Help! He Never Wants To Have Sex!!!

[Wet Rainbow]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and sex has not been good at all.

When we first met we were both virgins and we had sex our first time together...

When we lived seperately, I would have to beg him for sex... He would rarely agree and just tell me that when we lived together he would want to have sex more... Well now I'm living with him and he still doesn't do it with me...

I want to have sex almost every other day... HE NEVER WANTS TO DO IT!!!
I'm dead SERIOUS!!! He never ever ever wants to do it!!! Now when I beg him he just yells at me and leaves..

I've been living with him for about 2 months and only got sex once AND IT WAS THE WORST!!!
He didn't even put any effort in it... it lasted litterally 15 seconds. I give him hand jobs, head and everything... He won't lick me or do anything... The only thing he does is touch my breasts.... Hes not good at that either... hes not very gentle.

What am I suppose to do?!!? We had plans to maybe get married... he says he wants to be with me forever... but now I'm having second thoughts on this relationship and I don't see myself with him in the future anymore...

What do I do!? HELP ME!!! I WANT MORE THAN ONE RESPONSE SO PLEASE PEOPLE POST AND HELP ME OUT!!!

[sera300]

Decide is this how you wish to spend your life? If not both of you must seek professional help; as to why and will this ever change. Also Rule out a medical issue.

[Wet Rainbow]

Originally Posted by sera300

Decide is this how you wish to spend your life? If not both of you must seek professional help; as to why and will this ever change. Also Rule out a medical issue.

A medical issue...
He had cancer when he was a child...(Neuroblastoma)...He is better now, the cancer is gone.
It was something wrong with his nervous system... in his brain, abdomen... I don't know if that effects sex??
I'm not sure if he can make children & I don't know if that would affect his sex drive?
He doesn't have any knowledge about the cancer he has had... I actually think I know more about it than he does...

[curious_woman]

It sounds like he's never going to have much of a sex drive, it might be wise to consider breaking up with him. I don't want to sound mean but you have basically stated you can't live with someone the rest of your life that doesn't satisfy you sexually, so its better to break up now before you're married. You could always try seeing a counselor or seeing a doctor for it though, maybe its fixable.

[sera300]

Wetrainbow...Please take some time to read & stop all the redundant posts. People here are happy to help. But enough, go to a doc....and read then ask.

[EvilEvilKitten]

This is what you get when you take on a virgin 8 times out of 10. They have gotten so good at saying NO and at supressing their own sexuality that they end up being incredibly bad lovers. I admit that my stats are based upon an informal poll taken at another sex site - your mileage may vary and void where prohibited by law - must be over 21 to win.

My advice: Move out and move on!

[browneyedgirl]

Medical issues aside, what you have now is how it's going to be. If he is having medical problems - which could range from stress, low testosterone levels, erectile dysfunction, etc. - then I would stick it out and see if treatment helped the situation. I feel like the biggest problem though isn't even the lack of sex, but the fact that he isn't willing to work on such a big part of your relationship when he sees that it bothers you. If you have to beg for sex? Maybe he's a control freak and this is how it shows? In any event, though, his behavior isn't appropriate. Whether or not he thinks the lack of sex is a problem, if he cares about you he NEEDS to realize that it's a problem for you and for the relationship. Most couples don't have the same libido, but he is not compromising or trying to make things work for you in any way. If he didn't want to have sex because he was embarrassed by his performance or something like that, then why wouldn't he try to do things for your pleasure, like going down on you? In my opinion, the problem is that he isn't willing to consider your needs. This is not a superficial reason to leave a relationship. If I were you, I'd get out now unless he is willing to seek treatment and compromise with you. There are lots of nice men who do like sex. Good luck!

[SensualPlayland]

Have you tried telling him that this is a problem? He may not even know that this could be causing his relationship to disappear. I would start there.

I doubt that it's medically related. I really think its the virgin thing. He's used to not having it and has only had it with you. Does he jack off? If he's jacking off, then he's got the drive...just doesn't want to have sex with you or is wanting sex w/ somebody else.

Try watching some porn together to excite the mood. Bring home another girl (or guy if he's into that) and mix it up a little bit. As far as the eating you out thing....maybe he just don't know how or doesn't like the smell/taste. Tell him how bad you want it...but in a nice way and at the right time. And make sure you're nice n clean inside and out. Stick a finger up there and make sure you feel and smell nice.

Do you think he may be gay? or he may be confused on the issue?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Does he know this is a problem? Well, she begs him for it, he promised it would get better, and now she's back to begging him for it - DUH! If he doesn't he SHOULD by now!

OP - it is OVER! Move along, move along - there's nothing worth salvaging here

The man could not care less about you and your desires since he has already gone back on his promise.