Sad Husband?

[JenniLover]

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[Brandye]

Well, he lost a g/f, living in an undesireable place with a pregnant wife. He is overwhelmed and needs help. Encourage him to get some counselling. Maybe you too, at this point.

[sera300]

Any chance you are having twins? Perhaps the sudden marriage sudden pregnancy, sudden need to get a new home, and just personal issues (takes time for men to adjust to marriage & the responsibility) are getting to him?

I would not say it's necessarily his ex, probably feels very overwhelmed..from a single man to a full life. Get him to a counselor & join him when appropriate.

[oedipussy]

Originally Posted by JenniLover

Ok, so I'm new on this forum and I've got a couple of problems. My current situation - I'm 25, newly married, and about 3 months pregnant. I have a job and a car, and I work at the same place my husband does. We live in a small one-bedroom apartment in a bad neighborhood. My husband and I were best friends late in high school and through college, but until a year ago we didn't start dating.

I'll just say that this all seems very familiar and leave it at that.

[eminatic]

Originally Posted by oedipussy

Hmmm... Who else is thinking that this is Engage!'s wife?

LOL i thought the same thing when i read that

[JenniLover]

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[oedipussy]

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[sera300]

Guys, I did not ask point blank for a reason, putting the name gives the confidentiality part a blow . Two sides to the story and who knows what the other wrote...meaning both of these two...hubby & wife. Now, what a mess, ughhhh.

[oedipussy]

Well, I can delete my posts if necessary. But I mean, really? It is fairly odd.

[sera300]

Jenny,

What I can tell you, his past is something many of us have faced and get through. We have had love ones die, and then there are those who have spouses who have "left".

A bit of marital part for you...his relationship w/her is immaterial to your marriage. You may feel badly about how deep his feeling were for her but it does not change the fact he is very much in love with you. I had a boyfriend who I loved & he was killed in a motorcycle accident...I had just began working in the hospital and did not recognize him. As time passes you let go and learn to live life again, many times you feel guilt for being the one alive and happy again. When you find love again, you still have a sense of guilt but it always hurts. The new love you find, does grow very deep. I married and built a life after many years of marriage he walked out. In time, again you re-build your life. One love does not negate the other. They are two separate "loves" because you never feel the same love again, but it does not mean the next one will not be deeper. Now, handling it is very difficult for you and for him. He may feel some guilt still. And remember, he wanted to marry you and he did.

All of a sudden he went from being a single man with a girlfriend to now a married man with a family on the way...very fast. He has stepped up and met it. But it's a lot for a man all at once, it takes times to adapt. Men do cry, sometimes it's out of frustration, it's out of not knowing exactly how to solve a problem. I am sure he is wondering what happens if there is something wrong with one of the babies...what if you become ill, he is the sole supporter and here just a few months ago he was single!

Yes, he managed a lot over time (his large family, etc) but the feeling to provide a good stable home is a great deal for a man to take in so fast. Many people marry, wait, buy a home then start a family. You both have been thrust into instant spouses and almost an instant family, and he knows he is the one who may be solely responsible for keeping his new family well. It's not just himself to look after, it's now his own family and it becomes very frustrating & confusing.

If I can tell you anything, this man does love you...no doubt. There is nothing he will not do for you...cut him some room. Do you ever encourage him to go out with a few friends for an evening? While you stay home and rest or do something for yourself? Also, develop some friends where you live, or a hobby! You make him happy when he sees you are okay & happy.

Keep the counseling, encourage him to go on his own too or have him turn to his minister friend.