PLEASE HELP ME!!!! I need advice

[sunshinegal]

I have been living with my boyfriend for about five months now. At the beginning of our relationship we couldn't keep our hands off eachother. We had sex sometimes up to three times a day and ALWAYs atleast once a day. Over the last couple months the amount of sex we have has decreased, not by my choice. We now have sex about 4-5 times a week, NEVER more than once in one day and NEVER everday for a whole week. I, for the last month, have confronted him and told him that I was unhappy with the change in our sexlife and that I didn't undertsand why there was now a lack of it. He told me it was because if we have sex everyday for the next couple years it will get really boring. He also tells me that his penis needs a break every once in awhile or it won't get as hard and I won't get as wet. Bottom line...I need to know if this is normal behavior cause I crave sex for sure everyday...is he cheating? am I really the right person for him if he might get bored of me?
He's 21. Just had job advancement to be general manager of company, works alot.
I'm 25. Work about 30 hours a week
Please help!!!!

[constantlylearning]

Ask EEK............She has the answers and is pretty good at giving them in
this department.

[EvilEvilKitten]

The demands of his new position are stressing him and you're not helping. Look at it this way: he gets pressured at work to "perform" and then he gets pressured at home to "perform". MEN ARE NOT MACHINES. If your positions were reversed, how would being constantly pressured to have sex make you feel?

Why did your mind immediately leap to "is he cheating"? Jeez! When does he have time? He's working, he's home with you. That doesn't leave all that many hours in the day. He has to sleep sometime.

At 25, I should NOT have to point these things out to you. It is about time you became less self-centered. Remember, he is just as human as you are and just as vulnerable. My advice is for you to RELAX. Make the home a welcoming, nuturing, sanctuary where a person who really gives a damn about him, as opposed to just his penis, lives.

Then go and read the sticky posts: The Program and Bodyworship.

[constantlylearning]

SEE what I was talking about......the lady knows her stuff.

[dancingdoc2]

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Originally Posted by sunshinegal

I have been living with my boyfriend for about five months now. At the beginning of our relationship we couldn't keep our hands off eachother. We had sex sometimes up to three times a day and ALWAYs atleast once a day.

It is normal for a couple to have sex less often as the newness wears off while at the same time the relationship matures. One to three times a week is not unusual after awhile. Each of these sessions may be single or multiples, it all depends upon mood, energy, interest, etc.

Over the last couple months the amount of sex we have has decreased, not by my choice. We now have sex about 4-5 times a week, NEVER more than once in one day and NEVER everday for a whole week.

This rate or frequency is well within the bounds of what is normal, however, having said this, "normal" is a range and should be negotiated between the two of you to see if you can have a weekly frequency that you both can live with. This may mean that you do not always have intercourse, and that one or the other of you sees to the other's needs with a hand job and/or oral if one of you is tired.

Sex is a partnership. It is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other. See what the two of you can work out.

I, for the last month, have confronted him and told him that I was unhappy with the change in our sexlife and that I didn't undertsand why there was now a lack of it.

Please be careful. Having a discussion is different and usually a more positiive approach to problem solving than confrontation.

He told me it was because if we have sex everyday for the next couple years it will get really boring.

This can definitely happen. However, if he likes sex, then he should be motivated enough to keep it interesting for the next fifty years. The two of you should begin this trek by reading the informative articles listed in the Index.

There are also plenty of sex manuals to read, beginning with the "Joy of Sex".

He also tells me that his penis needs a break every once in awhile or it won't get as hard

Maybe yes, maybe no.

How often does he masturbate? If he does this a lot, and more than you have sex, then his response is so much hooey. Taking a break now and then or reducing the frequency will certainly keep his ardor strong and the volume of semen at a level that provides strong(er) orgasms.

I do agree that having sex a lot can get old without the two of you working to keep the activity vital.

...and I won't get as wet.

This is pure nonsense. Wetness equates to arousal. If you are sufficiently aroused by whatever means stimulates your five senses, you will likely become wet. How much often has to do with the time of the month as well as how aroused you are becoming by being stimulated.

Bottom line...I need to know if this is normal behavior cause I crave sex for sure everyday.

Please go back and read what has been mentioned, above, about sex frequency declining over time to a rate that is a few times per week; and, try working with him on maintaining an interest in "you". Ya gotta work together because making love is the outward expression of the feelings you have for each other. If this remains healthy, then your passion for expressing your love will continue.

..is he cheating? am I really the right person for him if he might get bored of me?

You'll have to ask him.

He's 21. Just had job advancement to be general manager of company, works alot.
I'm 25. Work about 30 hours a week
Please help!!!!

As with all the tasks that go into making a relationship work, you have to schedule time. From your description, it doesn't sound like either of you are tired, although, if he is, then change your schedule. Go to bed an hour earlier and wake up an hour earlier. Part of the time he can address your needs without having to have an orgasm or summon the energy for intercourse, all the while expressing the love he has for you.

It is normal for guys to masturbate in between love making sessions. One has nothing to do with the other even though the results are the same. One is an expression of love; the other is a stress reducer. If he does masturbate in between times, perhaps you can work out some quickie sessions that do not require much time and effort.

The potential danger with every relationship is that the man becomes complacent and starts taking the relationship for granted. He has to understand that regardless of how often the two of you make out, that the love he has for you is expressed one way or another. Also, make sure your desire for more sex is not based upon a real or perceived lack of intimacy or expression of his love. In other words, being needy because he is not paying you enough attention. If this is the case, he needs to be made aware of his ongoing responsibility for keeping and maintaining a healthy relationship.

I am not saying this is the case; yet all too often we learn of guys who pursue the gal, once he gets her, he goes off on other pursuits, figuring that he's got her and no further effort is required. Wrong.

I suggest having one or more discussions with him and assessing his interest and willingness to feed your relationship. Work together to figure out how both of you can get what you want with a compromise that each of you can be happy with.