I am going crazy!!!

[Flippy]

I'm 19 and I have been dating my boyfriend since we were seniors in high school (about 2 and a half years) and I love him completely. We know each other's families very well and get along with everyone great. We have planned to marry the summer we graduate from college. So yeah, just a little background.

The problem: I have a high sex drive and he has a kind of low drive. So I can really only get some from him maybe once or twice a month. Masturbation doesn't help me at all, at best, it makes me frustrated (I have tried every stupid trick in the book). I have told him how much this bothers me and he's tried to work on it, but to no avail.

For the past year and a half I have had extreme temptation to cheat on him with other guys, but since I am completely against betraying my lover, I have no outlets. I feel horrible that I've been wanting to get with other guys and I am too afraid to hurt his feelings to tell him about these kinds of feelings. I just wonder if I'll be able to keep my sanity being married to him. I can't get advice from my mother (who should now about this stuff, right?) about this since she would say how sinful this all is and tell me to go to church... blah blah...

Does anyone have any advice for this? I would really appreciate some.

[sera300]

Only you can decide how important a good health sexual life is to your relationship and future marriage. I would never suggest marrying anyone who you are not sexually compatible with. There are many older threads on this site which exemplify those who have and only find themselves very unhappy and wondering the same as you are. Has he seen a doctor to rule out a medical reason for only wanting sex 1 a month? Have you considered seeking couples (premarital) counseling? This will continue to fester inside of you unless you both can find a common ground for compromise where you are both happy.

[Flippy]

We actually did go to couples' therapy once. It was just the freebie campus couples therapy thing, but I think it helped. Before that he wouldn't stop crying after 2 minutes of sex.
His parents were never abusive, he was never abused in any way. He has no idea why he hates sex so much.
I don't think it's a medical problem, but we could always see if we can rule that one out at the next doctor visit. I HOPE it's not medical.... >_>

[sera300]

Medical issues can be "fixed". It sounds psychological and a good therapist sounds to be in order. Need to find the root of the issue, realize he may not even know what it is, he needs to find answers himself and then you both together.

[Flippy]

I will definitely talk to him about seeing someone. If it's like the first round of therapy, maybe he'll improve a little.

[Brandye]

There is something definitely wrong. While some marriages do last through differing sexual appetites, it is difficult to overcome. He needs a little help understanding himself. There is a risk, of course, that he will discover that he really does not want to be married.

You need to think long and hard about moving into marriage if temptation already is a fact.

[EvilEvilKitten]

He hates sex?!?! WOW! That's like hating breathing!
Yes, he needs to talk to a medical professional who specializes in sexual disorders.

and

hold off on the wedding.

[alban lusitanae]

This is going to sound rude, I know, and I appologize beforehand:

Have you ever considered that your boyfriend...

1 - may actually be discovering he is gay
2 - may be having an affair
3 - may be having religious problems

The only reason I'm asking this, and again, I'm sorry to put up this possibilities, is because the same thing (crying after sex) happened to an ancient friend of mine, and he came out 3 years later as a gay man, after which he went to Sweden. The other two possibilities are also very real. I would say the religious thing more than the affair perhaps. The shame of sex is pretty high on very devout monotheists...