Win her back.

[Raidenator]

It's me again. I tried searching for it and was eventually referred to, "How to win her back". But it seems that thread isn't up anymore.

So here's the situation, in my previous posts I talked about how my ex and I have broken up and it's creeping on to about 2 months now. I still feel very strongly about her, I don't think much has changed other than I'm not depressed about it.

She has been dating another guy for about a month of these 2 months that we've been broken up. This guy is an ex male stripper who works with her now and he's a hottie, to put it bluntly. A friend of hers doesn't believe in any potential in their relationship.

As for us personally? We still talk on occasion. A text here and there and things are civil. I recently went to visit her after she had her tonsils taken out. When I got there I "played the game" so to speak. I sat across the room from her and every once in a while would just sit and 'stare' into her eyes. She would smile at me, not a fake smile, and I would look away.

I asked her how things were going between her and him, and this is almost verbatim our conversation.

*Me* - "How are things going with you two?" *Her* "Good". "Are you happy?". "Yeah..". A little later in the convo, "So did you find out what you wanted then?" (Her) "No, I don't think so. I guess me and him are technically together but we're not 'together'. I don't I guess we are but not really."

Ok. So she may not consider them to be in a real relationship, is that good news for me? Or am I reading into it too much?

Well, a little later down the line I got up to leave because he was coming. I told her that I didn't wanna cause any problems (in a cheerful way) so that I would leave, and come back to visit her on that friday. As I hugged her I pulled away and she sort of just held onto my hand for a few seconds. Good?

Oh, and this is the first time I've seen her since our break up for the most part. I'm to see her again tomorrow, which is the friday.

Any advice about how she might be feeling would be nice.

What I'm thinking is maybe she's looking at him for the fun and hot body type stuff. For me she might be looking for love. Maybe she's having something of a conflict with it?

Any tips for winning her back would be wonderful. I watch the movies and see guys do these crazy things to win their women back but that's not the way the real world works. Somebody help me win her back.

Thanks, sorry for the long read.

[Tallman]

Sadly as much as you may want it you're best off moving on. If she wanted you back then she would be back with you, being her friend will only prolong the process, as much as you may not want to lose a friend you need to consider it.

[oedipussy]

You're still on this? I remember giving you plenty of advice not too long ago. Daydreaming about getting back together is all well and good, but are you actually willing to STEP UP TO THE PLATE and make it happen? Doesn't sound like it...

You're in no position to be "playing the game". She dumped YOU. What cards do you think you're holding here exactly? Because the fact is that you don't have any cards; she's got the whole damn deck. Screw this sitting across the room, staring into her eyes, and then looking away crap. Next time you see her, don't even bother saying hello - just grab her and kiss her. Then tell her exactly how you feel and what you want. You're a man now, it's time to start acting like one. How hard is this girl gonna have to beat it into your head before you get it? She's leaving the door wide open for you. Quit blowing it.

Texting? That's what you consider contact? She may as well be talking to a toaster oven. Pack your bags and move your ass to wherever it is that she lives. You live an hour away from her - what kind of relationship do you think you can have with that roadblock in your way? No girl wants a "only on the weekends" boyfriend. If you can't be there physically for her whenever she needs you, forget it... You're done.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but get with the program already. This ain't high school anymore, buddy. The time for dancing around this thing is over.

[sera300]

Walk away, stop asking her if she found what she wanted...of course not she has a boy toy. And she did not want to stay with you.

You sound like a puppy dog needing a home...move on fast! To something non-dating!!!

[Raidenator]

Believe me oedipussy, I'm giving it my all at the moment. Like I said, this isn't like this movies. If you pull crap like that, women get freaked out. I'd love to stand outside her apartment with a boombox above my head if it would win her back, but it won't. Unfortunately subtlety is the only way I can do anything.

Also, the one hour distance isn't really a problem anymore. I have plenty of money to go there whenever I want, not to mention I recently bought a motorcycle so it costs me just a few dollars to get up there. An hour isn't that long of a way to see someone, though it may help if I were to move there. But if she ends up completely blowing me off, that wouldn't have been the best idea.

To those couple of you who have said that I need to move on, with all due respect, I wrote this for tips on how to win her back. Not how to move on with my life. Believe me, if it was that easy, I would.

[EvilEvilKitten]

We never said that moving on was easy.

But frankly, yeah, you need to make a choice between being her lapdog and being your own man here.

As long as you chase her, she'll continue to play her little games. You're letting her get away with using you, toying with you, stringing you along to feed her ego. So she found out that the hunk isn't all that. BFD. You weren't either or she'd have grabbed onto you and not let go.

Get out there and find the woman who WILL grab onto you and not let go - in a good way this time!

Oedi dear that method of yours only works with women who do truly love you. Otherwise she'll scream assault so be careful with that.

[sera300]

There is no winning someone back, especially if you plan on staying yourself rather then being someone different. As Evil points out women hold on to what we want & never let it go...So tips to win her back? She will just think you are a fruitcake or obsessed, running father away.

[NizeGie]

Just a note of unnecessary agreement:

Move on!

- There's about a 99.44% chance you are reading way too much into little things. That's what people in your position do. They read little "signs" to say what they want to believe. On the other hand, that's not what people in her position do in the unlikely event they want someone back: they don't send subtle little "signs," they say, "I want you back." She hasn't. She doesn't.

- As you yourself say, "This isn't like the movies." People like romantic comedies because they show things the way people wish they were and how they really are not. You can't will someone into wanting you. You also can't single-handedly fight off dozens of armed thugs or bring arch-villains to their knees with your spidey-sense. But that's beside the point.

[oedipussy]

I didn't say anything about boomboxes - I don't think there's a girl alive that would fall for that schlock. I don't see having a strong will and going after what you want as something that's only reserved for the movies. It's life - you've gotta grab the bull by the horns and go for it. I'm not telling you to do anything that I wouldn't do/haven't done myself. Personally, I like being forward about things.

OK, so right now you're both playing the subtle game here. One of you is eventually going to need to take charge if this is ever going to go anywhere, and I doubt it'll be her. The way I see it from what you posted, she's basically waving you in - all you have to do is make the move. Hell, I don't see what you have to lose. What's she gonna do, break up with you again? At the very least you'll get the answer you're looking for...

Well, my methods have worked quite well for me in the past - guess those girls truly did love me then? Nice to know... Though I have been bitchslapped quite a few times in my day. So I suppose it evens out.

[xkatex]

I have to agree mostly with oedipussy. What have you got to loose? Coming from a girls point of view she may be wondering and second guessing you intentions. She doesnt want to screw up what she has with this other guy by giving you a second chance and having that go down the river. Honestly, at this point, suck it up and tell her straight forward and to the point "Im here you want me come and get me, if not then ill see you later" If you dont put pressure on her to make the choice she will keep playing games with your mind.

She'll keep her new boyfriend around, knowing that even though she has him you still come around. Shes in a win-win situation. Make the odds more to your favor. Make it clear to her that you are no lap dog and that your not going to come with every call she makes. Personally I know exactly what she is doing and, as much as I hate to say this especially since i am a girl, you have to even the odds a bit more. Take away her win-win situation and place her on the edge. DO NOT LET HER BE THE BOSS OF YOU. You will not get anywhere with that. basically dont come to her every call. Infact, it might be in your best interest to "let it slip" that your seeing someone else. Take away her power of having both the guys and let her know your not going to play games any more.