struggling with this.

[Perry]

I am trying to get over a conversation that I had with my fiance several months ago. During this coversation she told me that the best sex she had ever had was with a former boyfriend. She hasn't been together with him for at least five years now. Her relationship with him is what she referes to as a "cat and mouse" relationship. They had broken up and got back together the six years they were together.

I asked her what I could do to make our sex better. She tells me that our sex life is fine and she enjoys having sex with me and there is nothing I could do different to make it better. I disagree with her because ,I tell her that the best sex she has ever had was with somebody else and I would like to know what he did that I can't.

This is just eating me up inside. I retyped this post three times because I can't believe I am posting something like this. But, I am at a loss right now and have no idea what to do

[sera300]

I think the sex with the ex may have been they had great chemistry but a horrible relationship. To compare yourself to him is unfair, it may not be a matter of what you do/or do not do which you are equating a sexual connection to.

There are times in life we have relationships where the sex is mind blowing but the remainder of the relationship is horrible. Then there are relationships where the emotional connection is phenomenal and the sex part is really good. It the entire package of a person that matters, not just one area.

[Perry]

Our relationship is unbelievable other than this part of it that I just can't seem to get over. There has to be some part of our sex life that I can improve on. I can't imagine she is being honest with me when she tells me that I am good in bed. She has already had better,so there has to be some room for improvement.

[Brandye]

Comparing sexual performance with past partners is one of the cruelest things a person can do to a present partner. This same issue shows up here every month or so and short of sitting her down and telling her what it is doing to you I know of nothing to be done. She cannot unsay what she said.

Discussion of past partners has always been taboo with me. Not that I am smart, I simply do not want to hear and I certainly will not tell.

[Perry]

I'm sure she didn't intend for me to feel like this. I asked her the question and she was honest when she replied.

I actually considered talking with a theapist about it,but my insurance doesn't cover sex therapy. I need to figure out some way to get through this because we have such a great relationship and I know this is going to cause problems with our relationship eventually.

[Chino]

Sometimes the things the make up the best sex of your life may have very little to do with the individual little acts done during intercourse and therefore there may not be a tangible "something" that she could have you do. While I would never admit it to her, the best sex of my life was not with my wife. It had nothing to do with the things that were done, but rather the place and situation surrounding the encounter. Perhaps it was the whole cat and mouse situation that made sex hot...doesn't make a hot relationship though.

Just remember that she said that sex with you is good and you said that your relationship is "unbelievable". As an analogy, I'd much rather have a dog that is loyal and faithful their entire life than a dip**** of a dog that pees on the carpet but won a "best of show" ribbon once in their life.

[sera300]

I agree w/Chino! Part I did not mention...the best sex was not with my then spouse. He was great but the best/hottest was with an ex-fiance. These are things which should never be discussed EVER! Just let it go, you are doing nothing wrong, remember it's the whole package she loves!

Look at women in general why do we go through cycles of wanting sex then not wanting it? Hormones, stress, responsibility, etc. Perhaps during this time her hormones were uncontrollable? Perhaps at this time she did not have the obligations in life which she has now, or maybe it was part of the relationship "game"?

[Perry]

I guess I just don't get it. I'll just have to accept that things are the way they are and move on. Thank you all that took the time to reply.

[sera300]

Perry:

First you are welcome. But just let it go and do not take it as an insult against you or what you do. It's really too bad she even mentioned it...there are things which should NEVER be discussed and this is the exact reason. Remember it suits no purpose, just move on with the one you love and the one who loves you!

[curious_woman]

My fiance thinks the best intercourse he ever had is with me (I say intercourse, not sex....because he feels he makes love to me, not just "****ing around")

Before me, he had only had one night stands, and sex with short-term girlfriends and never had sex with anyone he truly cared about or loved. When we first made love, he came very quickly because it was like being a virgin for him (me as well to be honest) because he had never done it with someone he loves.

Now, this might sound discouraging, that I'm saying maybe your partner doesn't love you...BUT let me explain!

I think it might be a psychological/emotional thing on her part. For us, its emotional that it's the best. For her, the fact that it was wild random sex with a non-serious partner and a bad relationship, might be her kink.

Just my 25 cents. =)