Should I date other people

[killy]

I'm 19 years old, in college, and have been dating the same guy for 5 years now. We've had our few small break ups, and although he has had some other sexual experiences, I have not. I enjoy the relationship and really care for the guy, but I also wonder if I should have other experiences. I sometimes wonder whether you can really know if someone is right if you haven't experienced anyone else in a emotional as well as sexual setting. Advice?

[oedipussy]

You got it right on. I'd discuss it with him first, but if you've been with him since you were 14, it doesn't really matter how he feels about it - you need to have a life with experiences beyond him. This is the time in your life to do new things, make some mistakes and figure out who you really are. I'd say that carrying a relationship that started in middle school with you for the rest of your life is probably going to stunt your growth and hurt you in the long run. You're not 14 anymore - you've most likely changed a lot since then, or at least you should have. If you two are meant to be together, it'll work out in the end...

[dancingdoc2]

I wish to recommend that you do an Advanced Search using my name and the search string: humanity has to offer.

This will bring up lots of threads on the subject. All have a common theme, yet each is somewhat different in what is discussed, so, please read six or eight of them at least. You can read the replies others have contributed, however, please read my replies.

The advice, above, is absolutely right on.

[sera300]

I have to say; YES, YES, YES. Date others and date many see what life can offer you & what you need in another person! Throuout life, at different stages, we need different traits in our partners; it's not just limited to college years.

[bruins76]

ITA w/ the above comment. You're young once, and you have so much ahead of you. You aren't married or w/ kids, once you are, things are not as open as you'd like them to be. With that said, enjoy your years but make sure you are honest w/ your guy & let him know your intentions. That way all is on the table & no feelings are hurt. If you two are meant to be, it will happen, even if you take time off for a while.

GL

[EvilEvilKitten]

Date. Date. Date.

Did he "check in" with you when he had these other adventures of his? I thought not. It is your choice to discuss this with him - based upon a "how would I feel if he did this to me" basis. This is YOUR time to explore, to investigate, to gain some experience and have FUN with it. Sow those wild oats!!!

Date. Date. Date.

[lil_one_87]

I'm kind of in the same situation (see post "what to do?"). I've been with my boyfriend for 4-5 years now, since hish school. But I just can't see whether I'd be making a big mistake by ending the relationship just because I want to see what it would be like with other men. I mean I've only ever had any sexual experiences with the guy I'm with but wouldn't I just be throwing away something that could be great due to my curiosity?

[dancingdoc2]

> I just can't see whether I'd be making a big mistake by ending the relationship just because I want to see what it would be like with other men.

It is not that it would be a big mistake; rather, that by dating other people we learn about what humanity has to offer by observing others having a variety of characters, ideals, quirks, goals, religious values, moral values, likes, dislikes, etc. By dating lots of people we are better able to know when Mr. or Ms. Right enters our life. By starting and stopping the dating process with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us, we severely limit our options and our "worldly knowledge".

By beginning and ending the dating process as a young teen, you may unknowingly remain stuck in a relationship with someone who was suited to you a year or two ago, yet as you continue to mature and evolve by learning more of the world and your place in it, may not be the person you would settle down with a few years later--thus one reason for early divorces or unhappy marriages or abusive marriages.

[EvilEvilKitten]

It is not mandatory that you end any ongoing relationships. That depends upon the persons involved. Discussion might be wise or it might not - again that depends upon the persons involved. Just expand your social circle, gradually seeing other people in other venues and doing other things. Please be aware that 'dating' does not mean 'having sexual relations with' - that is up to you and your prospective partner(s).

It is almost axiomatic that the bf/gf you had during high school will NOT be the one you actually marry. One goes away to college and grows further. When one returns, well, you find that your view has changed and the disre has left.

You at this point have one view. I and others counseling in here, have seen the other side - those after having divorced, had the kids, and now - they're wondering what they have missed. When we counsel you to get out there and date - we are trying to prevent you from the melancoly introspection that occurs when one hits 50.

[Yariome]

Exactly, i've been with quite a few women, and my girlfriend only with me. She always wish she had more in life because she absolutetly loved it when she was single and had a lot of guys chasing after her, so I gave her a month to herself to decide what she wanted, I didn't want any sooner because then she couldn't really know if she wanted to spend her life with me. Yeah it sucked HARDCORE, she had oral sex with another guy. She absolutly hated it because she couldn't stop thinking about me. But you will never know if someone is truely right for you until you've gone fishing.