Distance/age relationship advice please

[anglital]

Hello all,
I hope I can get a little guidance with my question because it's a first for me.

I'm English (38yrs) and I started seeing an Italian girl (25) in July, here in Italy. I think she is wonderful and want the relationship to continue. I am working here but she is doing post-grad studies, currently on a six month placement in France.
For the first few weeks we saw each other 3/4 times a week and had great sex and talked a lot. We both went on separate summer holidays for 3 weeks and returned and met again for two weeks before she went to France. I visited her for a weekend 3 weeks ago and we had a great time.

When we first met she said that the age difference was not an issue for her and I want to believe her, but I can't stop myself thinking she told me what I wanted to hear at the beginning of a passionate period for us both. During her time in France we email chatted and/or spoke every day and as she is alone there I'm glad to give her emotional support etc. When she went to France she told me that I needn't worry about her faithfulness while there.

Also, I get the idea that she hasn't told her parents (but she has told her friends) and conclude that she doesn't want them to know she's dating and English guy of my age. (They are both retired and probably of a small town conservative/traditional outlook: i.e. a nice Italian boy of similar age is preferred...). Of course this could be completely wrong, but...?



As I write she has just returned to Italy for a few days holiday and I sill see her tomorrow or on Friday and at the right moment I think I'll ask her what she feels toward me. Is this wise? I'm not sure how to 'play' the situation to get a sincere answer.... Would it be unfair to ask her why she hasn't told her parents about us, for example? Should I work round to getting this out of her? Sometimes I feel that the (first) English boyfriend fad will wear off for her.
So, what is your take on this situation? Am I being naive? Should I be seeing something I'm not?
Constructive advice or opinions are welcome. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.

[dancingdoc2]

> I'm English (38yrs) and I started seeing an Italian girl (25) in July, here in Italy. I think she is wonderful and want the relationship to continue.... When we first met she said that the age difference was not an issue for her and I want to believe her, but I can't stop myself thinking she told me what I wanted to hear at the beginning of a passionate period for us both.

These are your own insecurities raising their ugly head. Trust her until you have evidence that the trust has been broken. Right now and for the next several years a thirteen year spread is not that big a deal; however, when you are seventy five and she is sixty two, there is likely to be a very large difference that will have to be considered.

> For the first few weeks we saw each other 3/4 times a week and had great sex and talked a lot. We both went on separate summer holidays for 3 weeks and returned and met again for two weeks before she went to France. I visited her for a weekend 3 weeks ago and we had a great time.

> During her time in France we email chatted and/or spoke every day and as she is alone there I'm glad to give her emotional support etc. When she went to France she told me that I needn't worry about her faithfulness while there.

From your description of events, things seem to be moving right along in a positive direction.

> As I write she has just returned to Italy for a few days holiday and I sill see her tomorrow or on Friday and at the right moment I think I'll ask her what she feels toward me. Is this wise?

Given what you have said and how, I would think this is a bad idea. Why? Because two aspects of a relationship operate on "Implied Consent". The relationship overall and the romantic (how far do I go) both function on this silent form of approval. You can conclude that all is well and that you can continue to move forward until she says or indicates something to the contrary.

> Also, I get the idea that she hasn't told her parents (but she has told her friends) and conclude that she doesn't want them to know she's dating and English guy of my age. (They are both retired and probably of a small town conservative/traditional outlook: i.e. a nice Italian boy of similar age is preferred...). Of course this could be completely wrong, but...?

Do not dwell on this until six months or so have past. Then you can ask if she has not informed them.

> Am I being naive? Should I be seeing something I'm not?
Constructive advice or opinions are welcome. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.

You are not naive, just lacking information on how to have a great relationship.

[anglital]

Thanks for the advice, dancingdoc. Your insight is appreciated.