How do I stop faking the big O?

[Alexandra]

I have been with the same man for 10 years, and he has mad me come exactly five times! There are lots of reasons I fake but the biggest one is that I feel rushed, and if I don't get off (or pretend to) quick enough for him, he gets frustrated. We have no forplay, so by the time I want the sex it's over. The few times I have gotten off, he was going down on me, witch happens about once a year, and usually lasts only about two minutes. I have asked him to do it more often, and to take his time, but to no avail.
We have enough sex, but usually he just lays there. First I blow him, than he tells me to get on top, I fake an orgasm within ten minutes (if I don't he makes it seem like he can't last any longer), than he says he's going to come, and tells me to suck it, witch I do. The whole thing takes about 15 minutes, he lays with his hands behind his head, and his eyes shut, through 90% of it, and acts like he's doing me some big favor!?!
I want to tell him, but at this point it would be a huge problem. So how do I stop? I have before, but so dose our sex life, It's just too much work if he has to do much, so at that point it's just BJ's for him. I have created a sexually selfish monster, and I don't know what to do!!!

[sera300]

What do you do about faking and the selfish sex monster? You stop it right now. You are not his slave and either he shapes up and counts you in as part of the act or you don't do anything w/him. There is no choice but to tell him what's happening and why. Otherwise the remainder of your life will be spent sexually unsatisfied.

[Brandye]

Many women fake their way into a corner. You are neither the first nor the last. While I believe most of us have faked a few times, taking it this far to spare his hurt feelings is not in either of your interests. My guess is that there are other parts of your relationship that are in similar shape.

Your orgasm is your responsibility. If he has any true feelings, he will help as he can. I rarely reach orgasm from penetration and thrusting and if a guy will not go down on me, both voluntarily and on demand, he is quickly history. Your husband essentially directs the show and you are a performer. You may need professional help to get this through to him but he needs to become a performer and share the directing duties.

Read around and see how many posts by young men you can recognize as your husband in the making. They are responsible for sex and we women should be happy with what they are interested in. Sad for all of us - men and women.

[Beans518]

phase it in. one day when you have sex just do nothing and see what happens. i've been through the same thing before and when i finally did tell him he was devastated. just phase it out the next couple of times and when he asks you what's wrong tell him you don't know it just didn't happen for you and see what he does.

[EvilEvilKitten]

NO FOREPLAY?!?! ARE YOU TWO INSANE??

Of course, you're faking it! No one orgasms from bad or unskilled sex.
Look, most women require relaxation before arousal. This is the point of foreplay. The sequence is 1. foreplay, 2. outercourse, 3. intercourse, 4. rest, 5. repeat.

You have married a low sex drive, selfish man who you have permitted to become lazy. Rule no. 1 from now on is "you get what you give".

Step one is to tell him what you told us.
Step two is to ask him if he wants to change this - to improve both of your lives
Step three is to act upon his answer: if yes - then begin exploring body worship - him to you; if no - then divorce him and find yourself a better male.

After 10 years of you being "accommodating" - you may have to verbally smack him upside the head to get his attention - so get your girl on and bring some attitude with you.

[Alexandra]

Thank you all for your advise. I'm still afraid to tell him outright that I have been faking, but I did tell him that I was "board", with what we had been doing, and that I felt like we no longer had passion between us. Ether I underestimated his willingness to change, or I really hurt his ego, because the last time we were together he participated a lot more than he was (still no oral though! ahhhh!). I didn't get off, but I didn't fake it. I made a big deal of him giving more of an effort, and said that I enjoyed my self much more than usual. I'm sure he was confused, but I told him that I was sure things would be "back to normal" if he continued to try new things and take his time, I also couldn't help hinting, that he might try going down on me, and saying that I knew how much he liked me doing it for him.
After reading your replies I do feel as if I deserve more from him, in this department, and I'm encouraged by his responding positively. I just hope he doesn't give up too easily. We'll see.

[Alexandra]

EEK, what exactly is body worship? It sounds fairly self explanatory, but you never know. I think I may be too self conscious to enjoy it.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Body worship is where the one partner licks, nibbles, sucks, claws, bites, caresses with every part of their body, the body of their partner. Self conscious? Oh no dear, not after the first kiss, nibble, lick! It is heaven and extremely arousing! Powerful stimulation which is why body worship is classified as outercourse and not as foreplay.

Works on both men and women.