I'm marrying soon, am I attracted enough?

[featheredcap]

Hello out there,
I am 41 and marrying very soon to the love of my life. She is wonderful in everyway. She is a beautiful person inside and out. However, have been influenced though by seeing lots of images on the cover of women's magazines, looking at a fair amount of various types of pornography, and so I find myself sometimes not as attracted to her as I would like to.
My fiancee is small breasted, A or AA cup I can't remember. She is very thin. I do believe that in general men are more focused on the visual attraction to a partner, but I know women like looks too. I have had limited sexual experiences, primarily due to heavy religious indoctrination. My parents were Christian missionaries, and I attended a very conservative Christian High School, which taught that sex was only acceptable in marriage.
At 23, I had waited long enough, and took the plunge into sex. Strangely, I had no guilt about it!
I digress. I'm just trying to give the whole picture of myself. I am a fairly attractive guy, I am physically fit, and stay active. I do feel that I am in some ways more physically attractive than she is, as vain as that may sound. I wish that she were a girl that I drooled over. We started as friends, I was not very attracted to her at first, but as we grew closer emotionally I found myself wanting to kiss her, etc. She is not as sexuallly repressed as me, she is more the hippy type.


During our dating, I have often felt unattracted visually to my now fiancee. But I have stayed with her because we have wonderful friendship, and common interests, and similar values, and good communication..... lots of good. I am sexually attracted to her, at least in between the sheets.

I worry that I will look for a fling outside our marriage. I had one very brief fling with a younger girl who basically threw herself on me, this was when we were dating, not engaged. I worry that I am not attracted enough to her.

I am marrying her, that is definite at this point.

I think I am very fortunate to have her as a lover. Can anyone relate to my concern?

[mars]

You say she's wonderful yet not attracted to her at times? Love is about accepting her as she is. Why did you propose then if it's looks that matter the most?

[featheredcap]

thanks for your response. I do value her person first. I was always taught that material things and looks don't matter ultimately, that its the insides that count. But I also am a very visual person. I am an artist in my free time. I guess I want everything, looks and inner qualities. Ultimately, I did choose to value her more than for looks, that's why I proposed, because I love her.
She is a dancer, so she may look good late into life!

[sera300]

Best I can tell you I have married two men. First was very attractive and had issues which made the marriage intolerable for me to remain. Second spouse; I found him attractive but not to the same degree...he did not bolt me over in his looks, I fell in love for his personal qualities and his pleasant look. As the marriage progressed his qualities for the many years made him most attractive to me, we divorced due to his infidelity & deceit after about 12 years. Many years later, I met another who was pleasant looking (not great) but had charm & charisma, he had good sense & logic, shared similar goals, values, but a slight difference in priorities. This one difference in priorities we could not compromise on since it would end up with one of us being very unhappy. There was no true resolution since just following your heart would ensue heartache. One of us would had to give up their life to meet the others wants/needs--meaning pack up and leave our individual life behind, there was no way to merge. He had to walk away from his career and position demands or I had to walk away from my entire life here to travel behind him--and I had to give up wanting children.

You have to examine her attractiveness to you as a person. There are gorgeous women out there who will be what you want on the exterior; however, when you begin down the path of trust, values, etc. they are empty. The initial physical attraction is great but fades when the personality comes to light and the same works in reverse the physical attraction deepens when you build a life together and time passes.

All in all you are in a dilemma...yes, you can call a wedding off or delay it. If you have any doubts you owe yourself and her additional time.

[Ducy]

hey hey hey....now ive heard many a men complain...they loved their girlfriend when they were thirty because they looked like they had watermelons in their shirt....now they complain cuz theyre old and their wives boobs smother them if shes on top since the sag so low....smaller women however got it good cuz they stay right where they are supposed to.

You can be sexually attracted to "unattractive women" I mean shes laid back with sex, so maybe she doesnt mind experimenting with positions, places, etc. So i mean if you find that one thing that she can do that makes you go then i gaurantee youll be attracted to her no matter what...but you did say it yourself...you love her as a person and most importantly that will make or break your marraige down the road...shes gorgeous but nothing like you or ok but you get along like two peas in a pod

[sera300]

Marriage is a commitment to the marital bond--the emotional tie. Would she love you less if you were disfigured due to say an accident? Would you love her less if it happened to her? The infidelity I spoke of was not the issue of sex with another woman; it was his deceptive, dishonest, and betrayal...he just covered his extracurricular activities without regard to me or my feelings. All he has to do was ask for a divorce & I would have signed & "freed" him.

I think you have to define what constitutes the marital bond in your relationship.

[featheredcap]

I'm new to this type forum, thanks for your responses, very funny about the watermelons, and the previous response insightful about looking at her person.
I am planning on going forward, we have dated 4 years, so I know her as well as one can at this point. My doubts are there, but I still want to take it to the next step. If I didn't have doubts, I would worry that I was in a fantasy!

Her uninhibitiveness is very attractive given my more uptight background.

[featheredcap]

I tried to put a figure drawing in as my profile picture, but its not loading....

[Ducy]

IMHO i find a persons "flaws" most attractive....my girlfriend I think is gorgeous. She does have a nice body...it isnt close to pornstar or anything. (big boobs, round behind, perfect skin) and I love it. Cuz she is flaw sexy...its her flaws that make her so sexy.

(She hates her scars, and would wear pants or would touch her face in an attempt to hide her scars. She got a long one on her cheek from something when she was little)

I think they make her so sexy, especially on her face. She knows it and it makes her confident. (actually wears short shorts and stuff) and this makes her even sexier since she is confident.

Basically you DONT need a sexy body to be attractive. If you look closely youll notice that some of the sexiest women have flaws and are still confident about it.

[HardNgood]

OP..ask yourself this question...is she your "best" friend?? if it's yes..then it's a no brainer...have fun together and remain best friends through you're marriage..