Wanting other chicks - Am I wrong?

emoney · #1 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 05:53 PM

I've been married for approx. 2 1/2 months. We have a one year old together and we're both still really young, her being 20 and me being 21. She's still very immature when it comes to major things like money and she also always puts her friends b4 me, especially like she did on New Year's day. The relationship itself has never been a healthy one but I'm still with her,eventhough I don't think it will last too much longer.

I guess what I want to ask is am I wrong for wanting to have with chicks simply because I've never experienced that part of a young man's life. I also feel that as my desires to have other grow stronger, it will have and effect on my marriage.

constantlylearning · #2 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 06:03 PM

Ok, not a great idea to refer to ladies as "chicks." Ladies are just LADIES.
Youth probably has a tremedous amount to do with what you are experiencing.
Communication (honest communication) is what I would suggest. Good Luck.

oedipussy · #3 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 06:05 PM

So basically - oops? You want chicks but you had a kid and got married instead...

You're not wrong for wanting what you want - you're wrong for doing everything in your power to make sure that you can't have it. You're married and have a kid and you're only 21; do you ever listen to that voice in your head that says "maybe this isn't such a great idea?"

Don't know what to tell you really. Perhaps you should stop marrying girls that you don't want to be with...

sera300 · #4 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 06:32 PM

Ditto the below...perhaps think through what you are doing before getting in such disasters. Chicks? Vague term not a positive one though; women or ladies will get your further with the female gender.

SugarAddict · #5 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 09:14 PM

I mean if you guys got married for the mere fact that you had a child together...and there were problems present before. You probably shouldn't have gotten married. Like just because you have a kid, and decide to get married, doesn't make those problems go away.
And hopefully whatever turmoil you guys go through doesn't affect the baby.

You have 2 options really. Stick together and try to make things work out, maybe go to counseling. Or separate for a while and see if you like that situation better, then discuss divorce. But seeing as you've only been married a short time, I'd atleast give a good 6 months-year before you do anything else more drastic.

constantlylearning · #6 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 11:00 PM

Drop the "chicks" Lingo.......Ladies, women demand much more respect
than a "slang" term like that. A little effort is needed here.

EvilEvilKitten · #7 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 11:01 PM

Neither or you are properly attached and committed to each other. Are you devoted to your child? You must be since you married Mommy. Marriage is good and at least the child has a 'name', but you did NOT have to marry Mommy to give your child that. You could have arranged a 'morganatic marriage'.

This means, you acknowledge the child as yours, legally. This makes you liable for support of that child. This also gives you the right to access to that child - you get to spend time with him/her. The child bears your last name and is not a 'bastard'. BUT you are NOT legally married to Mommy.

You can do that. OR you can divorce. OR you can stay married - but even here, there are options. You can ask for an 'open marriage' where you live together as husband and wife but are free to see other people. You can do all but get married to these other people and so can she.

THINK it through this time. TALK with her. Present this situation to her as a 'problem seeking a solution'. Do not "blame" anyone.

NEXT TIME WEAR A CONDOM.

emoney · #8 (**permalink**) 01-09-2008, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Neither or you are properly attached and committed to each other. Are you devoted to your child? You must be since you married Mommy. Marriage is good and at least the child has a 'name', but you did NOT have to marry Mommy to give your child that. You could have arranged a 'morganatic marriage'.

You can do that. OR you can divorce. OR you can stay married - but even here, there are options. You can ask for an 'open marriage' where you live together as husband and wife but are free to see other people. You can do all but get married to these other people and so can she.

THINK it through this time. TALK with her. Present this situation to her as a 'problem seeking a solution'. Do not "blame" anyone.

NEXT TIME WEAR A CONDOM.

To be honest, the worst part of this relationship ISN'T the fact that we have a child,although I'll be the first to admit that she does add extra stress to it. Its just the fact that I know me and my wife aren't compatible or even close enough to make it work right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

You can do that. OR you can divorce. OR you can stay married - but even here, there are options. You can ask for an 'open marriage' where you live together as husband and wife but are free to see other people. You can do all but get married to these other people and so can she.

I've presented the possibility of space and she met it with some strong rejection. She's extra clingy and doesn't know when enough is enough.