm sure. Maybe some people aren't cut out for them. But if it's true love I'm sure it will prevail. Sure its probably really hard, but if its only a temporary thing I don't see why the relationship couldn't survive it, until the 2 are back together.

[thedeparted00]

Marrying you high school sweetheart is rare. People change and evolve with time. After all while in high school what DO anyone really know about life in general????

Give it 30 years and see how people cope, divorce or, remain in a now loveless marriage. Deal with the seven year itch...fairy tales end at some point in anyones life.

Note: life partner not spouse.

[bWg]

Originally Posted by oedipussy

Yeesh - some of you have NO clue whatsoever.\

Who might that be? I'm pretty sure you said about the same thing as everyone else.