Girlfriend with very complicated sexual issues

[confusedboy]

Hi,

My girlfriend has very complicated sexual problems.

1. Intercourse is and has always been painful for her. She receives no pleasure from it.
2. She can only orgasm through her own masturbation. Intercourse, fingering, and oral do not give her any pleasure.
3. Her method of masturbation is completely unique and can't involve a partner.
4. When she masturbates, she does not think about sex or a person. It is strictly for the feeling. Therefore, she never really gets horny and craves sex. I can turn her own but that is far as things go.

So besides having actual physical problems that lead to intercourse pain, she seems to have elements of asexuality, along with just having a really stubborn vagina.

I love this girl with all my heart. She is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I can't imagine living with out her. She is the sweetest, most wonderful woman. We've been dating almost 2 years.

However, it is not fulfilling that sexual pleasure only goes one-way in the relationship. She can only give me orgasms. I can do nothing for her. I am a young man, and it is scary to imagine the rest of my life being this way (assuming we get married down the road). Do I have to sacrifice my wonderful sex life because I've fallen in love with a woman who has complicated sexual problems? It just seems ridiculous to leave her over such a superficial thing when the love we have for each other is so strong.

Any advice would be great.

[sera300]

If you feel the need to stay for now two trips together: 1) the gyn and 2) a Psychiatrist. If she answer is no, you decide your outcome. Be certain there is not a physical condition then therapy.

[dancingdoc2]

Absolutely.

How is she with intimacy and the desire to physically express the love you share? In other words, given the limitations she is experiencing, does she still want to make out, or is it more to satisfy your "itch". The reason I'm asking is twofold; first, a person with spinal cord damage with no feelings in the genitals can still have an awesome make out session because the desire and emotional components are there, the same for men with E.D.; second, is she interested in getting to the bottom of this or does this concern her?

[Brandye]

As sera points out, this solution begins with a thorough gyn check. The solution, if found, will likely be through a cometent sex therapist. The gyn should be able to make recommendations.

The issue of always having pain with intercourse must be addressed by a gyn who has been told that is the problem. Too often women are too embarassed to state that clearly and doctors cannot tell that that is the case.

[confusedboy]

How is she with intimacy and the desire to physically express the love you share? In other words, given the limitations she is experiencing, does she still want to make out, or is it more to satisfy your "itch".

Yes, she is still into passion. She loves making out, and she enjoys our intimacy. She just can't actually physically enjoy it. She is very jealous of girls who can. And yes, there are times in which it is to satisfy my "itch."

As sera points out, this solution begins with a thorough gyn check. The solution, if found, will likely be through a cometent sex therapist. The gyn should be able to make recommendations.

She has gone to a gynecologist a couple of times to investigate this, and they didn't know what to do. They suspect she has interstitial cystitis, so they referred her to a vaginal specialist. However, the specialist does not take any insurance and just to see the doctor for the first time (without even knowing if the doctor can help) costs OVER 1000 DOLLARS!! How ridiculous is that?

The interstitial cystitis does not really explain problems with clitoral stimulation though (oral and "rubbing around" down there do nothing)

I wasn't kidding when I called this situation complex.

[confusedboy]

By the way, what sort of services can a sex therapist provide?

[sera300]

Originally Posted by confusedboy

The interstitial cystitis does not really explain problems with clitoral stimulation though (oral and "rubbing around" down there do nothing)I wasn't kidding when I called this situation complex.

Still causes foreign bacteria entry and urethra irritation...optimal for a prime infection.

[EvilEvilKitten]

If one doctor does not accept insurance - find one who does! Yegods man! This is a huge problem and yet you two are behaving as if its trivial. No it is NOT trivial. She is "asexual" because the pain has taught her to be asexual. If the pain were to be removed, then she can perhaps be re-educated and find that she is not at all asexual but rather quite the contrary. Tell her to not waste time by being jealous but to use the emotion as motivation.

A sex therapist can discuss the mental, emotional, and psychological aspects of her issues while the vagina specialist addresses the physical aspects of the problem.

Most insurance companies will pay the bill of the specialist if one has been referred to said specialist by one's regular doctor. See what you can do there while she's undergoing her examinations.

[sera300]

Much like a few bouts of "honeymoon cystitis"; the discomfort accompanied with the diagnostics, and treatment...sex? No thanks!!! Let it clear up and find something else to entertain you for awhile--play trivial pursuit or something until all is solutioned/cured.