Relationship/sex going stale - Looking For Advice

[ToWild2Tame]

Hiyas;

I have not really posted much on here before, but I have read pretty much on a daily basis for over a year, I think you people give some really great advice and I thought maybe you could help, bear with me as this may become a little long-winded, but just so you get the idea.

My hubby and I have been together a little over 10 years, married for 7. We have 3 kids, the youngest is ours, the oldest 2 are mine from my first marriage. BTW he is 41 and I am 30.

Overall we have an excellent relationship, we are best friends and I am treated like a queen. We have had a few issues in the past few years relating to his sex drive, he just seems to lose interest from time to time and then it's all good again. I don't think it's really a loss of interest, I think he is tired more than anything else as he is a supervisor for a large construction crew and with the heat of summer well, I cut him some slack. He is usually good at giving me what I need but there have been fights in the past, because I have felt neglected in other ways such as the affection he shows me out of the bedroom, it spikes and drops as well. Anyway....

I am a very creative and sexual person, I always have been. Friends, even my mother come to me for advice and suggestions but here I am....go figure. Lately, I feel as though I have started to space out, we have done everything imaginable and I have asked for feedback from hubby only to get "I like everything you do." That becomes frustrating after twenty times because I am looking for some slight suggestion that may spark a lightbulb off in my head if you know what I mean. I feel like I have hit a brick wall, almost like writer's block and it SUCKS!!!

We have had alot of open conversation the past few days and decided that we do need to put our sex life back on the front burner but honest to god, I never thought I would have this problem, I don't know how to kick things up again. I would suggest that we need a weekend to ourselves but that's not possible as there are kids and we live 3500 km away from any friends or family.....HELP!!!!

I would love to plan something for tonight or tomorrow but I am at a loss for how to begin, I don't think there is anything we haven't done and we both just want to start over and make our marriage #1 on our priority list again. What can we do to reclaim our intimacy and our bond?

[sera300]

Honestly does not sounds as if the sex part is the major issue; it's the occasional marriage "rut" where you need to do something together, new, as a couple then return to home to have sex.

Perhaps think of something you both enjoyed when you first met, a special restaurant or event; get a sitter for the kids for the evening and get out. When you get home, try something sexually new. Hard to figure since I have no idea of what you both "do" and have "done". Evilevilkitten suggests body worshiping for a change of pace. Have you ever tried how many orgasms you both can have in one evening? I think finding something as a couple, a date, which you both have not done in a LONG time might be a good start, then once all those great emotions are "flowing" so does the sex. Reconnect as just a couple, do something adenturous which you always wanted to do, let the sex follow, then it will come naturally rather then trying to stage it.

[demonbuttercup]

EEK should write a stickie about body worship

[sera300]

Originally Posted by demonbuttercup

EEK should write a stickie about body worship

Seriously true & she is an Author too! It would be a good one!

[demonbuttercup]

Is she?
that's cool
I bet she could write a real steamy novel lol

[sera300]

Originally Posted by demonbuttercup

Is she?
that's cool
I bet she could write a real steamy novel lol

Drop her a PM...she'll direct you to some of her writing. Somewhere in here is Oldnkinky's "love lust night" (his sex life, not a precise title) and Evil posted one explicit experience one day. Damned good too! The best I can figure it's (Body-worshiping) is a modified version of Tantra.

[ToWild2Tame]

Well thanks for the reply, Sera. Yeah, I guess it is a rut of sorts but it's gone on a lot longer than any of our past 'ruts'.

I did suggest that we need at least a night alone but it's impossible, our kids are 14, 11 and 8 but the fourteen year old is not as responsible with his younger sisters as I would like him to be. As for an old haunt of ours that is a long way away lol. We moved half way across the country not long ago so it's tough not knowing anyone here either.

As for the body worship, I am interested in hearing more about it. As I said we have done it all, including lite forms of Tantra, but I find it hard to stay focused on something so intense. I find I can't keep the flow going, maybe due to the fact I have had three kids, poor body image not good, I know, sometimes it bothers me more than other times, cycle affects it...I retain water, not good for my ego lol.

I guess I am just looking for something that we can be enthusiastic about, damn it's hard being a parent, when they are young they keep you on your toes and exhausted, when they are older, there's no freakin privacy!!! Oh well, I will just keep the wheels in my brain rotating, I am sure something will pop up....no pun intended...well maybe!

[sera300]

Try going out rollerblading together...with a glass of wine or two, LOL! Then home for some good sex! Hopefully Evils posts about body-worshiping...if not drop her a PM. I think you can Google it too.

The "ruts" last for short and sometime a bit longer periods but on the good side they do pass! Cannot send the kids to sleep over a friends home? And you return the favor for them in the future? Just a thought!

Also search her name on this site...read about bondage...she has some good ideas!

Also, can you send the three of them to "camp" for an overnight or weekend such as boyscout/girlscout camp? They don't have to be scouts to go!

I remember at 10 years my then husband & I just after having an evening together, rolling over in bed laughing at the same time---we both realized we were "boring", LOL. Did the whole fix it up after that too! It's pretty bad when you both can laugh at the monotony together!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Did somebody call?

Hello sweety and yes, I know what it is like having kids and being married for some time.

First things first - that poor body image of yours! Stop that! Your husband does run screaming off into the night when he sees you naked does he? No, so it must not be all THAT bad. Cut yourself some slack here you have 3 kids and no one really likes 'barbie' anyway.

Next, neither you nor your husband are machines. You are nice to your husband, now try being nice to yourself. Institute a new practice in your household: one hour of Mom Time Monday through Friday when your youngest is down for her nap. Woe betide any child who breaks in. Tell them you'll roast thier liver if they do and sound veeery ferocious when you bellow it at them "I'll roast your liver!" They laugh but they also get the message.
Use this time to do whatever you want - hang from the rafters, swing on a swing behind the house, paint your toenails - whatever. Nap if you want.

Now, dinner is done, the kitchen's tidy, the younger kids are in bed and the 14 yr old is plugged into something electronic; time for Mom and Dad to relax on the veranda with drinks. Only Mom and Dad get to do this. Use this time to talk over the day, to laugh, to plan - to reconnect with eachother as adults and NOT as Mom and Dad.

Chase the 14 yr old off to bed and then go shower together. Try having sex in the shower. You wash him and he washes you. Hey, it might work. In any case it is fun and cannot hurt. Yes, body worship would help but it seems I have to give detailed instructions in a sticky post *sigh*. Yes, I'm teasing. I'll get around to doing it.

The real point is that you have most likely made the children the focus of your household leaving the adults to fend for themselves. Up to a point, this is fine. But it is now time to make a place for the adults in your household routine - if nothing else, it shows the kids that there's more than work to being an adult - which is a good thing.

BTW married to the same man for 29 years, thus far, and had the two monsters - not just kids - monsters!

[maniak3141]

EEK is on the right track, we went through that whole deal where you have to go from being mommy and daddy back to reconnecting as husband and wife. It takes real effort...in our case, there were some definite stresses and low spots, but we kept plugging away at it.

I think the talking thing without kids is really important, sex will come at some point into the equation, but even going out for the evening to nice supper....not a family restaurant....and talking about where your life is going next. What do you want to do with the rest of your time on earth? Your hubby is getting to the point where the thoughts and timing of retirement may becoming more real....what do the two of you want to do?

There is still stuff for my wife and I to do, she is somewhat repressed in her sexual thinking, but we have been moving forward on that score....I seem to remember spending an evening reading and drinking on the deck with her in a body paint t-top and shorts. Didn't do anything, but it sure excited the heck out of me....(and a couple of passers by I might add)....

M.