is it me?

[sandy001]

I am just after some advise. I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 28. i have been with him for nearly 8 years and we have a little boy who's 2, but over the last year and a half he has completely gone off sex, but i haven't it. It feels like i'm keeping count of how long it was since we last had sex. i've tried to talk but ends in arguments, but when we do its fantasic. most of the time i get pushed away if i come on to him which doesn't doesn't do a lot for my confidence.
please help me i fell like i'm going mad

[maniak3141]

Hi there Sandy, I haven't checked in for a while, but your post sort of pulled on a heart string....

Anyway, I am a guy, been married for a long time and a couple of thoughts go through my mind...a guys perspective mind you.

Most guys, me included, are pretty sensitive about their sexual performance, and need stimulation to get things going. It is quite obvious if a guy does not have the fire lit...while a girl can sort of get away with it.

Trouble with a long term relationship is that you sort of get into a rut..do the same things in the same sort of way. My wife, for example, always wants to the same sort of things, always in the bedroom, never doing x or y....led to a problem, which thankfully we are manoevering around.

Anyway, the thing that gets guys going is variety....so my advice to you is to more or less quit talking about it (oral sex is actually no substitute for the real thing) and get on with trying some of the things that he has asked about or mentioned in the past. Nothing speaks to a guy better than action...you know the old saw about meeting him at the front door dressed in Saran wrap and let him pretend he is the Man from Glad or whatever turns his crank. I certainly have had the problem....I wanted something different, and sort of resented my wife coming on to me with exactly the same menu as the last time...but couldn't find the way to productively deal with it. I blame testosterone for that....

Now, there are all the normal concerns that could be raised, is he having a physical problem, are the normal parenting stresses getting in the way, how is work going for him....all that stuff....those need to be checked out as a part of the picture.

[HardNgood]

have you changed physically? if he doesn't have health problems or head problems maybe he's got something on the side??...Just thinking realistically?

[a-bit-shy]

I don't know what you have tried so far but maybe a little romance is what is needed. A gentle push. Try to plan a romantic evening. Get a babysitter, maybe some sexy lingerie, and make it linger. That's probably a good start. Sometimes you just need a little kick to get things started again.

[HardNgood]

anytime a guy seems aloof or in-approachable or not wanting touching, there should be BIG RED FLAGS!

[EvilEvilKitten]

You try to talk but it ends in an arguement? Then you are not speaking to him correctly..

Try using "I feel..." statements such as "I feel hurt when you push me away." "I feel unloved and unwanted when we do not enjoy sex together."
"I love you and I want you."

Romance and variety - yeah, yeah - but effective, loving, and tactful communication is the KEY to enjoying a happy, healthy, long-term relationship.

(married to the same man for 29 yrs now)

[sandy001]

Thanks for your replys.

He has admitted in the past (when we've talked not argued) that he hasn't got a high sex drive like me. I have tried sexy underwear sex toys for him and me, they work for the first time then nothing again. I'm a dispensing technician and wear a similar dark nurses uniform, and i have gone to him with nothing underneath but he came straight out with it "it does nothing for me!"
We both like rugby, so i thought i'd try just his rugby shirt on, got a bit dirty, but same reaction.
So now i hold back a bit when trying new things because of the reaction i'm going to get.

From maniak's point of view, i have changed in appearance but i'm not a "pie eater" plus my boobs are bigger.

I'm doubting that he is having an affair because he spends too much time at home and rarely goes out without me.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Then your choices are limited to:

1. divorce
2. cheating - that is to say without his knowledge
3. swinging - that is with his knowledge and acceptance
4. living with it as it is

I wish you good luck!

[sandy001]

When someone else shows an interest in me i do flirt back.
I think our relationship is in a rut but i want to try and sort it before it's too late and we end up saying our goodbyes, but we would still see each other because of our son.
Think i may spike his drink with a viagra LOL
Thanks for your replys
Sandy