What to do?

[luv2wch]

I've been married for 23 years been together for 28 years up until about 2 years ago we had sex at least 4 times a week. Now I'm lucky to have sex once every couple of months. It's driving me crazy! I have never cheated but lately it's been crossing my mind more and more! Any idea what to do?

[foxdan]

Talk to your partner and express your feelings, the first singe of a breakdown in a relationship is when you stop talking then the sex and love goes out the window.
Fined out if there is a reason why she dose not want to have sex any more dose she want you to spice it up for her , romance her show her love and affection, woman are not like men they can go with out sex forever and t put them in the mood is to romance and cuddle
Hope all works out for you

[EvilEvilKitten]

No, women cannot go without sex forever! Jeez! What the man needs to do is to improve his sexual skills first by frankly but kindly discussing this with his wife. Do not assign blame to anyone. Ask her for her help. If she does not step up then his going outside is entirely forgivable.

[Sustayned]

I am sure I misunderstood what you were saying EvilKitten. Everything I've read written by you is very common sense and normally right on. But if I read it right, you were telling the hubby to sharpen his sexual skills? I know you must have meant something I didn't get besides talking to her. If they had sex four times a week for 23 years and suddenly it drops faster than a twenty-nine cent pair of socks, why would you suspect his sexual skills?
Please explain

[Sustayned]

BTW, this happened to me after 28 years of marriage (we are on year 33 now) and it had nothing to do with anything that could be considered behavior. My wife experienced what I am convinced was an early menopause or something because it surely was related to hormones as it turned out. No amount of romancing, or talking or anything would help her at that time. In fact, if I even brought up the subject, she'd get all pissed off and say, "All you think about is sex. I think talking about it is even disgusting." (I told her to not eat for a few days and see how much she thinks about food.) This coming from a girl who was always very inventive, fresh, highly charged sexually and exciting. In fact, she probably had a higher libido than mine and mine has always been high.
This went on for some years...almost four. I never cheated....don't believe in it..didn't grind her about it and tried to let her come back to her own by herself.
That didn't happen. Eventually, I began to feel unloved since I felt if she loved me she would seek help but steadfastly refused.
Finally I told her how much I loved her but that when our last child turned 18 I was going to go my own way. I told her I really didn't want to but don't believe in infidelity (my father was a whore and I saw how much that hurt my mom and the family). I told her I'd help her in any way I could after divorcing but that my libido did not die just because hers did and that it was affecting my personality. Losing my patience, frustrated all the time etc.
Believe it or not, she said she hadn't realized how important it was...I can't imagine that being the case but she slowly pulled herself out of it and we're not the same as before but a lot better. I don't know what happens. Especially when she was so highly charged before. I hope just talking to her etc. helps but I really have to believe you've already done that till you're blue and I don't hold much faith in that being the issue anyway. Some females seem to have life changing stages that also seem to cause mid-life crisis in the lives of their mates as well, and sometimes the behavior is so bad their children see the weirdness. But when you're not sleepy, why would you seek help to want to sleep when you feel you can do just fine without it. That was her take on this.
Hmmmmm Very complicated stuff here.

[curious_woman]

I think she should see a doctor/therapist. If its early menopause, correct me if I'm wrong but isn't there hormone therapy for it, to help women react more "normal"? I'm not sure...not really something I worry about at all...lol

The only other reason I can see is well...I'm sure you've thought about it and I don't really want to say it but...=/...maybe she lost interest in YOU, not in sex and has someone else >.<. I'm sorry I feel horrible saying it! =(

[EvilEvilKitten]

Curious,
Well yes that is what I meant but I didn't want to put it so baldly. Forgive me but menopause usually means a decrease in estrogen and thus an increase in testosterone which means an increased, not a decreased, libido.

[curious_woman]

Okay, as I said I wasn't sure, its not something I have read up about yet, because well I don't need to worry about it for quite a few years. Thanks for correcting me and giving the proper info.

I only said that because no doubt he's thought of it before =/...

[JuneMoon]

Which poses another question. Can making efforts for sex, which can seem odd at first or forced, help increase libido even if it is chemical?

[Engage!]

Never had that problem, JuneMoon. The best thing to do is talk to your partner and come to a mutual understanding. And, from my POV, cheating is NEVER justified even if you're not getting any.