Young couple problems. please help

[Mickeyd]

My girlfriend and I are both 17 years old and have been going out for about a year now. The past month or so, we've been getting into a lot of fights. Not mutual fights, but tough situations that I start, and can't get myself out of. If I were her, I would have broken up with me a long time ago, and last night, we got in a HUGE fight about her thinking I care about my friends more than her. After every fight, I know I'm wrong and I feel ashamed because she gets very upset and I know after a while my apologies don't mean anything anymore because my stupidity causes me to do stupid things that end up hurting her which is just damaging our relationship.

When she can tell I'm really upset and am sorry, she forgives me and I feel like total ****. I tell her that she doesnt deserve half the **** i put her through (accidentally of course), and that I dont deserve her. She then reassures me by saying how Im her true first love and shell never feel about anybody the way she does me.

I know what you older men and women are thinking, "Typical teenagers, thinking they know what love is..." Well I'll tell you one thing, my girlfriend and I are not those typical teenagers. She's mature and caring and knows what is right and wrong.

I just need help because I keep messing up and I want a way to prove to her how much i care and how much i appreciate the fact that shes holding this relationship together. I know she'll love me to the very end but I don't want to keep putting her through this misery.

[sera300]

Best I can say is let it rest & go your own ways for a while; OR work it out...go to some counseling as to what begins the fights/arguments. There is an underlying issue which is being missed...

[Ducy]

If you want to show her how much you care, find something you told her you would never do, and do it...not like cheating, but for instance...

One time, I showed my girl how much I cared by buying her tampons lol. Sounds dumb, but I had once told her I would never buy tampons for anybody no matter how much...so we were having a bad week, three days of starting great and ending with me being stupid and causing a fight, so I wanted to show her just how much I cared by buying her tampons.

Dumb yes, but it had a lot of meaning behind it, because I couldnt even walk down the isle without turning red. But there I went, taking the time to choose the right ones (rather than grab a box) and pay for them in front of my supervisor, and three other checkers at my work.

[Godiva]

I'm only a little bit older than you Mickeyd, and I don't doubt that you and your girlfriend love each other very much. It is possible that while you both really feel for each other, you just don't get along well. You might not have compatible personalities and lifestyles, and that's ok.

Like Sera said, you guys can try to work through it or separate for awhile. I think that you should both try to date some other people. Relationships don't have to be a permanent thing, and if you find you're less happy as of late, maybe it's time to try something different.

[Dawn80]

Mickeyd....I am impressed by your maturity and ability to understand your role in most of these fights. A lot of young men your age would not see this, nor would they care. I think the fact that you recognize this is the first step. I know this sounds like a "girly" thing to do, but hear me out. Start a journal and keep track of your fights. It doesn't have to be a fancy writing journal or anything like that....it can even be on your computer. Every time you and your girl have a fight, write down what you were doing, feeling, thinking...before, during and after the fight. Try to figure out if something is triggering this in you...be it stress, pressure, tiredness.....whatever. This is what the therapist recommended that my fiance and I do and it was a real eye-opener.
And don't let anyone tell you that this is "just a phase" with you because you are young and only in 'puppy love'. Love at your age can be just as real, blissful and painful as it can at any age.

[LoveGems]

Me and my boyfriend have the same problem, we are not far off the age of you. It could just be down to stress and you take it out on eachother, this is what we do a lot.

The first step is admittance, and you have already done this. Talk about it with your girlfriend and see how she feels and whether she also thinks that the argueing is a big problem. Communication is the key!

[EvilEvilKitten]

STOP FIGHTING... PERIOD!

The only reason you are fighting is because you two are not communicating effectively. REFUSE to fight at all. It is unnecessary; totally unnecessary.

Let us look at the one you told us about

"you care about your friends more than you care about me."

Okay so you stand accused.. well, why was she accusing you of this? Have you been spending more time than usual with your friends?

If yes, then apologise, take her into your arms, and say okay but I need one night a week to spend with them.

If not, then SHE has an issue and it may be something as simple as she's not feeling your love and affection and would like some more attention from you. So, take her into your arms, kiss her passionately until her knees turn into rubber and whisper that she's a silly little kitten and then take her to bed.

NOTICE: no fighting ensued.

BTW - always spoiling for a fight is a red flag

Remove the heat from the statement. Ask if you need help dsicovering the real issue behind the accusation/statement and then address the issue honestly without becoming a wimp about it.

TALKING, NOT FIGHTING, SOLVES PROBLEMS.

[Ducy]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

STOP FIGHTING... PERIOD!

The only reason you are fighting is because you two are not communicating effectively. REFUSE to fight at all. It is unnecessary; totally unnecessary.

Let us look at the one you told us about

"you care about your friends more than you care about me."

Okay so you stand accused.. well, why was she accusing you of this? Have you been spending more time than usual with your friends?

If yes, then apologise, take her into your arms, and say okay but I need one night a week to spend with them.

If not, then SHE has an issue and it may be something as simple as she's not feeling your love and affection and would like some more attention from you. So, take her into your arms, kiss her passionately until her knees turn into rubber and whisper that she's a silly little kitten and then take her to bed.

NOTICE: no fighting ensued.

BTW - always spoiling for a fight is a red flag

Remove the heat from the statement. Ask if you need help dsicovering the real issue behind the accusation/statement and then address the issue honestly without becoming a wimp about it.

TALKING, NOT FIGHTING, SOLVES PROBLEMS.

Hey....I like this advice quite a bit...I think I should start using this rather than what I normally do...i.e. apologize immediately even if it isnt my fault

[HardNgood]

as long as she has a warm wet spot and she is a nice place to land,,,you'll never get over her....grow a set!!

[EvilEvilKitten]

ty Ducy - but it won't be easy. Like most things, learning to NOT fight takes practice.