A long distance sex life

[engagedyank]

I recently turned 40, my fiance is roughly the same age. We met online approx. 6 years ago, fell in love and is now engaged to be married. We love one another very much, have great respect for each other and good communication. He is not living in the USA yet because of our long screwed up immigration process (a whole other topic!). He is still on the other side of the world, so when we get to see one another, it is for a 2-1/2 week period. He was just here for another visit (after almost a year of being apart) and we are predicting that we will not see one another again for about 5-6 months at which time he should then be here for good!

I am worried about our sex life! In all fairness, I will say that when we do get to be together, we have very limited 'alone' time. We have to cram a lot of activities with family & friends into his 2-1/2 week stay before going back to his country. Not to mention I have a teenager living at home that limits our privacy. But we do manage to schedule some alone time for us. A weekend away, a night in a hotel, etc.

Maybe I am wanting too much too soon. But I was wanting and certainly hoping for explosive sex. Maybe that will come when we have more time to focus on our sex life? We certainly do not have the problem of becoming aroused or even reaching orgasm. I guess I feel that I don't get enough actual intercourse. Most of our sex life consists of hand jobs when we are together. Which don't get me wrong, I love that. But I also need the feel of intercourse. He seems to prefer hand jobs and oral sex, me on the other hand...I want it all, a little of everything!

I have talked to him about this and certainly plan on talking to him more on this subject. As I said before, we have a good communication relationship and I don't have a problem bringing this up with him. I do, however, feel that I need to be a little careful because it just seems that when I do bring this up, it perhaps hurts his ego a little. Definitely not my intentions. So I thought I would get some advice first on this message board. Maybe I should be more patient and have the confidence that our sex life will be fine once we actually have the time together to work on intimacy. On the other hand, I just feel that this should not be a worry with an engaged couple. Usually at this stage, the couples sex life is hot and explosive and seems to die more as the years pass. That is what worries me. Long distance relationships are certainly not easy!

[sera300]

Ok, at the age of 40 he should be able to "hear" what your needs are sexually. It's not an issue of hurting his male ego, it's the point of communicating about each other's needs, wishes, and desires. Talk to him before you see him...

[Orow]

Try building up sexual tension when you are apart by sending him sexy e-mails describing what you'll want him to do when you see each other again. This does not only make him wild with lust for you, but should also give him a discreet hint as to what you would like him to do.

If you are a bit shy, search the web for erotic short stories and try to link him some with a message i.e. "I read these and thought of you... Want to try it out with you, miss you!" or such.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You are going to have to be more open with him about your desires. Write to him, talk to him, email him - whatever - just get this done - now.

Married sex becomes boring only if you permit it to become boring.

[engagedyank]

I just wanted to say thank you for the feedback I have received. Our (my fiance and myself) conversations are very brief during the week because of our time differences and challenges with our working schedules. We will be able to have a good conversation on Saturday and I most definitely plan on having a heart to heart about this subject that has been on my mind.

I do love the ideas of erotic emails and stories. I am eager to write one NOW...I guess I need to wait until after work, though..lol.

Thanks again!

[Orow]

If you'd like you can private message it (the short story) to me for feedback - if you think it's too private to share with many.

Good luck!

[Kbests2003]

Long distance relationships are hard. I am in one, and that's the only reason I really feel I can post hear with anything to say.

My girlfriend lives in Ecuador(SA, not Africa ). I live in USA. I went there as a volunteer English teacher. It seems that keeping our relationship together at all is hard, the sex is a whole different thing though. She was my first(yeah, I am young tho ). I went back to visit her, and it was like she did not want anything to do with sex with me anymore, even though we had talked about our dreams, desires, fantasies. A lot of them being about sex, though not all lol.

I think at the end of my trip, the one thing I lacked doing was really talking with her. Which untill now I don't know what was going on with her. She speaks spanish, I speak spanish(not great). Language is not a problem.

I have some advice. Don't worry about hurting your husbands ego. My girlfriend not telling me what was going on did just the same(even though situations are far different). I probably did not help her out any either.

Good luck.. I am hoping for mine to come =]

[curious_woman]

Try getting a webcam and tease him!...or if thats your thing try masturbating or just moaning and saying sexy things to him during a phone call

My fiance and I have been together a year, he lives in Portugal and I live in Canada. We spent an amazing 15 days together about 3 weeks ago and had amazing sex, despite avoiding family and friends. I think it was so good because we talked about it so much, and cammed/had phone sex lol. We had teased each other so much before hand, that when we finally got to do it it was AMAZING!...it might be our age too...we are both in our early 20s. =)


And I agree! Long distance is very hard...i miss his snuggles and kisses the most =(...and the sex :P

[Jonty]

When I was deployed to another country my partner used to send me emails and letters/cards......and they would really keep the pulse going.......
we played games, had an erotic on going story ie he would add a bit I would add a bit.....

The best was a promise list off things we were going to do to each other....
even better was ticking items off the list