Online relationship & marriage - Need Help Fast!!

[sugarbuns]

This coming December will be my 12 year wedding anniv. But I don't know if our relationship will make it till then. I love my husband very much but I'm beginning to wonder if he's the right man for me. About two years ago I met a young guy playing on-line video games, we've been in contact ever sense. Last summer I took a few days off from work, and told a few white lies to the husband in order to go see him. After that we stopped talking, we both thought it would be for the best, he had a girlfriend at the time and I was married. But just a few months ago, out of the blue he texts me and we started talking again. This past week we started sending pictures back and forth, the ones that I know for sure would end my marriage. It's getting to the point that I wont let my husband touch me or kiss me and sex, well, it's few far and inbetween. I look forward to getting texts and emails from this young man more then I do seeing my husband when I get home from work. I don't know what to do. I know if I come clean I'll lose my husband, but I feel like I'm not being fair to either of them. If anyone has gone through something like this I would really love to hear from you, before something blows up in my face.

[sera300]

Stop the relationship with this guy; he was a fling since there is no true foundation as you have built with hubby. You are enjoying his attention and the thrill. End of story. You met a guy on-line playing a game? And wonder if he is right for you? Red flag.

Unless you plan to leave hubby no need to disclose this info since it's so damaging without a purpose other then to rid the conscience.

Look for the underlying issue in your marriage and attempt to correct it. You will never give your spouse the attention deserved while having the other in your life. If you need seek counseling for yourself!

[Ducy]

I agree with sera...i believe you see this guy as more of a "fun time" than an actual relationship. You have been married for almost 12 years now, and its probably a sort of mid marriage crisis. You feel a bit bored so to speak, and this new guy acts as a sort of new plot twist.

Its not a matter of you being unfair to both its you being unfair to your husband...you even lied so you can see this other guy, and the fact that you wont let your husband touch you is a clear sign you need to stop with the deceit and take this other guy out of the picture....ASAP.

Talk to your husband, try to bring back the old "spark" between you two. Thats what this other guy is to you, the spark that you have most likely forgetten that exists in your marriage...in time it will return...but you have to work towards it and remember that your love will help you through it.

[sera300]

I remember being married for so many years; I could have walked out of the house nude and I wonder if he would realize this for many reasons (schedules, stress, too much happening in his life, etc).

Often, we look for the one who pays attention and notices us. This should be a compliment not a prelude to an affair. The only one you owe "fairness" to is your husband. Either cut it off and return to your marriage getting it back on track or file for a divorce and walk.

[Brandye]

The only one you owe fairness to is yourself. Then you must be fair and above board in ending the relationship you choose to end. I do not know which is good and which is bad. Only you can decide that but your post makes it abvious that, either way, you are going to need some help getting over the other one.

[dancingdoc2]

It perplexes me why human nature causes men and women to run off into the arms of another rather than placing that same time and zeal into working on their present relationship in which they have so much invested. I can understand if it is obviously beyond repair, yet often times ya just don't know unless and until the attempt is made.

[NizeGie]

I'm more with Brandye in that, to someone from the outside, it's not immediately obvious which choice is the best.

In considering things, force yourself to be utterly and depressingly realistic and practical. Consider exactly what course(s) events are most likely (or reasonably likely) to take, and try to form in your mind a detailed picture of what your life would or might be like for each choice: down to what you would be doing each day. Of course, that's easier for the "stay with the husband" choice -- but I think you need to throw a very cold, unflattering light on the other choice too, before making any decision.

Then: throw yourself into whichever choice you make.

[aussiegal]

I too are experiencing a similiar problem at the moment and wouldnt mind some friendly advice. I have been with my man now for 10yrs and very committed to him, But after the loss of my twin boys through misscarriage in may than the death of my grandmother whom i was very close with in august i have not been exactly myself lately. I met someone online who i thought that i wouldnt mind having some no strings attached fun with but found myself falling for him more and more. however i told i small lie to to this man so he would continue talking to me. I have recently sort of come clean and knew that when i did this would stop this thing we had going. My problem is im now very upset that we no longer have that relationship. i no its the best thing for my mans and mine relationship but im not sure i want to continue with us now as i have never had feeling for another person in the 10 yrs except for now. im confused. any advice would be good. thanks

[sera300]

Aussie:

I believe you are not married to your man. This in all the world makes the difference to me. If married you uphold a commitment, if not then all is fair. The marriage is what made me respond to the OP---you have to be true to the spouse...if not happy walk and then do as you wish. If you are not married, your life is your own, but I would express to him you want to see others....

[aussiegal]

ok i may not be married but have always been committed 100% to my man, we have been through so much stuff, some which i dont want to share but at the same time is what would stop me from marrying him.
I'm not saying i want to see other people, he knows i was online flirting and just mucking around and didnt mind as it was nothing serious, we dont have any serecrts except for this one big thing.
i would never sleep with another while with him and would leave before that ever happened. i dont want to walk out unless its unable to be saved but im confused.
i think that everything that has happened last few monts has alot to do with the way im feeling and behaving right now.
thanks for your help though.