Is my libido the problem?

[Raidenator]

If anyone remembers any of my other threads of myself I'm currently only 19 and dating a girl who I've been with for nearly a year and a half now.

Lately I just haven't had the desire to have sex like I used to. It used to be that I would do it anywhere at anytime but recently I've felt less attracted to the thought.

I don't understand what the problem is. Even masturbation has lost its fun. This isn't to say that I don't still have sex, and I'm still very attracted to my girlfriend, I just haven't felt in the mood to do it. Nothing has really changed much other than I do have a few more stressful things in my life, could that be the problem?

I'm just wondering what the deal is. I've talked to my lady to make sure she understands that it's not her but I want it back quite frankly. Maybe I'm starting to lose that teenager hormone rush?
Anyway, some input would be great.

[dancingdoc2]

> I'm currently only 19
> Maybe I'm starting to lose that teenager hormone rush?

Perish the thought! I'm here to tell you that at "only 19" you have actually reached your sexual peak! From here on out to your last day on earth, your sexual stamina will be a downhill journey, albeit inperceptively slow and shallow for the next couple of decades.

There may be three situations at play. The first, as mentioned, is anxiety. This is usually cured by literally stopping the worrying, and second, with new relationships, becoming more comfortable with the new partner and level of intimacy, plus, developing trust. The second situation is that with all relationships, sooner or later, sexual frequency declines from the frantic pace of a new relationship. Often the frequency is determined by negotiation due to the differences in sex drive. The third thing is doldrums. After a while without proper care and feeding, a relationship, like flowers, will wilt if not taken care of.

I suggest that the two of you do a morbidity test to see if your relationship has become stale, stagnate, or just ho-hum. If so, the two of you {read: you) need to step up and begin to revitalize it by reclaiming the spark of interest that was once there when the relationship was new.

> Nothing has really changed much other than I do have a few more stressful things in my life, could that be the problem?

In a word: YES!

Stress is not nothing much. Stress can and often is a major change.

If the stress is work related, then do not bring your work home with you.
If the stress is due to some aspect of the relationship then the two of you need to hash it out and fix the problem.
If making love is to remain a vital part of your relationship, then the two of you have to work together to care and feed it--and, to make the time to do this.

I find it curious that while a major reason for masturbating is to relieve stress, you are doing it less frequently while at the same time your love making as an expression of the love the two of you share has declined. You may want to think about the logic of this. Guys who are under stress usually masturbate much more than normal.

> Even masturbation has lost its fun.

Take a look at this site. In my never to be so humble opinion it is the preeminent source of male masturbation information, tips, and techniques. There should be something within its pages to help you reclaim an interest.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[bruins76]

Wait till you turn in your 30's...men have little to no drive to be as they once were. This is where it's not fair as a females drive is peaking & we're dealing w/ a man who could care less either way.

[dancingdoc2]

I absolutely disagree. For most couples, their respective sex drives match during their thirties. The woman is just coming into her own {read: peaking) while the man's downward slide often pretty much matches hers. This may not always be the case, although, generally it is.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Stress is killing your sex life.

1. get proper rest
2. get lots of exercise
3. learn to take life lightly and gently - think serenity
4. get more massages
5. tackle all problems head-on after giving them due thought

Now go get naked and tease your lady by dancing just beyond her reach.

[Brandye]

When the urge wanes at 19, something is wrong. More likely in your head than your body but you should have a checkup and then review what this relationship holds for either of you.

[Raidenator]

I appreciate the advice, and I think that it's stress.

Our relationship is going well, we just passed a rough patch if anybody remembers my previous thread. After that patch though things have worked out great. We seem to be more "together" than before. So I don't believe this is the problem, but I'll certainly talk to her and see what she thinks.

I'm led to believe my problem is stress. It makes a lot of sense actually. I just recently lost my job which corresponds with my loss of appetite. Not to mention after losing work, I haven't been able to take her out on a proper date in a while. She's paid for a lot of things lately which makes me feel bad and immasculated at times. I've started a new job though and things are looking up, I think that as soon as I get settled in and back into a regular schedule I should be fine, at least that's what I'm hoping. Though I'll still take your guys' advice and work on some relaxation techniques to keep things stress free.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Ah! Out of work! Yes, that would do it!
Congrats on the new job!

[Raidenator]

It doesn't matter. It's over.

[oedipussy]

Well that's depressing...