Should I end the relationship? Or are doubts just a part of life?

[bWg]

I have been dating a very nice girl for two and a half years. She is a wonderful person, and I like her a lot. I don't know if I love her or not, I've never really believed in love, at least not "Hollywood" love. I could definitely see marrying this girl, she would make an excellent wife. I don't plan on getting married for four or five years yet, if we do. The thing is, I don't want a wife right now. I'm starting to believe that the only reason I haven't ended the relationship is because I don't want to hurt her. She's a great girl, and I like her a lot, but I don't know whether I'm missing out or what...I really don't know what to think. If some people could weigh in on this, maybe I'll hear something that rings true in my mind. Thanks.

[sera300]

Much depends on how old you are and how many you have dated. Now given that literally sit with a piece of paper and write a list of Pros/Cons. The write out what life would feel like without her positive and negative.

Based upon this it should help. Perhaps taking a break for a while would suit you both...dating exclusively should be left for those who wish to marry in the very near future....both need time to play, explore, and get the rumps kicked by the not so nice. Then you appreciate what you have.

Love? How do you define it? Really it not fireworks going off, it's the constant steady support of the other...it grows over years. Meanwhile do realize other will move in...when they find she is single...I do believe much falls upon your age & past...are you searching for the golden ring? Or just remaining with the one who will have you and ask nothing????

[maupassant]

Originally Posted by sera300

Much depends on how old you are and how many you have dated. Now given that literally sit with a piece of paper and write a list of Pros/Cons. The write out what life would feel like without her positive and negative.

Based upon this it should help. Perhaps taking a break for a while would suit you both...dating exclusively should be left for those who wish to marry in the very near future....both need time to play, explore, and get the rumps kicked by the not so nice. Then you appreciate what you have.

Love? How do you define it? Really it not fireworks going off, it's the constant steady support of the other...it grows over years. Meanwhile do realize other will move in...when they find she is single...I do believe much falls upon your age & past...are you searching for the golden ring? Or just remaining with the one who will have you and ask nothing????

Nice one Sera....yes, what is love. I think the Hollywoodised perspective has a lot to answer for. I am a one-girl-guy...just trust my lady and know that I am first in her life as she is in mine. 44 years wed says it all.
So, chap, it is up to you. 2 years plus is a long time. Wish you all the luck and happiness.

[bWg]

Thanks for the replies.

[Brandye]

Not ending it because you may hurt her? Very common. Will it hurt more now than a couple years in the future? And what opportunities may she pass up while you are being "kind?"

[Ducy]

Well did you ever love her? I mean are you saying you used to but dont know anymore? Or that she says it and your still not sure (after two years) because Ill tell you...sera is right it isnt what hollywood makes it seem...I mean sure there is that time when your just so excited your heart races when you think of them, or smell their perfume. But then it becomes a nice cozy feeling.

I believe Henry Beecher said it best...

"Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep-burning, unquenchable."

[EvilEvilKitten]

You think you're missing out? That reason enough to end it right there, buddy! Because if she is NOT first with you, then, NO, you don't love her. In which case - stop wasting her time.

Time to end the relationship!

[dancingdoc2]

Begin dating lots of other women. Until you are ready to settle down, you need to do what dating is supposed to accomplish--giving each person the opportunity to sample what humanity has to offer us in the way of a variety of characters, likes, dislikes, goals, ideals, morals, quirks, etc. so that when Mr. or Ms. Right does come along we will be better able to recognize and appreciate that person.

Whether you date a person a long time, a short(er) time, or make a determination over that initial dinner that s/he is not a good match, then there should be no big deal to let them go. Just do so politely, courteously, and with as little trauma as possible. Will the other person be mad, sad, hurt? Perhaps.

[bWg]

Thanks for all of the replies. They were quite helpful. Hopefully I'll be able to make the "right" decision, whatever that may be...

Again, I appreciate the help.

[bluetide76]

I'd have to agree mostly with what everyone is saying here. You should think about it and figure out what you feel inside before you make a choice, that includes the pros and cons like sera stated. As for the topic of thinking you are missing out, well most of us guys tend to feel that regardless of being with the perfect one. It is a restless type feeling once you have been with someone for a long time and you think, what if I was single?! maybe I could have a change with that hot blond I saw earlier. Make sure when you way your pros and cons you think seriously about it and realize what your are truly giving up. It is possible that you break up with her and she finds a better guy then you, and you end up struggling to meet someone as good as her. Just the way life rolls.

Separate issue, why do most of the main people on here prompt massive amounts of dating? I get the idea from doc with finding what you want in a person, but who is to say you cant find someone that is the one you will love forever right away? Or even as your first girl? One of the main components of love is being able to flex yourself and in a way become better. When you find someone that makes your world and you want to be in theirs you improve with who you are. At least this is my personal experience, but it seems like instead of searching all over for the perfect fit, find the person that pushes you to be better and enables you to not only be your best, but to love everything about her. Not to mention that the majority of the things you need to learn about a person you tend to find out much later in a relationship then in dating large numbers.