Relationship slip & death of sexlife - What to do?

[lil_one_87]

I've been in a loving relationship for the past 4 years. I really do love the guy I am with. Our relationship seems really strong, I thought it would last forever. It's just these last few weeks... months even I've been getting the feeling things aren't going so well.
On one hand I couldn't ask for a nicer guy. He's so caring and kind. He's always there for me and shows me so much love.
However, recently it's felt like things are starting to slip in relation to our relationship. We just don't seem to have that spark anymore. The time we get to spend together always seems to end with us not speaking or feeling awkward. And the sex life... well... seems to have died a terrible death. This could just be a phase but I get the feeling that when we do get some proper time alone together it will result in either another moaning session or a great sense of disappointment/ dissatisfaction on my part because despite the 4 year relationship the performance in the bedroom hasn't really been upto much (i.e. doesn't last very long, not sexual more awkward really... doesn't really happen at all tbh). I find myself thinking about all these sexual things I would love to get up to but know that they won't happen.

Although I feel awful questioning my relationship just because the sex isn't that good... I just can't seem to gain any perspective... all these thoughts are sooo confusing!

[sera300]

It sounds as if you need to sit down and try to talk out the relationship issue and then the sexual part with him. Do such in a non-confrontational way. Communication is key. Many times we over look issues b/c of being in love and later find the main issues surface. Perhaps you need to take a break from each other for a bit. One part is lack of satisfaction in the relationship & the other is lack of satisfaction sexually. Both can be repaired if both parties wish for it to be.

[EvilEvilKitten]

It might be him. It just may be YOU. And it may be that after 4 years he's wondering what is the next step. Where do we go from here? - that question might very well be in his mind. It is in yours. This requires sitting down with him and asking him that question after you have considered your answer to the same question.

Sexual performance will only improve if you, the female, actively engage in education and experimentation. Does he like it when you slowly, very slowly lick up his spine with just the tip of your tongue and then plant a heavy and slightly moist kiss to the nape of his neck? If you do not know, then you have work to do, honey.

1. a book on massage - and practice it on him
2. an anatomy book - study how the nerves run and then practice how to stimulate them in an erotic fashion as described above.
3. go here and read - www.wickedwomangroup.us and practice those moves on him

You are only confused because you're stalled in the right hand lane and the engine's flooded. Time to "step-up" or "step-off".

[lil_one_87]

Thanks for the replies.
I know this is probably mostly my fault. I need to do something to sort it out. Its just, I don't know whether I want to... I know he's the best person for me but I can't help feeling that I want something else... yet I don't know whether its just a phase and if I should stick at the relationship.

I just don't want to make a big mistake.

I tried speaking to him about things last night, but as I'm still confused about what I want I find it hard to put it into words. I don't want to confront him in a way that would make him feel bad or feel like we are over.

I think I just need to give it some time.

[dancingdoc2]

Please see my reply to your other post.

It may be that he is restless and wanting to learn more of the world and his place in it. One of the ways of doing this is to date other people as explained. People change quite a bit during their teen years, more so than when they become much older. What we find to our liking at 16 may not be what we want at 17, 18, or, 19. and so it goes at each of these other ages, also.

Please realize that the teen years are a decade long. Having gone through puberty does not mean that we are magically mature or have stopped developing having made the transition from child to adult. The process continues on and ends at around 21 when the brain finishes developing. What continues to change and evolve are the body structure, and the mind. Maturity, is also emotional and psychological as we learn about the world around us, place it and us into perspective, and so on and on.

[sheismyoasis]

I am in the same prob, except it the other way around. Can you read my post and maybe give me some insight from a womens point of view?

[machine_rat]

Is the sex all the same because it has always been the same?

What I mean is have you appeared content will the same-old-same-old all these years, but secretly wanted more and were too [for lack of a better word] bashful to speak up. Now that the inertia has gone on for so long it has grown increasingly more difficult to change the old ways.

Does he perhaps not see sex as that important or exciting, like a more animalistic approach? Weird as it seems, some guys out there aren't so 'turned on' by sex, and simply do it just for their wive's or GF's sake.

One last shot in the dark; have you two been seriously discussing having kids? That can be a mojor turn-off if the guy isn't ready.