Three-some

[Dawn80]

Hey guys {and gals}:
I am in a long term-relationship....in fact, we are engaged and I'm really happy. I have always been bi-sexual. I have mostly dated men but I have also dated some women. My fiance has known from the day we met that I am bi-sexual....I have never kept that a secret.
Here is the deal: Although I am engaged to a man, I am still VERY much attracted to women. I have never once cheated on a partner and never will, especially my fiance....but I find I am craving a woman again. My fiancé is aware of this and mentioned that maybe we could have a three some with another woman. I have heard numerous therapists and articles saying that introducing a three some into a long term, heterosexual relationship is a bad idea and almost always ends in conflict.
My question is: have any of you experienced a three some....good or bad...and how did it effect your relationship?
Thanks everyone.

[nympho]

Please don't do it! It could ruin your relationship. You say it won't but believe me it will. I had a threesome and it broke my relationship with my friend and with my then boyfriend. He said that she was better at some things than me and vise versa.
Be careful and go through everything carefully before you make a decision.

Good luck

[Brandye]

I share nympho's hesitancy with respect to threesomes. There are many, many threads on those. Some here feel different. I am actively bi-sexual but never married. In younger years, I seemed to bounce back and forth between lesbian and straight and eventually accepted bi- with a female partner who is also bi.

I cannot imagine a threesome mixing genders not leading to an unhappy end. None of the men in my life have ever been aware I went the other way; all of the women have been aware of this.

I have both friends and patients who are in long term marriages who frequently "have tea" with a woman friend. Does not raise a bit of question.

[Dawn80]

This is what I thought. My fiance is all for the idea...of course. He is not pressuring me or anything, simply becasue he knows this is my choice. I have had many oportunities to do this kind of thing since I met him and always turned them down because being with another women is just not worth losing our relationship. You two just confirmed what I was already feeling/thinking. I guess I'll just continue to satisfy myself with my usual "lady" porn...teee-heee-hee.
Thanks ladies.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Before you go making up your mind, Dawn, you might want to consult someone from the 'other side'.

Several points:
1. you can do non-bi threesomes - witness MFMs the vast majority of which are non-bi.
2. you BOTH must go hunting together. No picking up a woman on your own.
3. Leave your current friends out of it. Part of being discreet.
4. Find you local swing group and consult them before going anywhere else.

I personally enjoy threesomes! Both FMF and MFM. Much to their delight, I pass my men around like a bag of potato chips - after they've been skill tested, of course - I cannot have my rep ruined by passing around an unskilled lover. Contrary to popular belief - it is the man who has to be clever to satisfy two women, or more, simultaneously - it can be done however!

Now then, you can change the atmosphere by making small changes in the planned scenario. He can be tied down onto the bed and the two women can gang up on him, or, if bi, they can have fun and let him watch getting him all excited but unable to do anything about it. You can have him pleasure you both simultaneously. Other interesting things are deciding what his role is to be: aggressive/active or passive; blind-folded or not. Asking a man to pleasure you both simultaneously and actively while blindfolded calls for MAJOR skills on his part.

The one thing both of you MUST do - is to separate the emotional bond (love) from the physical acts (sex). Yes, you both have to like and be aroused by your potential "third", as she/he is called, but you do NOT and indeed must not LOVE them. Do you see?

Then there's the added joy of once he gets his FMF, you can get your MFM - and WOW THAT IS GREAT!!!

[machine_rat]

I find that what this really comes down to is can he have fun in the sack without the emotional attatchment.

In all of my experiences, I never went away longing for the other girl, if anything I was appreciative for my girlfriend/wife letting me have the opportunity.

This makes me think of a rather blunt way some guy said on the radio to alleviate a girl's fears that the boyfriend would find the other girl better in bed: "Better in bed... how hard is it to lay on you back!"

[curious_woman]

My fiancee and I want to have a three-some. He isn't forcing, I WANT to, and I am not forcing him into a position he is uncomfortable with. We've set some ground rules for the first time, I have to trust the woman, and I have the final say but of course he has to approve her. And of course she has to be clean and on birth control. Some other rules, to keep our emotional bond strong:

1. No cumming inside her, I just don't feel comfortable about it...its mine!

2. Make sure neither of us feels "left out" ex. at no time will one of us be just watching, we'll always be involved some how. Like if I'm going down on her, he'll penetrate me from behind...or if hes fingering her I'll suck his cock, that sort of thing

3. Not very much penetration in her, like not enough for him or her to finish, it ties in with the first rule...I have a feeling I'll be a little more comfortable about it in the moment...secretly I find it a bit hot the idea of watching him **** someone.

4. If either of us feel uncomfortable we'll stop, and we'll make sure the third understands this before we have the three some.

5. We both have "goals" we want to do, and we've each agreed on one of our own, and one we both want (I want to go down on her, he wants to rub and slide in for a few seconds as a tease, we both want him to cum on myself and the girl, then we all lick it off each other)

We've talked about it A LOT and it is something we'll do eventually. I think our emotional bond and love is strong enough to separate sex from our relationship. We even said we might find a female friend to do it with on a regular basis if we enjoy.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Curious - HE MUST WEAR A CONDOM - so your rule #1 is a non-issue.

Yes, I know all about it - BUT this is for everyone's protection.

But it seem to me that you're more into satisfying your bi-curiousness rather than truly "sharing" your man. That's fine but it might be a bit selfish if that is ALL you do with a FMF threesome. Remember to change to center of attention from time to time.

[browneyedgirl]

It's a decision only you can make, but you have LOTS of time, so don't rush into anything. You're engaged, so you have the rest of your lives together to figure out whether this is something you want to do. I have never had a threesome while in a relationship. Now that I am in a loving relationship with the person I'm planning on spending my life with, it is something we have talked about a lot. Like you, I am very much attracted to women, tho I've never dated or gone all the way with a woman. We have a bi friend who my bf and I are both very attracted to and she has made it very clear that she thinks I'm attractive and would want to have sex with me. But tho it's something I love to fantasize about, I just don't know if I would go through with it. While I don't think I have that much of an emotional attachment to sex, I really don't know how I would feel in the moment, and that's what scares me. Sure it would be great to mess around with another girl, but that is so much less important to me than my relationship, and the possibility of messing things up is just not worth it. I don't like the idea of him having sex with anyone else. So... it's a thought to entertain, but I'm not planning on having a threesome anytime soon. You might want to check out this guide: http://www.allsexguide.com/threesome.htm

[curious_woman]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Curious - HE MUST WEAR A CONDOM - so your rule #1 is a non-issue.

Yes, I know all about it - BUT this is for everyone's protection.

But it seem to me that you're more into satisfying your bi-curiousness rather than truly "sharing" your man. That's fine but it might be a bit selfish if that is ALL you do with a FMF threesome. Remember to change to center of attention from time to time.

I suppose you're right about the condom, he can always just take it off to cum inside me at the end. And yeah, I guess its more for my fantasies with a woman. I've made out/petting with a woman but never had the chance to go further. Personally, I would LOVE a MMF three some, but he is not at all comfortable with it, and I don't want to pressure him.