She allows sex, but no intimacy - HELP me

[nickybohy20]

me and my girl have been together for about 2 years now and i have a problem with affection l well i dont but when we make love forplay is almost always out of the question , any kind of kissing or huging or pettying is also always out of the question, she always wants me to dive right into sex(intercourse) and even around the house every time i try to get the mood going i get shut down she dosnt like being touched i dont understand what im doing wrong and this is serriously hindered the possibility of having an affectionate relationship, and im on the verge of ending it, i DO love her but i dont know how much more i can take , it always seems like she will only make love to satisfy me and its more uncomfortable every time , pleaase help me i dont know what to do.

[dancingdoc2]

This matter has come up a couple of times in the past. Unless there is something fundamentally wrong with how you interact with her then I have to say that this is her problem. Because she does not like to be touched, kissed, or caressed it sounds like she may very well have some deep seated issues from her past that she has not dealt with.

I suggest that she see a therapist. It may be that she was abused as a child or had parents that were not very demonstrative and/or loving and she is modeling this. If she refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem with intimacy and that her behavior is far from the norm, then I believe you should consider this a deal breaker. You can love her yet not want to be in a relationship, meaning that even though you may like someone as a friend, there are certain characteristics or behaviors that make having more involvement with him/her impossible. A few of my friendships are categorized or compartmentalized this way.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I completely agree with Dancin' Doc on this. The lady has unresolved issues that need professional help. Lack of intimacy and a 'get it over quickly' attitude toward sex are DEFINITE deal-breakers. Just imagine what it would be like after 30 years of it!

I'd let her go.

[nickybohy20]

ok i actually went to the extent of leting her read the responses in reply to my first post and it made ALL THE DIFFERANCE. why i do not know but last night we had AMAZING sex like i dont think its ever been that good between us but in reply to that she was never abused or anything like that, so this is not the issue, although after i let her read my post and your responses it seemed to help out a big Deal, she Dose aknoladge that we DO have an intamacy problem and she IS willing to work on it with me, so leaving her is compleatly out of the question. as for more details around her bed time at like 9:00pm (she had work the next day at 6 am, this is ussaly an obstacle in our love life, although last night was not the case) and this was after about spending about a 4 hour day at the fair, and she already worked the same day, so by all means she should have been "too tired for sex" but this was also not the case, upon making our way to the bedroom i WAS expecting the same usuall bedroom routine(quicke, the kind where i just dive right in =(, that ussaly invovles "are u done yet ," or "hurry up" BUT when we went into the bedroom man was i Supprised, i went to go down on her like i ussaly do(i ussally do this so she is wet enough and she ussaly dislikes reciving oral sex, although i love to give it and just when i was ready to come up to start the usuall routine she softly said "make love to me , i wanna make the change" by this i think she was refering to the "orgasmic, Pre-orgasmic female post wich i also had her read a few days earlyer, because we thought maby because im 22 and shes only 19 that my sexlife is older than hers by a few years , possibly the cause of the frustration,??!? but anyways when i started to give her more oral she got REALLY INTO IT, and i mean REALLY , not like she normally would do , she even proceeded into the 69 position wich i have tryed to get her to do in the past and she never had liked it b4, but this time SHE WAS REALLY into it enjoing every bit of it i even had to let her know not to suck so hard! then we swiched back to her on her back position with me going down on her(no penatration untill now) in wich case i used my toung and my 2 fingers(this was HER SUGGESTION, i couldnt belive what i was hearing !!) and we conintued for about another 10 mins of this untill she CAME.. i was so amazed and proud of her, i havent been able to make her come for almost a year now, and she did this time i was sure of it( there was a lot of moaning until, i could tell she came because her body gave an incredable shudder ( a shiver??) and her whole body began to tremble and she couldnt make out any real words just more like sounds, LOUD SOUNDS and then we had intercourse wich im pretty sure she was on the verge of cumming a 2nd time when i Came and had mine. she said she couldnt feel her legs and she felt tingly ,( i can berly walk sometimes after sex so i know that she was telling the truth, also she promised she would never fake on me because she said that she dosnt like to mislead or decive me by any means.) GUYs it WAS SO GOOD!!!!!!,,,,,,,,,but now i need to know WHY it was so i can have this happen again , and again, so it only gets better from this point out,

this day there were a few ( hate to sound like a Lab Geek but) Factors involved that could have been the reason?
we Had a date at the fair and she went on some of the more thrilling rides maby giving her an adrenaline rush or somthing, i read some where that it somehow affects sexdrive but not sure if there is truth to it
(not me , HIEGHTS EWWW)
I Had Also shown her this post and your replys...
And the 3rd thing was we had both smoked a joint about a 1/2 hour b4 we made love( she ussaly DOSENT smoke but this was rather good weed and i insisted if she ever wanted to smoke any with me do it when its good weed,)
so ?? could any of these been the reason for her sudden incresed sexdrive that compleatly wore me out or a combination of the 3 however after last night theres no way im leaving here as i feel so reassurance that theres hope for our love life, I ( WE) need to learn more about this and how i can help her bring out orgasms in the future , she dose admit that we dont get intamate that often (like forplay and making out alot )but she reassures me that its nothing im doing wrong although we didnt spend to much time on making out or intamacy it was still just enough to do the trick, dont get me wrong its not like she will refuse to kiss or hug me she just kinda gets restlest when she gets horny and wants dick instantly (while i would still like to be making out) maby she has not yet learned how to controll this emotion yet ? her being only 19 ?? i would much appreceate your input. thanks much

[sera300]

Okay, what I find in younger men is the importance of a "date" either they want to hang out with a lady or after dating her they forget the value of dates and romance. Older guys are better trained but tend to slip up too often too but many do well since they had much practice at romance!

She had a good time because of going out to the fair and doing fun things to her...not the adrenaline rush, nor the weed.

Good dates, deepen the emotional bond, light the fire, and in return result with awesome sex!!!!

[nickybohy20]

thanks for this =) i would still like some more input although i aprreceate your response i kinda had a feeling it may have been because we dont get out much

[EvilEvilKitten]

Both you and she should read the post about Body Worship.
Both you and she need to forget the weed. Cigarettes are in fact less harmful.
The date aspect does help but:

what really kicked her over was the COMMUNICATION.

It was her reading both your question and our replies that made the real difference. Continue to communicate effectively along the lines of "When you do this I feel that." As your relationship continues - remember to pay attention to the "little things". This is another form of communication in that it shows your regard for your partner.

[nickybohy20]

i really appreceaite this this information has been quite usefull, any other takers?? would appreceait(spelling)

[sera300]

Okay...a small one; please download a tool bar for spell checking! Yahoo has one.