Sex menu getting shorter and shorter.

[downpat]

so I have a very frustrating dilema that's simply getting worse.

My gf and I have been together for 3 years. Things are very good between us, in most ways, but for me sex is becoming frustrating, a little boring and a lot of work. And things are continually being taken off the sex menu so to speak.

A few months ago she told me she no longer wants me play with her breasts or suck on her nipples. says they are too sensitive. For 2.5 years it wasn't a problem and I would buy that if she was pregnant or nursing, but neither have occurred and rather than discussing it she simply pushes my face away when I tried, so now I don't. They were a fun part of foreplay now I just get to look at them.

I won't perform oral sex on her anymore because after 2.5 years she has started complaining that I "do it wrong". Ok fine, then tell me or show me how you want it, you'd think that would be an easy solution. Nope. she won't tell me. So I tried different things, to no avail, she just keeps squirming away no matter what I do, and its not the keep doing it squirm either. I was under the impression she loved it, because she told me she did, now I'm so self conscious about my technique that I simply won't go down anymore.

I'm an ass man, and find her ass sexy as hell and we have tried making anal sex a part of our fun for a while. But she has simply been teasing me with it. after 3 years of talking about it, doing it once, and her constantly saying she wants it but it never happening. I've developed almost an obsession with her ass, and really its not that big of a deal if we do that deed or not, but when its constantly in your face, offered and then denied, it gets a little confusing, and tiring.

I finally called her out on it and she basically said she didn't like it and doesn't know why she kept acting as if she did. What the hell?

So all that's left is intercourse, no sucking on her breasts, no oral, and the ass is completely off limits.

I'm not sure what to do, I'm pissed, confused and resentful as I do ALL of the work in bed. she may ride me for a minute or 2 but that's it, and sex lasts anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour. So no wonder she's all up and energized from multiple orgasms while I'm passed out from exhaustion. How hard is it to spread your legs or stick your ass in the air? get the drift?

So I don't know what to do and I feel as if she duped me by being adventurous and playful in the beginning while also being open and interested in more exploration. But now her body is basically off limits to me except for intercourse and she won't talk about it and I don't think I want to put up with it.

i love her immensely but I feel a little bait and switch has happened and that's just wrong and manipulative and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

Any advice?

[sera300]

It basically manipulative & controlling behavior on her behalf. If she is not willing to discuss it nor do anything to change it, you need to either accept this as a "new" way of life or move on to find a less controlling partner. Honestly, I would put an end to the sex with her if she does not agree to talk to you when you bring the discussion up. Stop giving her the control, you take some back. What changed? Probably nothing, you are seeing her normal behavior which has been masked. She has caught you and sees she has to do nothing to keep you.

[downpat]

Nothings changed that I can recall. We got engaged in June, but it was going on before that.

We "talked" about it yesterday. And when I say we talked, I mean I said what was on my mind while she listened and teared up. No feedback, no response, nothing to contribute. So basically nothing is going to change.

I already decided that I'm not about to keep things this way and won't be having sex with her for a while. At this point I'd rather rub one out than give her an orgasm.

I have heard of women changing after they get married and have kids, but I never thought she would pull this crap, and there are no kids and she's not pregnant. So go figure. Was it a trap from the beginning? Not sure I want the answer.

I just woke up to this the other day when my hip flexors were brutally sore from all the sex the day before and my hips are popping. No lie, certain positions now make my hip joints pop repeatedly and I'm only in my late 30s.

I'm not gonna give up, but I'm certainly not going to put up with it either.

My next question is why would she do this?

[sera300]

Why she would do this? It signifies underlying problems in the relationship when one becomes withholding. Or it's to exhibit control over you or the relationship. Get married? Do not set a date unless you want to deal with this the next 30 years.

Her silence and crying during the discussion is also a means of control. See, she want nothing to do with resolving it, she is with holding her feelings on the topic, leaving you with uncertainty, again maintaining control. There is a book...called "The Power of Silence"; the mainstay of it is the one who remains silent maintains the control.

[Brandye]

Most long term relationships cool a bit over time. Seems like yours is cooling sooner and more drastically than most. Either the two of you get some better form of communication going or you will be doomed to life long frustration. These things do not improve spontaneously. Takes work to keep it going.

[downpat]

Well that's the thing, it hasn't really "cooled off". We have sex everyday and I mean everyday, but its gotten very routine and I am expected to do the work for both of us and little by little I feel like a dildo with arms and legs..

Not sure what the underlying problem would be, honestly I'm at a loss for what the cause of her lack of initiative and communication in the sex department is. Maybe its just me. damn this BS has me thinking that I'm to blame.

I don't know how to get her to talk to me to work this out, I've tried many times, and many ways and I am not a go to a counselor guy, sorry they're more screwed up than the rest of us.

So I guess I'll make myself scarce for a little while and see what that accomplishes, maybe nothing or maybe she'll start talking. Either way this game is over.

[sera300]

You need to stop being the dildo with legs & arms. She either opens up or you decide what you want. The relationship issue most likely is not a sexual problem, it's in your relationship. You need to find an effective way to communicate, which you are not doing. Your yelling & she's clammed up--see the power struggle? I would talk, talk...not yell to her. Tell her this is something which needs to be resolved and give her a few days, stay cool about it.

If this is how conflict is resolved in your relationship it will continue to "pile-up" over time. You cannot blame yourself...it takes two. Two to destroy it and two to fix it.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Well, before you do that give soft domination a try.
You are both bigger and stronger than she is which is why manners decrees you follow her lead. But this time, no - we're going to pull out the stops.

Massage becoming heavy masage which turns into body worship (do NOT respect her limits - you want her breasts? go for them) which then becomes cunnilingus then cunnilingus with manual G-Spot massage which seques into your penis massaging her G-Spot which then becomes your penis massaging her posterior fornix and if you want to slide the vibe in behind go ahead, BUT the focus is all about you doing what you want to do even if you have to pin her down onto the bed to do it. If she has orgasms, fine; if not, that's okay too.

This time, what she wants is of no importance. Discussion will wait until tomorrow. If you get her angry, so much the better - maybe she'll talk then. But no more weaseling out by crying and silence - she speaks up or you walk - engaged or not. No one should have to put up with this nonsemse!

[downpat]

Your yelling & she's clammed up

There's no yelling, I learned a long time ago some topics are allowed to get heated, but sex and relationship misunderstandings aren't on that list.

But it doesn't matter, regardless of the method, I get zero feedback from her, not even excuses. Maybe I just don't do it for her anymore. God that would suck, but what else could it be? I never imagined her being a manipulative bitch, but nothing else is making sense.

Its the only area we seem to have difficulty talking through.

I've learned that if someone isn't willing to talk they have secrets or some other BS on the topic and fear of disclosure supercedes their desire to resolve the problem. Anyway, that's my distrusting opinion.

This really sucks.

And as for the soft dom..done it...temporary fix...and right now I don't even feel like putting forth the effort. More work for me. Piss on that

[dancingdoc2]

Yup, and she is not working at making it better only maintaining the discord.

> I already decided that I'm not about to keep things this way and won't be having sex with her for a while.

> I'm not gonna give up, but I'm certainly not going to put up with it either.

So, what do you propose for Plan B? Counseling? I rather doubt she will participate from what you have described. Usually it is the man who blindly discounts a problem within the relationship when his wife or girlfriend states that she is unhappy because.... If she truly wants this resolved and will not talk to you then maybe she will share her thoughts with a third party. If she refuses counseling then you have to understand that the relationship is doomed, or, at least will be the same for the next thirty years as mentioned.

In one of yesterday's posts I stated that when a relationship is working, sex is 10% of the reason; yet if a relationship is not working, sex is 90% of the reason. This is an old adage yet has some truth to it. That your girlfriend is holding you at arms length is not a good sign. Sex is the external manifestation of a couple's love. No sex, limited sex, poor sex, equates to a relationship in trouble.

So, we ask you, if you are "not going to keep things this way" and you are "not gonna give up", what are you going to do? If counseling is out, then everybody is suggesting that you should cut your losses and find someone willing to invest in you and a relationship.

I tend to agree that she pulled a bait and switch on you. Time to pull a switch on her. Inform her that the engagement is over. Do not ask for the ring back, although accept it if she offers. Good luck.