Broke up-kinda *long post*

[NoLoveAtHome]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years, and living together for over 3 of that. I am 23 she is 22. We had a break of not living together for 2 or so months a few months back (her choice) which I agreed to and totally thought it would help her (her reasoning was that she wasn't sure what exactly she wanted to do with her life -college, job, etc. and all the hassles of a couple living together weren't helping) We have been living together again since then and it has been ok, we still get on each others' nerves, like all couples. Monday she decided to break up with me. She says that she isn't ready to settle down and get married yet, which I do want, but can wait for. But also says she definitely sees herself with me ultimately, and can only see herself marrying me. The hard thing is (as if this weren't hard enough to handle as it is) we are still living together. Our lease is up on this house in June and neither of us could afford to live apart right now. Oddly enough, we are getting along a little better now, and communicating our feelings A LOT more. To me, it just seems like we're postponing the inevitable, and I being on the recieving side of the break up, am not really enjoying the suspense. She still maintains that she doesn't know what could happen in 5 months, which is kinda giving me false hope. (I'm a pessimist, sorry) Any encouraging words, advice, been there stories?

[atomic]

I was in the same situation the whole of last year. The best thing is to give each other the space you both need to get on with your lives, be it with or without each other. I was furious every time a friend even mentioned it was weird to be living with my ex, and for us it was also working out better financially and we were being friends again and talking more, but until you have that freedom to choose your own future without the daily influence and presence of your ex, you will never truly be able to decide for yourself and move on.

Remember, moving on does not always mean leaving someone behind, but it does mean the clarity to make your own choices.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Get on with your life. Even if you cannot afford to live on your own, you have got to develop an independent life and so does she. Start looking for alternative living arrangements NOW!

Why do I say this? Because you two playing house is only enabling a parasitical co-dependency. If it weren't, she wouldn't be having doubts and putting you through this BS.

The point is - either she 'steps up', gets a life, and will let nothing stop her from marrying you right here and right now - or she moves out.

Life is too short!

[NoLoveAtHome]

Thank you very much atomic, that was one of the most thoughtfully put replies I've seen in a while. Thanks also evilevilkitten, you may need a lesson in tact or compassion though...from your posts I've read...you're a tad negative...and that's coming from a pessimist!

[NoLoveAtHome]

I know the last thing I should do is "wait on her" to make a decision. But I honestly cannot see wanting to spend the rest of my life with anyone else. And I don't really want to do anything to jeapordize that. And I'm sorry, but regardless of what would make this situation easier...living separately right now is NOT an option.

[oedipussy]

It's time to play the "I'm Gonna Let Someone Else Rule My Life" Game!

Sorry, dude, I know it hurts and everything, but it's time to find your way without her. Move out and move on - unless you want to be a slave to someone who may never come back...

[sera300]

Walk on with your life. If she was meant to be part of it she would have been and regardless the breakup you describe is the end. She is letting you go easy, most likely she is hurt too. People make mistakes. Part & go one with your own life. The right one will show in time...you need time to just have your own life now. Hang w/friends, get hobbies, try different things. In time, date women...lots none seriously though. Your hurt give it time.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You want compassion - seek out Mother Theresa. You want truthful answers - ask me.

Of course you cannot see yourself with anyone else RIGHT NOW. But you have been with her and only her for how long has it been? So really, how much real life experience have you actually had?

Seriously, this sounds more like a 'mutual security blanket' relationship esp when you consider that you were 19 and 18 when you entered it - high school, than the mature abiding relationship that marriage demands.

Oedi - you're a hoot! LOL

[machine_rat]

A lot of the time 'I can see us being married years from now' is just a way to avoid a messy breakup, so you can leave the relationship with hope that someday things will work out in the end. Even if she truly means it, she's still saying that she wants to see other people. Aslo, it would be naieve (and immature) of her to think that the two of you would go off into the world and find your way back to eachother when the 'time is right'... like so many ficticious romance movies.

You both are still young and figuring out who you are as people.

I'm sure you can find your own living arrangements, whether it's with a roomate or something very low rent. Perhaps you are accostomed to a certain standard of living, and need to adjust to having less money and space. Remember, this will only be a temporary phase in life. Don't force her or yourself into an ill-fitting relationship.

[Ephemera]

It isn't that she's feeding you BS, or that she's keeping you in suspense on purpose.

No matter how much you love a person, you need to decide what you want for your life. She's doing that. You can do that, too. Move on, pursue your own things, and if you guys end up together, great.

Don't plan your life around your marriage just yet.

I'm dealing with something like this right now. No matter how much you care about someone, you need to set out to become the person you want to be. If you're meant to be together, it'll happen. You might move on and find exactly what you were looking for.

Leave with the best of goodbyes, and keep in touch.