Cheating with vibrator?

[NoLoveAtHome]

My girlfriend (22) and I (23) have been together for 3.5 years. Our sex life is less than spectacular, more like nonexistant. With our crazy work schedules, we haven't been able to give much time to our relationship. I have always been the horny, I want sex all the time one, and she well...doesn't. The past 1.5 years or so she has become unhappy with her appearance, and thus doesn't want me to see her nude...despite my admirations. The past month her excuses for not wanting sex have been limited to "I'm tired," and this week I found a vibrator under the bed, which had not previously been there, along with random romance novels. Is my girlfriend cheating on me...with a vibrator? I have yet to confront her about it, but seeing as I work all the time, I would rather be sure that she IS actually using it, despite my attempts at intimacy.

[cjb1981]

Well, most people do masturbate. I don't think that anyone really considers it cheating. You don't consider yourself to be cheating on her when you masturbate, right? I do understand what you're saying though. I know I'd be bummed out if my girlfriend never wanted to have sex with me, yet she had romance novels and a vibrator under the bed. If she isn't happy with her appearance, and doesn't want you to see her naked, it's probably just more comfortable for her to get herself off. Without have to be concerned with the way she looks, she's probably more able to reach orgasm. I don't think that I would say anything about her "stuff". I'd just reiterate that I love her body, and that she has nothing to be unhappy about with regards to her appearance. Any chance that she'd be willing to do something with the lights really dim, or partially clothed? Also, it sounds like the two of you have very different sex drives, that fact can make it really difficult for a relationship to last.

[HardNgood]

see if she's into seeing a therapist...if not...dump her..

[NoLoveAtHome]

Originally Posted by HardNgood

see if she's into seeing a therapist...if not...dump her..

wow...mature response...apparently you have never been in love.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by NoLoveAtHome

wow...mature response...apparently you have never been in love.

In fact they are mature responses. And they are a culmination of years of love & relationships. At your age which is young sex issues should not be this difficult. Love, trust and communication are essential & when one is not open to seeking outside assistance failure dooms. Many are sharing years of agony in the hopes it can help you ...She has apparent issues and if not discussed and resolved only you can decide if you want a sexless & rejected relationship or a nurturing sexual experience with one you love...

[NoLoveAtHome]

i understand that everyone (or most people) masturbate, and I don't really consider it cheating, hell, I do it all the time. I just can't for the life of me understand hiding it (the vibrator) from me...unless the problem lies with me...I can't even get her to go to the "adult stores" with me, and she went by herself to get it. I'd like to bring it up with her, but I dont want to sound like I was snooping...even though it is OUR house. I just can't understand with both of us being unhappy with our sexlife (me moreso) why she couldn't share it with me, and maybe occasionally make it fun for both of us.

[oedipussy]

So what exactly do you want - people to baby you and tell you what you want to hear?

Fine - You love her. Sometimes that just isn't enough. You'll get exactly what you're willing to put up with. If neither one of you wants to work on changing things, either move on and find someone else or go on with this sexless relationship and quit complaining...

[NoLoveAtHome]

Originally Posted by oedipussy

So what exactly do you want - people to baby you and tell you what you want to hear?

Fine - You love her. Sometimes that just isn't enough. You'll get exactly what you're willing to put up with. If neither one of you wants to work on changing things, either move on and find someone else or go on with this sexless relationship and quit complaining...

I'm just wondering what other people would do, or have done in my shoes. I know we have work to do to fix the stuff thats wrong...I just want some advice...in this particular instance, should I say I know about it?

[cjb1981]

Originally Posted by NoLoveAtHome

I'm just wondering what other people would do, or have done in my shoes. I know we have work to do to fix the stuff thats wrong...I just want some advice...in this particular instance, should I say I know about it?

I don't think you should. What could possibly be the outcome other then her getting embarrassed, then pissed?

[Brandye]

Thousands of thousands of women have vibrators. I would hazard a guess that most of the women who post here have vibrators (I sometimes use my girlfriends). Using a vibrator is not an alternative to loving sex with a man - it is a supplement.

The behaviour you describe is indicative of some deeper issues in the relationship. The vibrator is a minor symptom and not worth the hassle of discussion unless you get the deeper stuff cleared up.