An unfulfilled fantasy - want it rough!

[poet1977]

Hi. We have been married for a while now, and I am having difficulty explaining what I want to my husband. Basically, he loves to kiss and hug and do it slow and he loves it when I'm on top and I take control.
However, I love it rough. My fantasies include being spanked till I cry over the knee, I would love something public, I really would love him to talk to me authoritatively. I've tried for 8 years now to tell him what I want. He says he won't hurt me. If I'm "good", he will give me a little swat which turns me on so much I can't breathe. However, he won't go beyond that and he's so lovey, that its hard to be turned on. I want to feel that he is a man. Can anyone help? Are we just not compatible? I do anything he wants. Why can I not have this? How can I turn him onto the idea?

[Engage!]

Chances are, he won't change.

But you might want to consider that a blessing, because it means that he loves you so much he can't even think of hurting you, even in play. I'm kind of the same way with my wife - I'm only too happy to handcuff her or restrain her, but I would never ever hit her, even if she wanted it. I just can't do it.

[EvilEvilKitten]

The problem is not with him, it is with you and your idea that being "lovey" is not being masculine. You might be a natural submissive, in the true BDSM definition of the term, married to a man who simply is not into power play of any kind. On that basis, you may be incompatible. HOWEVER, consider keeping the rough stuff as your masturbatory fantasy. IF you can do that, and then work on your appreciation of the subtleties of sex, you may not have to trade in your husband for another.

[bruins76]

See you want it rough, and although it's nice (at times)...it's loving to have it the emotional way too.

My DH & I have had maybe 2 sexual encouters that are "loving"...all the others are rough & raunchy (which is okay sometimes). I wish I had a DH who would do things the way your DH does them.

I think ITA w/ the above poster. I don't think that there is anything wrong w/ your DH.

JMO

[wellmannered_squirrel]

Ask him to costume and wear a mask.




Seriously, I think you should try new things progressively. Do not ask him to go all out authoritative, it just wont work.

Take the lil progress he gives you as they come. Be sure to tell him how much you love it. positive reinforcement.

SQ

[wellmannered_squirrel]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

The problem is not with him, it is with you and your idea that being "lovey" is not being masculine. You might be a natural submissive, in the true BDSM definition of the term, married to a man who simply is not into power play of any kind. On that basis, you may be incompatible. HOWEVER, consider keeping the rough stuff as your masturbatory fantasy. IF you can do that, and then work on your appreciation of the subtleties of sex, you may not have to trade in your husband for another.

I agree but I would like to add that working on the appreciation of the subtleties of sex goes both ways.

It's not because Poet aks for change that only she should work on it. In my mind, the minute human beings start having sex in a purpose other than having kids, the sex can no more be classified as normal, or natural. Hence I do not value lovely sex more than BDSM (that is, valued on a sex scale. Of course my measurement unit is not love here)

SQ

[EvilEvilKitten]

Well squirrel, you have bought into the sex only for procreation myth haven't you, dear! Then explain the purpose of the clitoris, the G- Spot, the P-Spot and the posterior fornix, if you can. All of which are for pleasure only and have nothing to do with sex for children.

[wellmannered_squirrel]

I agree but does that make "lovely sex" more valuable than BDSM. its all about the feelings in the end

[EvilEvilKitten]

"In my mind, the minute human beings start having sex in a purpose other than having kids, the sex can no more be classified as normal, or natural."

Sure it can! You're the one who brought 'value' into it. But both partners have to both enjoy it - loving (lovey - hah!) sex is what it is. BDSM sex is what it is. The concept of 'value' is nonsense.

[wellmannered_squirrel]

I brought in value as mean to say that there was none. types of sex are not comparable. that was my point.


hence subtleties of sex are the subleties you want sex to have.

I could swing a battle axe in a child's face and that'd be my subltey of sex for the day.


you're fun kitten.

SQ