bad at making catchy titles, but plz help

[GirlNobody]

Ok, I'll start by giving you the bio.

Me and my bf are both 21. I lost it when I was 16, he lost it when he was 16. To different people. Only he only had sex with one girl and it was "just the tip, just for a second to seehow it feels" or so i've been led to believe, his experience level would back that i feel.

I have had sex numerous times with many random people, call it a highschool popularity campaigne. I loved my adventerous short game back then. I'd get off in front of the mirror just getting ready and primping myself up for a night of the un-known. I took alot of joy in pretending to be a stripper for my boys, learned sexy dance moves, became skilled at lap dances, etc. Men found me attractive and I found myself attractive, so sex was just plain fun all around I felt like I was the star of my own porno.

When I met my bf, I thought he was a virgin and tried to deflower him (another big turn on for me) when I found out he wasn't, it wasn't a big deal either.... but he wouldnt do it with me. He didnt know me well enough. Smart boy, cause that was the bait. He kept me.

Four years later, we are best friends, partners, lovers, and together in every sense of the WORD together. We're like Peas and Carrots.

Our sex life though.... In the begining once we finally did it together, we'd **** like 3 times a day... we'd have a quicky in the parking lot before work... it was beautiful. Over time though, something has changed. We have sex 2 times a month if we're lucky. Because of the lack of sex, he cums very quickly when ever we do, do it. Leaving me high and dry (litterally). I have suggested all kinds of things, or just tried them with him none the wiser... such as: dressing up as a schoolgirl (one of his fantasys), wispering dirty things in his ear either in bed, or at the dinner table, or over the phone when he calls from work, or texting him a pic of my boobs from the bathroom at work, tried my old ploys of becoming dixie normous the stripper, i have a finger vibe that sits unused (except by me, alone) he says he wants to try anal, but IMO **** THAT.... your not getting in my bum untill you prove yourself the other way first. Besides, some great lube and my tiny finger vibe would be a great key to unlocking the back door so-to-speak. He seems completely unobliged to become more educated about sex, try new things, etc. When i say dirty things he gets confused and nervous, or laughs at me, when i dance for him he gives me a disapproving look like. "Oh your too cute, stop trying to be sexy"
~Cute never got any bodies rocks off. ~ Which not only destroys my confidence usually making me trip over my own legs.
I'll admit i act very cutsey, girl next door. Its part of who i am.
But I feel like he thinks im his 5 year old daughter or something when it comes to sex,,, like im too cute to be bad.

Yesterday was the straw that broke the camels back.
I had come home from my brazilian wax appointment. Recently he had bought me a beautiful bra/panty set and it was an unspoken but mutal plan to break it in that night after my wax. Now Its not my fault that he found my baby soft, freshly waxed skin irresistable. So we had sex right then and there but with no for play. He just pushed and pushed and pushed untill eventually it cramed in. Kinda painful. Once we got going tho it was alright. Then it was over. I was left un satisfied.COMPLETELY. So I cut my losses and toldhim he better make up for it tonight (wink wink) i wore my sexy lingerie all night and teased him with it, when evening comes... He's too tired. He appologized profuesely as I took off my fancies and put my pyjamas on. Clearly looking broken. I cried myself to sleep last night.

So..... if you made it through all that without falling asleep.... what do i do?
He fills every void in my life except for sex. Which is a pretty big part. But what sort of girl would I be if i left a loving, commited, loyal relationship, so that i could get hot and sweaty with someone else? I wouldn't even want to with someone else. Geez.

[sera300]

It sounds as if he is bored to me. A male friend of mine (who has been around sexually) has recently become attached and his exact words re: decline in sexual frequency & sexual interests; "It's like unwrapping the same Christmas present over and over".

What do you do? You have to talk to him, tell him how much this bothers you, how you want it to be, and see if you are compatible.

[Brandye]

Get a copy of the Joy of Sex and the two of you work your through it. That should last the next twenty years and then the front part will be fresh and you can start over again.

[dancingdoc2]

From what I get from your story is that he just doesn't get that there is anything wrong--or if he does, that it is not a big deal. Well, if it is important to one or the other of you it is a BIG DEAL.

> He seems completely unobliged to become more educated about sex, try new things, etc.

This is why I say he doesn't get it. If he is bored as Brandye suggests, then why not investigate new avenues and approaches? If he is not unhappy with his end of your sex life, then he once again doesn't get that there is something wrong with it because he either discounts your concerns or simply doesn't hear them.

I believe quite strongly that he needs to read the story you posted including the replies. If he is at all concerned, he might begin to "get it".

> Because of the lack of sex, he cums very quickly when ever we do, do it. Leaving me high and dry (litterally). I have suggested all kinds of things

Have you suggested the Squeeze technique for squelching his approaching climax? Have you suggested that he help you achieve one or more orgasms before intercourse and/or after?

Very few positions make it possible for a woman to climax directly from intercourse so it is often necessary to reach around and finger her while stroking. To further enhance a woman's enjoyment a guy can help her enjoy climaxing before or after as is her desire.

> Yesterday was the straw that broke the camels back.

Again, I believe that the two of you need to discuss all this at a time when neither of you are tired nor about to get romantic. I cannot imagine a guy not wanting to please his woman, or worse, not wanting to keep interest alive by exploring new ideas and approaches. In the beginning of your relationship this was no doubt an all consuming passion and concern, so what happened? Whatever it was, happens to a lot of couples and it must be identified and worked on. If he is unwilling to admit that you are unhappy and unwilling to do anything to change then you have to decide whether to continue on with things as they are, or make a change in your life.

> I was left un satisfied.COMPLETELY.

There is no reason or excuse for this except ignorance or lack of concern for your well being and happiness. That said, you both have ownership in this. Did you say or do anything to let him know his "job" was not yet completed?

> ...if i left a loving, commited, loyal relationship....

How loving, committed, and loyal is he if he refuses to recognize or take interest in you his partner's happiness and well-being? I wish we had an answer for how to get this guy's head out of the sand. One way to begin encouraging him is to go purchase the book Brandye recommends. Read it, first, then read it together.

At some point in time either before showing him the book while flipping through the pages, you have to tell him what he needs to get. Then, spell it all out, beginning with the why and then moving onto the how. When you have the discussion make it positive and not what he might very likely perceive as an attack. You must adopt a positive approach to your chat and get him to participate by asking and answering questions.

I hope this is of help. Got questions? Please feel free to continue the discussion.

[EvilEvilKitten]

What kind of girl would you be? One who is not going to be a patsy anymore. Face it, he's got what he wants, whenever he wants it, however he wants it AND he doesn't have to work very hard or think about pleasing you because, in the end, you'll just shut up and take it. You'll get waxed, plucked, frizzed etc - just to try and awaken his interest. Next comes the breast augmentation/lift. Hello, Barbie!

You're either going to have to leave him or take the following drastic measures to wake the idiot up. Tie him down onto the bed so he can't escape and sit on his face until you are COMPLETELY satisfied then using whatever means you want to use, see how many times you can force him to orgasm, with ejaculate. Try to get at least 4 out of him in 45 minutes.

Bored? Hah! The man will not remember his own name after that! He'll be a huge puddle of protoplasm quivering on the floor and wondering what hit him. Then you can tell him you're leaving him because he's so damn SELFISH in bed.

(you will recall I'm a dominatrix)

[Rmacy]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

What kind of girl would you be? One who is not going to be a patsy anymore. Face it, he's got what he wants, whenever he wants it, however he wants it AND he doesn't have to work very hard or think about pleasing you because, in the end, you'll just shut up and take it. You'll get waxed, plucked, frizzed etc - just to try and awaken his interest. Next comes the breast augmentation/lift. Hello, Barbie!

You're either going to have to leave him or take the following drastic measures to wake the idiot up. Tie him down onto the bed so he can't escape and sit on his face until you are COMPLETELY satisfied then using whatever means you want to use, see how many times you can force him to orgasm, with ejaculate. Try to get at least 4 out of him in 45 minutes.

Bored? Hah! The man will not remember his own name after that! He'll be a huge puddle of protoplasm quivering on the floor and wondering what hit him. Then you can tell him you're leaving him because he's so damn SELFISH in bed.

(you will recall I'm a dominatrix)

I love you........


lol

[emilie]

I'm in evilkitten's camp with this.

Also, stop with the primping.... he'll notice hot much effort you put into it then.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Some men simply do not appreciate what they have when they have it and you have to wake them up to reality!
He's gotten complacent.

[Engage!]

Just my crazy english teacher side coming out here, but it's "complacent" not "complaisant." If anything, this guy is not "complaisant" because that word means "eager to please!!!"

As for the guy, I can see where he comes from, and I agree that you need to teach him a lesson. In my relationship, I have to admit that I sometimes become disinterested, but I've learned that even when I'm tired or not really in the mood, my gf needs some entertainment/release. If I make a positive effort to please her even when I'm not really that eager to, she will return the favor sometime when the tables have turned. It's not as much about pleasure as it is about respect. Have a talk with him, explain it, and maybe he'll understand. Or if he's not the logical type, try E.E.K.'s solution.

EvilEvilKitten -- I like your style (funny thing, you sound a bit like my gf!)

[EvilEvilKitten]

Thank you, Engage! Re-editted now. Nice compliment, thank you, but I can assure you, I am not what most would consider a "suitable" girlfriend.