Am I sex obsessed or just a healthy Male

[Old but Lively]

I am in my 60's and married 40 years. We have sex about once every 10 days without any foreplay since my wife doesn't want any. I am in the best health for years and feel like sex most of the time. I masturbate 3 to 4 times a week in private. Since I feel sexy I do things that make me feel even sexier, like occasionally look at porn, buy videos (mainly instructional type ones), buy sex manuals, underwear for her and a vibrator which she has ignored and I have trimmed my pubic hair which she hasn't noticed.
I would like to openly masturbate in front of her, have her do the same and try the vibrator, watch the videos together and spend time on foreplay. I would also like to give & receive oral sex.
Should I feel guilty about the masturbation and/or porn? Any suggestions about how to talk about what I would like?

[Brandye]

It sounds like your wife has a very limited sexual reportoire. Like she just wants to lie there and let you get it over with. I would have difficulty criticizing any action you took under these circumstances.

A serious question is why she wants to be married. You two need a marriage counselor to sort this one out.

[tommy_tucker]

maybe the spark has gone? do you take her out to places? when you see her do you still think wow? maybe suprise her one weekend with a trip to some where she loves and stay over night. it could work in the short term.

[katiebug]

Maybe she needs a little more romance to get in the mood. Or maybe there is a physical/psychological reason behind it. I am assuming your wife is around the same age that you are, and I have heard from family members who have already gone through menopause that a lot of sexual desire and impulse is lost after that point. Perhaps this is something she should talk about with her doctor, if she has absolutely no libido at all. If it's a medical problem, there should be things she can do to get it back. If you think this is simply a psychological issue, I second Brandye's suggestion of marraige counseling.

[Old but Lively]

Thanks for the first 3 comments. To add to my information: we have a very good life together and do lots of things together and there is a lot of affection between us. She still,"lights up my life". She doesn't have desire for sex, but after a couple of minutes of "the act", just melts and everything is OK. She is quite inhibited and traditional and doesn't think sex is to be talked about, even with our doctor. As a result, I am inhibited about admitting to my masturbation and stuff I would like to do. I don't think that she would go to counselling. Any further comments? Should I confess to having the videos and try to get her to watch them?

[SweetJamieLee]

There is nothing wrong with you. I am not an expert on bringing women out of inhibitions, only I have thought of it. I have a close friend who is that way, and I have personally thought that maybe if her partner spent excessive time adoring, caressing, kissing, slowly opening her up that she might be able to go there. For some women, the past does not allow for easy sexual liberation.

[Old but Lively]

Thanks for your comments JamieLee. You have no problems with anything, even the porn? I am hung up over my masturbation, probably because my school headmaster used to lecture us on the evils of it in th 50's! I am trying to get over that so I can be open about it with my partner instead of "sneaking around" to do it.

[EvilEvilKitten]

May I suggest that you just relax.
Look at it from her perspective: she's traditional which mean that she has been taught to deny herself. You two have accepted this for 40 years. She's going to wonder if you make major changes.

So do this instead, at the pooint at which she "melts" begin incorporating foreplay into the mix of what you're doing. Slow it all down and give her time to adjust and enjoy it. Just a little to start with and gradually increase the amount of foreplay you add.

Remember:

"softly, softly catchee monkey"

[browneyedgirl]

I agree that there is nothing wrong with you, all is totally normal. Of course, a lot has changed in social ideals since the 1950's when your headmaster made you feel guilty. Remember that that headmaster probably felt that pornography was evil because it was a temptation - for him as much as for you. Personally, I don't really find porn to be much of a turn on, but I don't think there is anything wrong with it so long as all participating are consenting adults. Masturbating is totally normal, too. Plus, it's good for you! It's a form of exercise, it releases tension and stress, it releases endorphins and makes you happy.

If your wife is going to change, she has to want to change. It sounds like she had a strict upbringing and holds to harsh moral codes. If she thinks sex is wrong, you can try to tell her that you think sex is beautiful and you love the intimacy that it creates. Maybe playing up sex in a different light would make her think about it in a new way. If she doesn't like sex and won't talk about it, only she can really change that. You can try to do things to make sex better for her, which may help. Use lube, if you don't already. Try initiating some foreplay and see what she does. Kiss her neck, caress her breasts, even try initiating oral sex. If she objects, don't press her, but explain why you want to try more of these things. And remember to kiss her and hug her whenever you can in daily life. Tell her how beautiful she is or how nice a new dress looks on her. Good luck!