Reconnecting and Keeping It Alive

[Ducy]

Okay so for most of my life, my friends and my cousins have asked me questions, and I have always happy to answer them. Usually, its something like dating tips and advice, talking to a new girl etc. But today I got asked a question that I didnt know how to answer.

How do you reconnect, and rekindle a relationship with your significant other?

My cousin has been with her boyfriend 18 months, and they both feel that they are slipping apart. They both go to different schools, so they see each other about once a week. They havent had sex yet, so its not like they want to rekindle the flame .She just wants to know how to feel that deep connection that they felt up until they started going to different schools.

What would you do to save your relationship? Reconnect etc.

Any answers would be cool, because me and my cousin have alway been uber close, and I hate to see her sad.

[Ducy]

I know that I could just say to call it quits, and date others, but my cousin is really happy with him, and well I have never been able to break someones heart or give them the tough love kinda advice....what can I say, my heart is as big, soft and warm as a grizzly bear....not that great of a comparison but i thought it better than a moose, and I couldnt think of any other animals lol.

[atomic]

I wouldn't say call it quits at all

They are young (if they are still in school), but it doesn't mean they are not ready for and shouldn't have a long term relationship. There is just as much joy in that as there is in getting whatever experience you can from whomever you can while you are still young.

To rekindle the flame, it would be nice to relive their first date, or go over old emails or photographs or vidoes of them doing stuff together. A connection is always made where fond memories exist, so reliving them can really bring people together again.

Because they are in different schools, it might be nice to start doing something like handwritten letters with a photograph attached - something physical that they can treasure and read over, instead of just text messages and emails

[EvilEvilKitten]

I know it is hard for you, Ducy, but this time - it is quits. Sorry, I know she doesn't want to hear it but they are both changing. Their relationship is also changing. There isn't any way to stop the evolution of relationships. Face it, marriages also undergo this same process and the two partners are usually side by side in bed every night so what real chance does your cousin have to stop their relationship in its tracks and hold it there like some "Picture of Dorian Gray" thing?

Tell her just what I said above and to relax, stop fearing the future, and just see what comes. I know you don't want to see her sad but it is through sadness that we come to know joy.

[Ducy]

I guess....*gulp* here goes.

[browneyedgirl]

Personally, I don't really know if I could ever have a long distance relationship. If you're going to try, the couple really needs to stay in contact. Phone and text each other frequently to check in, and don't let seeing each other become routine. Go out on fun dates, keep the romance up. Hang out and relax with each other, make each other candlelit dinners, give each other little tokens of affection, etc. I think rekindling romance is totally possible, but long distance relationships (especially if they have recently started school and will be there for another 3 or 4 years) are usually too difficult to maintain. Unless they will be transferring schools soon or moving in together, it doesn't seem likely that it'll work.

[Ducy]

Well the reason behind them going to different schools isnt because they both are starting high school, in fact they are both seniors, and I guess he had gotten into a fight with one of her ex's because he reached down and coped a feel during a school dance. Pretty stupid but hey I probably would have done the same things...and she's only my cuz.

EEK, I tried to tell her...really I did, but I couldnt. I told her a few things that I thought of, and then I told her that if it didnt work, she would have to take a step back...

[EvilEvilKitten]

Ducy - you're going to have to toughen up if you're ever going to be able to face life. I understand your position, really I sympathize, but please stop trying to shield people from the truth. Relationships change over time as the people withn them change over time. Change is not by definition bad - just different. That is essentially all you had to tell her. Then give her a hug and let her know you feel her pain.

[Ducy]

I know I do EEK, I know its not the same, but I did tell her that if it didnt work it was time to call it quits. I just have never been one to break somebodies heart...Well someone I know. I could easily tell some random girl at school to end it. But you know its family, so it puts me in a harder position.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes it does; nevertheless you do have to work out a method for imparting "bad news" with sympathy.