Sexually inhibited husband

[Jazzlvr66]

My husband is extremely inhibited when it comes to sex. First of all, his libido is very low (and I DO understand that, since he takes various meds, etc) That's not so much the problem; and since we are getting older, have had kids, etc.....BOTH of our libidos could use a 'jolt' once in awhile! But, he is so completely unwilling to "spice things up" within our sex life, that I have lost all interest in being intimate with him. When I try to talk to him about it, he is unresponsive to my suggestions, even though I am very understanding and gentle when I bring up the subject with him. And since he likes to always be the one in 'charge' in the bedroom, I am unable to take the lead and try new things or surprise him with some ideas of my own. I get rejected over and over. Even just 'suggesting' that we have sex usually gets a "no" from him.

Now that I just turned 40, I am getting interested in trying new things and bringing back the 'fun stuff' I used to do when I was much younger (and dating other guys). I cannot understand why my husband is so uncomfortable with sex. He doesn't like to talk about it, he doesn't want to try new things (positions, etc), all the lights have to be turned off, he won't even LOOK at me!! (And I am a very attractive woman with a sexy figure) It's the same boring way, every time. I am left unsatisfied and angry when it is over. We are both faithful, and my husband swears that he loves me, is still attracted to me, and would never want to get a divorce.

He has sort of always been this way, but now it's much worse...and unbearable for me. It's almost as if he sees sex as "dirty and disgusting". Doing ANYTHING above and beyond the 'wham bam thank you ma'am, missionary style' routine is just not an option. Since I've never been with a man who sees sex as disgusting (LOL), I'm completely perplexed.

I have never visited a forum like this before, but I could really use any and all opinions, ideas, discussions, shared stories etc. Especially from the guys out there, because I would think they might have a theory or two as to why it is this way. Thank you for your help, and please, no 'mean spirited' responses.

[sera300]

Go and sit with a counselor and he should have a full medical evaluation as well. This is the only way to get to the root of the issue since he will not open up to you.

[Brandye]

Sera is spot on. Get the complete physical exam first including his hormone levels and you get word to the doctor ahead of time about his dead penis. Call his office nurse and it will get into his chart.

Then, armed with these findings, off to a sex therapist. Most gyn's and GPs can recommend one. You are not yet ready to hear the other recommendations I may give you.

[Normita]

Jazz,
Your are not alone. My husband just visited his GP and was given an anti-depressant and is also waiting for results on blood work. He still needs to contact a sex therapist, however. His libido has been really low for the last 8 months. We have been married for only two years and have no kids, so you would think we would still be in the "honeymoon" phase. Anyway, I wish you the best.

[a-bit-shy]

I have to say that I agree with the above posts and would gently recommend counselling. I went through the exact same thing with my ex and am experiencing the same sexual arousal now that I am turning 40. This is also the same time I've visitied such a forum. I was lucky that after some kind discussions, my partner did agree to counselling which we had both private and couples sessions. He too was on meds that lowered his libido. It took a while but it did improve. And please know that just cus he's my ex now, the sex had nothing to do with it. But I know the feeling of feeling unattractive to him and the frustration at just giving up. Hang in there!