hate having sex w/wife.

[sheismyoasis]

I hate having sex with my wife. I've been married 5yrs and it has never improved. We waited til our first night of our honeymoon so I never tried it before we got married. To be honest, it was a good move because my wife has other great qualities that I saw in her before we became intimate. These qualities are what is keeping me in this marriage. But man...I am struggling with not being sexually satisfied. I don't feel loved. I have talked to her about it, and really nothing changed.
Last night we had sex and it was the worst. I felt force doing it. I often force myself to cum quickly to finish fast. She could care less. I finally started getting it to it and she starts laughing. She laughs in the middle of sex, she saids she can't help it because she is having fun. She does it all the time. she is not into anything...no oral, no petting/fingering, bodyworship. She doesn't even move around or moan while having sex. Even after sex or before no cuddling too. Our sex life is her being still while i am on top or bottom. Seriously, i have given up. Are they any committed married people out there that can offer me some words of insight or encouragement. I am 29, she is 27. No kids, Both work full time. Does this change or should I gear up for the long haul

[Ducy]

First off...Communication is key....you said you talked to her and nothing changed aske her why she is like this...dont be confrontational, just matter of factly.

Now...what I am sure many of the replies to this post will be is to get out of the marriage, since your sex life is down the drain and you can live without sex. Now you say she laughs in the middle of sex, and she said she cant because she is having fun? What is it? like full blown laughter or like little giggles? Me and my girlfriend will laugh and stuff simply because were comfortable enough with each other and ourselves to laugh at silly things, falling of the bed or falling over when trying a standing position. But if its for no reason than her mind most likely is into it.

Were you both virgins? or you guys just waited to get married before having sex with one another? One problem that many people find with marrying virgins is that they have spent their entire life saying no, so its no problemo to keep saying no.

There are so many things that could be causing this. Deep seated issues that are causing her to be like this...She could just be very naive and afraid to explore her sexualtiy. Or it could just be that she is not sexually attracted to you...no offense or anything, but it could be the case. Im sure that you could try to see a sex therapist, perhaps that could help with it all, but then again it may not.

[sera300]

Two choices; therapy for her & sex counseling or a divorce (or open marriage). Think of it this way, it's been five years...another 15 like this? You will be out chasing skirts and in the end resent her. Thus, the marriage will not succeed. Communication!

[Ephemera]

Damn, dude, you gotta get out of that.

I couldn't even be in a relationship, much less marriage, without a healthy sex life.

Sera's idea for counseling is a good idea.

[machine_rat]

Not to say that either of you two were over the hill by any means by the time you were married (sounds like you were 24 and she was 22), but the longer someone goes without popping that cherry, often the less enthusiastic about sex someone can become.

Take me for example; I didn't even go out on a single date until I was halfway through my senior year in high school. All those [frustrated] years got me to a point to where I had grown accostomed to not having sex. Subsequently, having sex, though I enjoy, is still kind of a thing I could do without if I had to.

It sounds as if your wife may be a statistical average. That is, it isn't until many women reach their thirties that they can truly feel comfortable with themselves during sex. That it can take years to unlearn all the social stigmas that 'girls are supposed to be prim, proper, and not slutty'.

Sorry if I don't have much advice aside from waiting for things to improve (riding out the storm)

All I can say is that, wait for her to be in the mood (assuming she ever is). Even if you don't feel like it, do it for her. This way it'll allow her to associate sex with pleasure... and not just a wifely duty.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You two need to get sex therapy/counseling. I doubt that your wife has ever had an orgasm in her life. No pets, caresses; nothing?!?! Very bad sign - she most likely does not masturbate either.

Sorry, but as time goes on, you will value those fine qualities less and less - not feeling loved will erode them if you do not stand up on your hind legs and get both her and you into counseling. She has really got to understand WTH is going on.

While waiting for the appointent to come around try this: Think of getting her to orgasm as a challenge (because if she has one, she'll want another). Rather than finishing fast - take the head of your penis and caress her G-Spot until she orgasms then immediately move to caressing her posterior fornix until she orgasms and go back and forth between the two (use lube if you have to) until she has had 10 orgasms in a row add in clitoral stimulation with a lubed hand is needed. The goal is to give her 10 orgasms no matterwhat she says or does - she WILL have them. Grrrr Snarl Snarl - go all tiger-ish on her. STAND AND DELIVER WOMAN! Got the idea?

You have to break through the "No" that is in her head.

[Brandye]

Sex issues often indicate deeper issues in the relationship. By all means, the two of you get into counselling immediately. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. Do you want forty years of dreading sex?

[Sweet Love]

I think a lot of women who never have had a sexually pleasing experience (Big O's)...need some sort of comfort and a little tender care..I agree with the other posts about getting her to orgasm..I had the same problem when I was younger and getting experience..just letting go and enjoying what is happening to my body, to be sensitive to touch, to let the different senses around me, arouse me. To concentrate on my pleasure zones, to love my body and to appreciate the experience with my lover as a once in a lifetime experience.

Your wife needs to be soothingly caressed, and completely relaxed. You should just set a romantic scene in your bedroom, engage her senses, with candles, roses...get a soft velvetly blanket..if she's not for it at first, blind fold her with a satin scarf...get her completely naked and have her lay on the bed..put the velvet blanket on her and go under the blanket and work on trying to get an orgasm thru clitoral stimulation, make her really wet, as wet as you can get it, make her body pulse for you.

I think by being her husband you have to show her what pleasure is all about. There are things she's never experienced before. Show them to her.

[redgold18]

I can't really offer much except support and hope that you guys can work things out...everyone has pretty much said what I would suggest.
I can't relate to your wife, because though I was a virgin on my wedding night, I LOVE sex and wouldn't dream of living without it now that I have it. However, I think maybe she might feel silly during sex, the whole "proper girl" thing someone else mentioned. That seems to make the most sense to me...either that or there's some past abuse throwing a wrench in things for her. Or, it could be she's just not very sexual and needs to be coaxed and romanced at first...then once she has been shown how amazing it can be, she'll come around. Pun intended:-) Good luck - don't give up!

[gorgeous_mistake]

Don't you think this should be a sticky of some sort? Explaining how sex before marriage could be beneficial in the long run. Or maybe not, could offend many people. Well atleast this post will put it with the recent threads for others to read. I think it is very important.