This has probably been beat to death but I am new...? Sexless Marriage?

[realfella]

Ladies, I am in a little to no sex marriage. (1 to 2 times a month (married for 14 years)) is there any chance that this will change? I have done all the cards, massages, notes, vacations, begging... when do you call it quits and admit defeat? Am I just fooling myself thinkin' that it will change? Please help... (she is 33)

[Brandye]

I wish we really knew how many marriages are sexless and about when they get to that point. I know it is more common than most think. After 14 years and at the age of 33 I can assure you that things will not change without an intentional intervention. That may be the two of you going into counselling; it may be she getting her chimes rung by another lad; it may be your announcement that you are looking to have an affair; it may be the arrival of the divorce papers.

The counselling is probably the most likely to help because there are undoubtedly other elements of the marriage that need shored. If she chooses not to participate, it is time to cut your losses and move on.

[Alexandra]

Have you tried threatening to get a divorce??

[realfella]

Miss Alexandria,
I have told her that I need sex in my life and that it is not optional and then we will have a great night then nothing... to tell you the truth sex is not that satisfying anymore she just lays there ALL the time... I have been to counseling and tried different positions etc. Cards, letters, talking, non-demand affection, ... I wish women could understand how unloved a man feels when there is nothing happening at home...

[Alexandra]

I think I do know how you feel...my MAN just lays there!! Not something you hear much I know. LOL When I'm desperate for something exciting, sometimes I will pick him up a new porno and hope he gets some ideas. Maybe you could try that, at the very least it might get her a little jealouse, witch seems to make a woman more willing. Manipulative, I know but it sounds like you have tried the open honest thing, and it's just not working.
You didn't say weather or not you have kids, or if you would seriously consider leaving her, but maybe you should talk about seeing other people. See how she reacts, and go from there.
If it makes you feel any better your not the only one going through this. I have been with my b/f for ten years, we have two little girls, and 90% of our relationship, is the stuff dreams are made of, but when it comes to sex, I have to work hard as hell to get any kind of satisfaction. I don't know weather it's because we have been together for so long, or if I just haven't found what is going to get him going, but I'm not ready to give up yet. I do know that I'm lucky if I wake up feeling like a woman, much less a sexy, desirable one.
Keep your chin up, I do believe that if you two once had a sex life you were happy with, (I'm assuming you did) than you can again.

[EvilEvilKitten]

If she/he just lays there, you're going to have to bring out the heavy artillery - body worship. I defy anyone to 'just lay there' when being subjected to such equisite a 'torture'.

Begin with a heavy kiss right on the nape of the neck with your arm firmly around your partner. Make this your signal to your partner that wild, rampant, skin-on-skin, full body contact sex is in the offing and he/she had best be prepared because there's nothing he/she can do to prevent it.

Throw being timid, considerate, and loving away! Be unbridled! Demand a response! Loud, noisy, sweaty, active; make this a total lust-fest.

If you would like further details, just yim me!

All too often, married couples just let sex slide. This builds up a history of no sex or hurried unstaisfying sex a few times here and there. Men are taught to expect NO and women wonder what they're doing wrong. The situation just gets worse as more time goes by. No you do not need toys, notes, lingerie. All you need is to throw away the fear and the inhibitions and release the inner animal.

(I know whereof I speak - I'm the "other woman" - they go back to their wives to get some rest.)

[ChiliPepper]

I agree... sex in marriage should be fun. Perhaps shes forgotten that sex is a 'recreational activity' - or, perhaps shes self-conscious about her appearance, I know many women who are hesitant to 'release' in the bedroom due to a few extra lbs, or the fear of being judged - on appearance, talent, etc..

I would just make it clear that you adore her, and her body - as is, and let her know you want to enjoy the physical part of your relationship.

EEK has it right on - unbridled! Just let her know that sex isnt about judgement, or perfection, its about lust, fun, and feeling good.

Inhibitions are the biggest 'good sex killer' IMO - once you have been married, and have a true bond, I would think its time to let them go, and just enjoy yourselves!

[cyclefreak]

Originally Posted by realfella

Ladies, I am in a little to no sex marriage. (1 to 2 times a month (married for 14 years)) is there any chance that this will change? I have done all the cards, massages, notes, vacations, begging... when do you call it quits and admit defeat? Am I just fooling myself thinkin' that it will change? Please help... (she is 33)

You are lucky, there are plenty of people who don't even get that much.