Sex and children

[Orow]

- Well, yeah.

So, my boyfriend found out he was a dad, an ex of his got pregnant and never told him (perhaps you remember my thread about it). Now at least he knows and they worked out together that he should be given half of the custody, but right now the kid just has to get to know his dad and feel safe with us, before staying here that long (A week day, every other weekend and most small holidays). But he (the child) is young and adapting well, and he loves the both of us already and planning things with the ex is fine, no probs.

Our son is beginning to spend nights here (his room is very simple right now, but we have made plans to make it a "thing" for father and son to do together as a project) and it's all going so well, even though it has happened so fast. He is not afraid to come into our bedroom if he wakes up at night and is scared.

Anyway. The problem is that when he is here I simply cannot have sex with my husband, even if the child is sound asleep and in another room. I'm too scared that I won't hear him if he cries or calls for us and the thought of him catching us in the act makes me sick to my stomach, even if he's too young to understand what we're doing.
My husband is giving me a lot of space and it's not really a problem right now since the child is only staying with us for one or two nights at the time. But at some point he's going to be here a lot longer. It's frustrating me, because I want to be with my husband, but also feel like I'm abandoning or letting down the child.

How can I make myself relax? What can I do to be sure that I will hear him if he gets sad? Should we get a lock on the bedroom door only to use when we’re "busy"?

Sincerely, Orow.

[curious_woman]

You're saying the boy can walk, meaning he's not newborn...aka the worst that can happen is he'll get scared or pee himself if you don't answer his calls.

I say lock the doors and have fun after he's fallen asleep, or lock his door so he can't wander. Not sure what age he is, but I read children between about 2-6 tend to call out for their parents even when they don't need them, like a tantrum sort of thing...sometimes you just gotta let him cry until he wears himself out I think *shrugs* I don't have children yet, and my only sibling is 16 years older .

Don't worry about feeling like you're abandoning him, he handles a newfound father, a new place to sleep, and sleeping alone mostly he can take it for a couple hours while you "relax" .

[sera300]

Orow:

Get one of those things you put in kids rooms so you hear them. It's a speaker so you can hear them and the receiver goes where you are. Lock your bedroom door! But you'll hear him if he wakes, and you will also hear that he is sound asleep. I think they are called baby room monitors! My brother & sister-in-law use them for their kids (the little one only)!!!

Also, set his bedtime early and stick with it. Do not encourage him to get into your bed!!! When I have the girls for an overnight stay, I keep them out of my bed, no matter what!

[EvilEvilKitten]

An intercom, found in all baby stores, and a lock on your bedroom door should fix everything.